ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 If your girlfriend told you she was unhappy because she believes your porn use is the reason you are having trouble cumming during sex with her (otherwise she voiced no complaints with porn), would you actually cut back on how frequently you view it, or stop altogether (assuming everything else is good in your relationship)?
Woggle Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 It would depend on if I really thought it was the reason. I don't watch porn anyway though so it does not matter to me.
musemaj11 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Not being able to cum is not due to porn. Its due to gripping the penis too hard during masturbation. A vagina cannot compete with a fist.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 When a man masturbates he is training his penis to feel comfortable with that sensation that leads to cumming, which is why some men can't cum during sex because it feels so different, especially if he is useing a condom as that takes away feeling. In my situation, I stopped watching porn so I could cum during sex with my ex. Now with my current GF, she likes porn and likes watching it with me, so she doesn't complain, but encourages it.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Not being able to cum is not due to porn. Its due to gripping the penis too hard during masturbation. A vagina cannot compete with a fist. Well I think it CAN be from porn, at least when you factor in masturbation, which is ultimately where my issue is. I guess I should've explained better. Masturbating to porn. If a vagina can't compete with a fist then what the hell are women supposed to do?
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 OP, does your BF use a condom? I'd listen to any relationship issue my GF/wife wished to discuss. I would prefer that she ask me how I felt about something rather than presuming to know how I felt. That was something I learned in MC; how to articulate that. 'Honey, I've noticed you haven't been having an orgasm when we make love. Do you want to talk about that? I always enjoy your orgasms and want you to feel satisfied and loved.' Listen.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I know it is very wrong to feel this way but I admit to getting a chuckle out of women feeling disposable after a couple decades of men being told how disposable we are.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 When a man masturbates he is training his penis to feel comfortable with that sensation that leads to cumming, which is why some men can't cum during sex because it feels so different, especially if he is useing a condom as that takes away feeling. In my situation, I stopped watching porn so I could cum during sex with my ex. Now with my current GF, she likes porn and likes watching it with me, so she doesn't complain, but encourages it. Did you make this choice on your own or did your girlfriend ask that you stop? Was it difficult?
collegeguy_24 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Did you make this choice on your own or did your girlfriend ask that you stop? Was it difficult? I made the choice on my own because I wanted the relationship to work and didn't want this to keep us apart. and yes, it was difficult, mainly because I was addicted, I know this and admit it. My family has a history of easy addiction to things, mine was porn. So I stopped watching it and decided to distract myself with my internship and making my then-GF happy. When we broke up I found it easy to get back into porn because I had sexual energy, but no sex. When I started dating my new GF I asked if she wanted me to stop, and she said no, she instead finds it arousing that we can watch it together as a couple.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 OP, does your BF use a condom? I'd listen to any relationship issue my GF/wife wished to discuss. I would prefer that she ask me how I felt about something rather than presuming to know how I felt. That was something I learned in MC; how to articulate that. 'Honey, I've noticed you haven't been having an orgasm when we make love. Do you want to talk about that? I always enjoy your orgasms and want you to feel satisfied and loved.' Listen. No we don't use a condom. I'm not sure I understand your reference when you say 'you'd prefer she ask how you feel rather than presuming'...
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I know it is very wrong to feel this way but I admit to getting a chuckle out of women feeling disposable after a couple decades of men being told how disposable we are. Yeah well not all women treat men that way Wog, and I happen to be one of them.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Nope. I'd tell my girlfriend my porn habits are not in any form or fashion related to her or my sex life with her, and that she needs to stop being so insecure. If she didn't agree, I'd probably be annoyed and leave her lol. Sometimes I have trouble cumming during sex, but that's cause condoms take away alot of feeling for me. If I'm not using a rubber I could put an eye out from 20 feet away.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Yeah well not all women treat men that way Wog, and I happen to be one of them. I know not all but after 30 years of being told that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle I must say it is amusing when I hear women insecure that some men prefer wacking off to porn to actual sex. Finally we can tell them they are not needed in one area.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Nope. I'd tell my girlfriend my porn habits are not in any form or fashion related to her or my sex life with her, and that she needs to stop being so insecure. If she didn't agree, I'd probably be annoyed and leave her lol. Sometimes I have trouble cumming during sex, but that's cause condoms take away alot of feeling for me. If I'm not using a rubber I could put an eye out from 20 feet away. And just what if your porn viewing WAS tied to your sex life with her? Just what if you had a hard time cumming with her even though you think she's hot and she loves sex with you? What then? You'd still consider her "insecure" and would be willing to dump her?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Not being able to cum is not due to porn. Its due to gripping the penis too hard during masturbation. A vagina cannot compete with a fist. Bingo. Although I would cut down on the masturbation, if I felt that was an issue. Me being a virgin, however, probably means that I'll cum too fast at the beginning. So no worries there!
