Woggle Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Bill Maher: "Masturbation has its place. And that place should be Plan B, when you can't get the real thing. It's pretty amazing. For men, it took only a couple of decades between discovering that women can have orgasms and deciding that giving them one is just too much trouble." It goes much deeper than that.
carhill Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 No we don't use a condom. I'm not sure I understand your reference when you say 'you'd prefer she ask how you feel rather than presuming'... Ask him directly about the dynamic and how he feels about it, rather than putting two and two together about his porn use and anorgasmia and having it equal unhappiness for you. The sample verbiage I provided is an example of communication. See how he responds. It's perfectly healthy to share your feelings about porn use. If that makes you unhappy, it does. My advice is to refrain from connecting the dots yourself between it and his orgasms or lack thereof. Work that out *together*. Good luck
dreamingoftigers Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I know not all but after 30 years of being told that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle I must say it is amusing when I hear women insecure that some men prefer wacking off to porn to actual sex. Finally we can tell them they are not needed in one area. I am so glad that men like my husband are able to get their intimate needs filled at the click of a mouse.
Woggle Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I will say that I don't know why a man who has a good thing would turn to porn. Single men I have no issue with but most men know when they have good thing.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Ask him directly about the dynamic and how he feels about it, rather than putting two and two together about his porn use and anorgasmia and having it equal unhappiness for you. The sample verbiage I provided is an example of communication. See how he responds. It's perfectly healthy to share your feelings about porn use. If that makes you unhappy, it does. My advice is to refrain from connecting the dots yourself between it and his orgasms or lack thereof. Work that out *together*. Good luck Ok I see what you are saying. Thanks Carhill, that's a great approach. I don't want to offend him... him getting defensive and shutting down certainly won't get us anywhere.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I will say that I don't know why a man who has a good thing would turn to porn. Single men I have no issue with but most men know when they have good thing. Yes, my thoughts exactly.
alphamale Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 If your girlfriend told you she was unhappy because she believes your porn use is the reason you are having trouble cumming during sex with her (otherwise she voiced no complaints with porn), would you actually cut back on how frequently you view it, or stop altogether (assuming everything else is good in your relationship)? dude, i'd have to watch a LOT of porn before i couldn't ejaculate inside a womans love holes
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 dude, i'd have to watch a LOT of porn before i couldn't ejaculate inside a womans love holes A "lot" of porn is a relevant term. You can probably cum within a day of jacking off too - most guys can, but mine struggles with this. It's just way easier for him to orgasm from whacking off, and based on his actions I'm starting to think he prefers it. Because why else would he continue to watch porn, jack off, and again ruin of our intimacy? He knows the potential outcome yet time and time again he does this.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 The only reason I would think to masturbate when I have the real thing waiting fro me is that my woman might be too difficult to give an orgasm. Its pointless to have sex if I couldnt get my woman off. Is it possible that he has trouble getting you off lately? Do you initiate sex all of the time? You might want to back off from initiating for a while (to let him miss your advances) if the conversation carhill suggested doesnt work. he might be taking your initiative for granted.
alphamale Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 It's just way easier for him to orgasm from whacking off, and based on his actions I'm starting to think he prefers it. Because why else would he continue to watch porn, jack off, and again ruin of our intimacy? He knows the potential outcome yet time and time again he does this. its just what men do...he's not trying to ruin intimacy
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 its just what men do...he's not trying to ruin intimacy I know he's not, but he's also not trying to preserve it either. I just bet if I had a difficult time reaching orgasm with him simply because I masturbated too much that he wouldn't much like it either. I would be inadvertently making him feel inadequate.
uncool Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I feel for you. Your spouse is basically saying he does't want an emotional connection or bond with you. Which is basically saying he doesn't want to me married to you... because that's what married couples do.... they have a close relationship sealed by intimacy. You should move out and find somebody who loves you. Your husband treats you like my wife treats me. What I wouldn't give to actually have an intimate relationship with a loving wife like you so I wouldn't have to turn to porn even once a month or two after being rejected every week when I try so hard to romance my wife.... just to feel rejected once again. I forgot what sex feels like... and I'm married.... lol. There is a dude out there who wants the type of love and relationship you have to offer... trust me.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 The only reason I would think to masturbate when I have the real thing waiting fro me is that my woman might be too difficult to give an orgasm. Its pointless to have sex if I couldnt get my woman off. Is it possible that he has trouble getting you off lately? Do you initiate sex all of the time? You might want to back off from initiating for a while (to let him miss your advances) if the conversation carhill suggested doesnt work. he might be taking your initiative for granted. No, I get off pretty easy and nearly every time. I have backed off a little with initiating here recently... sometimes I don't feel like even trying because it messes with my head so much. I'd rather just not do anything at all, and certainly my orgasm isn't worth it... sex is very much a mutual thing for me.
