sweetblubrry Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 It has been a little over three weeks since he broke up with me, we were together for 7 months. We never fought, had minor disagreements. This pretty much just came out of nowhere. We both work at the same company so there are times where I do see him but for the most part I don't. We have a lot of mutual friends and they have told me that he is just confused. He doesn't know who he is or what he wants in life. He said it didn't have to do with me (during the breakup he said it did). The breakup was just an insane amount of excuses and whatnot and him breaking down crying. I have been NC pretty much the entire time besides little 5-10 second "hello, how are you" convos where it was nothing in depth but can't be helped because I see him at work sometimes. I know for a fact he is definitely going thru some life stuff right now. :/ How could he tell me he loved me so much and then just disappear from my life? His best friends can't even get him to talk. So yesterday I ended up seeing him at work again. The last time was last Sunday and we didn't talk at all... and it was a nightmare for me. So much pain. Today was different. He kept trying to talk to me today and asking me about interviews he thought I had (I don't know where he got that from maybe facebook?) but I was sitting there thinking ok... whats with the sudden interest in my life again? After not speakin to me for 3 weeks. And also he found an excuse to physically touch me... on the shoulder when he was behind me to let him know that he was there. He also would smile at me when I looked at him and hovered around where I was standing. I am not sure if he's playing mind games or what. I can feel that he still cares. But I don't know what to do or think right now. I really miss him a lot. What should I do from here? Stay NC and just be friendly if I see him, acknowledge him, and then move on to whatever I am doing? (I want him back)
Author sweetblubrry Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Update....... So he just commented on my fb status, is that a so called breadcrumb? I will not be answerin it btw. Also, how do you know if an ex wants you back in your life as a friend or significant other? I will not accept friendship as an option.
OnlyLuvNotH8 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Hi sweetblubrry, I've just recently discovered this website and think it's a great forum and helps people in our situations to get clarity and support before potentially making a mistake. Nonethelss, since I am new here and haven't earned any cred for my advice - heck, I haven't even announced my own break-up story...I still felt compelled to risk answering something wrong and to write you my opinion. After reading your post, I felt like i need more information to make a judgment call. You say you were involved with the guy you work with for 7 months, were those seven months good all along? Where there any signs or things you noticed along the way that gave you weird feelings? Are you being completely honest with yourself about those 7 months? Are you or were you lonely when you got involved with him? Do you feel like he is the one and only guy to know you and that you want to be with or do you feel that there will be others in your life too? The reason I ask for all of this information is that it gives me better perspective of where you are at at this stage of your life. I think we all go through periods of feeling on top and other times feeling like someone (one person - usually the ex) is the only one to make it better even if they were part of what made it bad for us. After looking deeply in your heart and all of those considerations only if you can say that you are 100% sure you and this guy are great together and you want to be with him BUT you don't NEED him to define you.... then and only then, I would ask him directly: a) why is he acting all supremely attentive? b) if he is flirting with you... (I can be pretty bold that way but who has time for games and crap?) He should begin by apologizing for his "confused period". Don't let the conversation go anywhere if he doesn't apologize. Look deeply at him, read his body language as mistrustingly as possible because you will fall for anything so look for anything that might be a lie, like a nervous tick while he gives an excuse...if he looks straight at you, with no twitching and body language that shows you he is at odds with what he is saying, feel deeply into yourself and your intuition...are you following your gut or allowing your heart to rule over your head?...if you need some clarity ask him for a day and take it all in again...don't forget to remember how much he hurt you and how much sadness you have been feeling for months. Don't forget to think that you are potentially setting the stage for him to hurt you again in the future because you are forgiving him of doing it in the past...and then finally make a commitment...Decide...Either a) go ahead and forgive him for it but let go of the past completely and don't bring it up again to him otherwise it isn't real forgiveness or b) decide to remember your months of hurt and how you've been feeling stronger just bits by bits every day...how you know there is a guy out there who would never dream of hurting you even once..decide you won't entertain thoughts of this guy in this way any more and keep NC. Hope this helps! It's late and I'm pretty tired..
OnlyLuvNotH8 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Can you tell me what GIGS (or something like that) is? I can't figure it out but read it on a few posts earlier...
Author sweetblubrry Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Thanks and no I don't know what GIGS is. I don't feel I should talk to him directly about this... from what I've read on this board (specifically gator's post) is that you don't fall for the breadcrumbs unless they saying they want you back. Everything else is just pointless contact. And it hasn't been months since we broke up, only 3 weeks. His whole issue is that he is confused with life and stuff... no one can fix that in 3 weeks. We had no issues in the relationship besides some communication blips. He would not talk for a few days and that would bother me. His excuse is that he is just a reserved person (and he really is) He prefers being alone then being social. So that is really it. I learned to deal with just because he doesn't call me every second of the day doesn't mean he loves me any less.
threebyfate Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 The next time he's being so friendly, I'd ask him what he wants from you and if it's not the answer you were looking for, return to NC. Most likely, he misses you. But that doesn't matter if he's unwilling to commit to anything.
OnlyLuvNotH8 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Some guys are like that but with those ones, it'd be considerate if they'd tell you when they are going on a disappearing spree for a few days. If you had 7 long months and its only been three weeks, I agree with threebyfate- he misses you. We also don't know if that means he misses you and wants to be your friend, like you said. I would ask him directly too and go back to NC if he doesn't apologize and say what you want to hear.
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