lenny Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I had the same issue. I totally believe the reason is also do to his masturbation (and porn indirectly). I've never brought up that I'd like him to jerk it less which is what I wanted but I did tell him that I really love it when he cums in me. I also told him I felt inadequate when he didn't get off. Then the times where he did get off I made such a big deal over how amazing it was and how good I feel when he does. I am thinking it took him a while to get why he couldn't get off although I had figured this out long ago but end result is that he fixed it. There still are times where he still doesn't get off but those times are now rare. I also know how he likes to be stroked and if things for him are not progressing to a happy ending, I will stroke and oral to get him there. I do watch porn with my guy so am not discouraging porn, and I know he still jerks it, and sometime we'll even mutually masturbate. Whether he's lightening up his grip or just doing it less, this problem is corrected in my mind. My opinion is that telling a guy you want him to change what he can and can't do with his own body is a tricky area. It could even backfire by making the act more frequent because now it's sneaky too - more exciting for some people.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I know not all but after 30 years of being told that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle I must say it is amusing when I hear women insecure that some men prefer wacking off to porn to actual sex. Finally we can tell them they are not needed in one area. Well if a man actually prefers jacking off over sex with his SO then I guess you're right...men don't need us for that. Same applies to women... we don't "need" men to have an orgasm either. I guess if he prefers his hand to sex then he must also prefer to go through life alone then.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Well if a man actually prefers jacking off over sex with his SO then I guess you're right...men don't need us for that. Same applies to women... we don't "need" men to have an orgasm either. I guess if he prefers his hand to sex then he must also prefer to go through life alone then. Some guys can't get women easily, or have no experience. Would you recommend that they not jack off at all, or look at porn at all, because women won't date them?
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I had the same issue. I totally believe the reason is also do to his masturbation (and porn indirectly). I've never brought up that I'd like him to jerk it less which is what I wanted but I did tell him that I really love it when he cums in me. I also told him I felt inadequate when he didn't get off. Then the times where he did get off I made such a big deal over how amazing it was and how good I feel when he does. I am thinking it took him a while to get why he couldn't get off although I had figured this out long ago but end result is that he fixed it. There still are times where he still doesn't get off but those times are now rare. I also know how he likes to be stroked and if things for him are not progressing to a happy ending, I will stroke and oral to get him there. I do watch porn with my guy so am not discouraging porn, and I know he still jerks it, and sometime we'll even mutually masturbate. Whether he's lightening up his grip or just doing it less, this problem is corrected in my mind. My opinion is that telling a guy you want him to change what he can and can't do with his own body is a tricky area. It could even backfire by making the act more frequent because now it's sneaky too - more exciting for some people. I think his problem is actually 2-part. He regularly watches porn... just about daily. He'll look at work when he's bored and then of course jacks off to it at home. He has certain fetishes that he frequently likes to work into our sex life, to the degree which I think "vanilla" sex is just boring for him and he has a hard time cumming unless he can incorporate some aspect of his fetish in. THIS is the reason I think porn is part of the problem - I think he's desensitized. The other part is that he has a long refractory period, so if it hasn't been long enough since he last whacked off and we have sex then he struggles to reach orgasm. It's frustrating because he knows in advance which nights we're going to spend together, so why he chooses to jack off and jeopardize our intimacy I fail to understand. He knows that masturbating causes difficulty in our sex life... this is not merely an assumption of mine. As for the porn watching and desensitization issue, well I haven't talked to him about that aspect yet...came here for advice first. After several years of being with him and dealing with this, I'd like to think I have some idea of what's going on, I just fear that he won't be able (or willing) to at least consider that I might actually be correct.
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Some guys can't get women easily, or have no experience. Would you recommend that they not jack off at all, or look at porn at all, because women won't date them? No I am not saying that at all. You are not in a relationship, so jack to your hearts content. But... at some point you will be in a relationship and if you find that your masturbation is negatively affecting the sex life you have with your girlfriend, you may want to consider cutting back some, maybe altogether if you value your relationship and the sex that she routinely gives you. 1
lenny Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Another thing with us is our sex isn't vanilla. There's hardly anything that is done in the porn he watches that we don't do. Would you be willing to kick it up a notch and get a little kinkier?
Author ComeUndone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Another thing with us is our sex isn't vanilla. There's hardly anything that is done in the porn he watches that we don't do. Would you be willing to kick it up a notch and get a little kinkier? Oh I do, all the time. We do just about everything and try new things all the time. My concern is that he can't cum unless we get kinky and I don't think it should have to be this way every time.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Oh I do, all the time. We do just about everything and try new things all the time. My concern is that he can't cum unless we get kinky and I don't think it should have to be this way every time. It seriously sounds like he has an addiction. He won't want to give that up.
musemaj11 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Well I think it CAN be from porn, at least when you factor in masturbation, which is ultimately where my issue is. I guess I should've explained better. Masturbating to porn. If a vagina can't compete with a fist then what the hell are women supposed to do? Tell him he can watch porn but he cant masturbate.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Bill Maher: "Masturbation has its place. And that place should be Plan B, when you can't get the real thing. It's pretty amazing. For men, it took only a couple of decades between discovering that women can have orgasms and deciding that giving them one is just too much trouble." Edited February 22, 2011 by Ruby Slippers
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