musemaj11 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Bill Maher: "Masturbation has its place. And that place should be Plan B, when you can't get the real thing. It's pretty amazing. For men, it took only a couple of decades between discovering that women can have orgasms and deciding that giving them one is just too much trouble." After a while, giving a woman orgasm gets really tedious. For men, sex is about 25% pleasure and 75% struggle to delay orgasm.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I feel for you. Your spouse is basically saying he does't want an emotional connection or bond with you. Which is basically saying he doesn't want to me married to you... because that's what married couples do.... they have a close relationship sealed by intimacy. You should move out and find somebody who loves you. Your husband treats you like my wife treats me. What I wouldn't give to actually have an intimate relationship with a loving wife like you so I wouldn't have to turn to porn even once a month or two after being rejected every week when I try so hard to romance my wife.... just to feel rejected once again. I forgot what sex feels like... and I'm married.... lol. There is a dude out there who wants the type of love and relationship you have to offer... trust me. Well, we aren't married and I don't live with him. We have talked about both these things and to be honest I really worry this sex issue... if it's like this now then how would it be if we lived together? He claims to really enjoy sex with me and he always speaks highly about it, how fun it is, how good it feels, etc... Actions speak louder than words though, and him struggling so hard to cum or not cumming at all says more to me than him telling me how great our sex life is. I just don't get it.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 After a while, giving a woman orgasm gets really tedious. For men, sex is about 25% pleasure and 75% struggle to delay orgasm. Ok obviously my issue does not reflect those numbers. What those tell me is that men are enjoying sex so much that they are trying to hold back from cumming. Giving me an orgasm is rarely tedious for him, if ever. Besides it's usually me first through oral so when we get to the sex part it's all him.
musemaj11 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Ok obviously my issue does not reflect those numbers. What those tell me is that men are enjoying sex so much that they are trying to hold back from cumming. Giving me an orgasm is rarely tedious for him, if ever. Besides it's usually me first through oral so when we get to the sex part it's all him. Then just ask him to go down on you and send him back to his porn afterwards.
sweetjasmine Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Then just ask him to go down on you and send him back to his porn afterwards. You don't get it. It's not just about the freaking orgasm. Otherwise, she'd be in a relationship with a vibrator and ignoring her partner as much as he's ignoring her, and then everything would be great, right? This attitude is exactly why it seems a number of men would rather jerk it than actually be intimate with their partner: it's all about the orgasm, so why do you need another person there? Too much effort. They don't seem to give a crap about intimacy and are stuck on the dopamine high.
jane100 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 You don't get it. Yes, Jasmine, you are right - but I put such people on "Ignore" here at LS, its good to clear their bitter vacuousness from view . On the subject in hand, I think this points to the destructiveness of porn, particularly on the desensitisation issue. A beautiful kiss was once a thing of, well, great beauty and desire, and now it seems to be a nothing in the schema/pyramid of kinky sex as described by the OP herself and which she endorses. It seems a woman enjoying sex is now a bore and a drag unless its fake, for money, and on film. Depressing posts on porn generally. Most of them belong in the Therapists Office IMHO.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 It's really not that serious. And you women sound clingy and controlling. Yikes.
Sivok Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Yeah, I would lower the amount I use it. I was an avid user for a bit, using it 1-3 times a day. Being able to see 10s doing it at a moment's notice did dull my attraction to real women somewhat - I'm not going to deny that. But it could just be me
samspade Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 If your girlfriend told you she was unhappy because she believes your porn use is the reason you are having trouble cumming during sex with her (otherwise she voiced no complaints with porn), would you actually cut back on how frequently you view it, or stop altogether (assuming everything else is good in your relationship)? Yes. Porn can be a valuable enjoyment in a relationship but it shouldn't be detrimental.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 If your girlfriend told you she was unhappy because she believes your porn use is the reason you are having trouble cumming during sex with her (otherwise she voiced no complaints with porn), would you actually cut back on how frequently you view it, or stop altogether (assuming everything else is good in your relationship)? That would never happen. One, I don't watch porn with any kind of regularity and can take it or leave it. Two, I definitely wouldn't bother with it at all if I were in a decent relationship. The only time I did resort to it while in a relationship was when I worked the evening shift at my job and my g/f started getting contentious about it--going to bed just as I got home to basically give me the finger (and this was only at about 9:30PM). I put up with that for a while while we were living together and watched the soft-core porn that was on the cable system then and whacked off now and again. But I wasn't pleased at all to have a warm-blooded female in my bed sleeping away whilst I romanced my TV set. Something definitely wrong with that picture.
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