Elizabeth8 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Hi everyone, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. I dont want to get into details but I basically embarrassed him and acted like an idiot(no cheating or anything) He got really pissed last night, starting yelling at me saying it was over and kicked me out of his place. He wouldnt even talk it out with me. I tried calling him but he ignored me and we were texting back and forth with me apologizing, him saying its over for good. However, today, he ignored my call but then responded to my texts saying he still loved me but didnt want to see me and needed time to think. I am not sure how to proceed from here. I told him I loved him and wanted to make things better but I think he may be done for good. Should I go NC or should I keep apologizing hoping he will talk to me? Or should I not contact him for a few days, give him time to cool off and then try to talk to him this weekend? I am really confused right now, I don't even know if we are together or not.
BM91 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry to hear that heartbreaks truly suck. He said he needs time to think, so let him. You need to stop saying sorry, that'll just push him futher away, he'll contact you when he's ready and if he doesn't then I'm sorry :/ I wish you the best of luck.
Gossamer Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 My ex held some really inconsequential grudges, and though he was an amazing boyfriend in so many ways, he also had a temper and could talk himself into wrongs that had been done to him. I am in your position in some ways, but I have apologized and made amends many times over. I believe that making amends, actually repairing or restoring trust with something substantial, is more important than an apology, if the breach of trust was large enough. Bottom line is, a dude being able to blow up over a messup/mistake and throw you out of his life without a discussion is a big problem waiting to happen, on his end. How can people make mistakes in future, because we all do, and not walk on eggshells? I'm just posing some questions to you and making some general observations. Some people want to keep extracting apologies out of you in a controlling manner. Some people don't want to put the time and effort into sorting out potential misunderstandings. Some people are emotionally immature and just cut you off as if you haven't contributed a lot of positive things to the relationship and overall, are worth the effort and respect. If it's the latter, do you really want to twist in the wind with a guy who dumps you over a mistake? I too did not cheat, steal, I was not a bad girlfriend. But it was his constant refrain, by his angry and grudge-holding over-reactions. I miss the good things we had, terribly. Every single day. But as time goes on, I realize that using the trump card of angrily checking out of the relationship isn't someone who's gonna be able to handle his own emotions and problems without them infecting my mood and self-esteem. Just some stuff ta think about...if your messup wasn't the relationship "dealbreaker" kind, and more an issue that would warrant mature discussion and rebuilding trust. /Gossamer Hi everyone, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. I dont want to get into details but I basically embarrassed him and acted like an idiot(no cheating or anything) He got really pissed last night, starting yelling at me saying it was over and kicked me out of his place. He wouldnt even talk it out with me. I tried calling him but he ignored me and we were texting back and forth with me apologizing, him saying its over for good. However, today, he ignored my call but then responded to my texts saying he still loved me but didnt want to see me and needed time to think. I am not sure how to proceed from here. I told him I loved him and wanted to make things better but I think he may be done for good. Should I go NC or should I keep apologizing hoping he will talk to me? Or should I not contact him for a few days, give him time to cool off and then try to talk to him this weekend? I am really confused right now, I don't even know if we are together or not.
Author Elizabeth8 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies. Gossamer, your ex sounds exactly like mine. He has an awful temper and I really never know what will set him off. I do feel like I have to walk on eggshells. He has gotten mad at me and started yelling over ridiculous things before. This time it wasn't something ridiculous but I also don't think it is something to end the relationship over. Basically he is mad because I had some friends over drinking and he thought I was being too flirty with my guy friend. I was just teasing him and my guy friends girlfriend was there the whole time. I have talked to other people who were there and they did not think I crossed the line at all. I think this has something to do with the age difference(he is 11 years older than me, maybe I am just too immature for him). He also heard me say he was being lame to my friends (he was, he was pretty much refusing to join the party and hang out with us and was in a different room the whole time and I was the host so I couldnt just leave my friends). I know that I can act stupid when alcohol is involved but his ability to want to throw our whole relationship away over this is really hurtful. I am the type of person that can forgive and I guess he isn't.
fiat500 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 if you have to walk on eggshells with a guy, it means he needs a woman that will put him in his place
makelemonade1974 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 This sounds exactly like the circumstances of my breakup. He perceived that I had "embarrassed" him in some way at a social function - "emasculated" was the word he used, screamed at me and threw me out. This is a guy who's image and social status is everything to him, and that's pretty messed up. I don't know what you did to embarrass him, but my advice would be to stop blaming yourself and go no contact. If you truly want him back, the only way to do that is to become unavailable. Men always want what they can't have. I would question, though, whether or not you want to be with a man who is so difficult to please. I know right now it feels like you just can't be without him. Getting over a lover is like getting over a drug addiction. Take it easy, respect YOURSELF above all other things, and don't second guess yourself. You are the one you need to be thinking about. Make a list of reasons that he is lucky to have YOU. And have confidence that you are beautiful inside and out, and you only need to be with somebody who makes you feel that way.
Graceful Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Sounds like a wake up call if you ask me. If someone is in the habit of blowing up at you over every little thing, doesn't trust you, doesn't let you apologize and move on, accuses you of being lame around your friends, and refuses to socialize with them, even when he is on the premises and you are the host, well, all of that does not paint a very pretty picture of what he is like to get along with. It sounds like you are in very different places in life. Sometimes an 11-year age diff isn't a problem, and sometimes it can be, it all depends on the maturity level, the life goals, the value system, the shared interests, the communication, and the compatibility. Not sure you have all that much going with this guy and maybe you need to take a more serious look at how he handles anger, jealousy, trust issues, and your over all social circle and see if perhaps, despite the idea you care for him, you're not a good match for one another. Take this opportunity to examine that rather than try to figure out how to get him back. It sounds like he is controlling you and you keep taking the bait. That has to end, and I don't mean coming up with another game. Functioning relationships don't work this way. Sure, people get hot under the collar now and then, we all do, but how you handle it is another story entirely. Looks like the pattern of communication the two of you have is not healthy. You deserve better than this and it sounds like it's time to take a long, hard look at the way this relationship works and see if it's worth the time and effort to stay with this guy. But you can't go on like this, IMHO. Take care. Hi everyone, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. I dont want to get into details but I basically embarrassed him and acted like an idiot(no cheating or anything) He got really pissed last night, starting yelling at me saying it was over and kicked me out of his place. He wouldnt even talk it out with me. I tried calling him but he ignored me and we were texting back and forth with me apologizing, him saying its over for good. However, today, he ignored my call but then responded to my texts saying he still loved me but didnt want to see me and needed time to think. I am not sure how to proceed from here. I told him I loved him and wanted to make things better but I think he may be done for good. Should I go NC or should I keep apologizing hoping he will talk to me? Or should I not contact him for a few days, give him time to cool off and then try to talk to him this weekend? I am really confused right now, I don't even know if we are together or not.
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