cdubs32 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I was out with my gf the other night with some friends and something felt a little off with her at one point. She had disappeared to "go get a drink at the bar" with her best friend and they were there talking quite a while. Not sure if this part matters, but her best friend is dating one of my good friends who is still married, but going through divorce. She's knows about it but is sensitive about it and I accidentally slipped after a few margaritas something about how he used to take his wedding ring off at parties since he knew it was ending. Her friend got a little upset but my gf talked her down and it was cool. Long story short, everything has been great to this point, been with my gf for 3 months, we're in our late 20s, and it's been completely perfect. No fights so far and our communications is awesome. All day and all week she had been texting me about how excited she was to see me and couldn't wait for later that night. Then after all this at dinner/drinks (we both have about 6 or 7 drinks and a shot in us by now), we get back to my place.... She says "I just wanna go to sleep if that's ok". I said ok, but I asked if something was wrong. She starts crying. She tells me that just tonight she started to think about us and had some doubt. I asked more about it as my initial thought was she was going to break up with me. So I told her to elaborate. She did, saying that it's not something she was thinking about other than just tonight, but while out with me tonight she wondered to herself if she could see herself marrying me, and that she didn't know. I told her if she knows that she can't see herself with me in the long run, meaning there's no chance she could possibly be with me in the end or marriage then that I'd want to know now. She said she just usually knows after 3 months if she sees herself marrying a guy she's with and that she was still unsure about me. We talked more about it until we fell asleep, she talked about how we're different in some ways, but that she loves so many things about me and that I've made her super happy since being with her. The next morning she apologized about it, I said I was glad we were able to talk about it, but I admitted I was freaked out. I told her I was still a little scared about what she said to me last night. She started crying a little bit because she felt bad and didn't want to scare me. We talked some more, I told her we were maybe moving too fast and should slow it down a little, and that it's ok if you don't know if we could get married, it's too early. We ended up making up and being intimate (twice) before she left for the weekend. Talked to her friend the next day and apologized again for the night before, she said everything is fine and that my gf was a little more upset than she was about it. Even though my gf denied it, she said this didn't have any affect on why she was "doubting" last night. Well I've had the weekend to think about it and I'm still a little worried. I don't know how someone can go from being super excited to seeing them to doubting them the very same day. She insists I didn't do anything wrong, she just was having a mini-freakout that night about our future. I'm having a hard time letting it go. Her texts and our phone conversations this weekend have seemed from her like everything is back to normal wonderfulness on her end, but I'm still a little freaked. I didn't see any of this coming and I don't know how to respond to it. She is supposed to meet my dad in a couple weeks and I haven't met her family yet. She's mentioned the meeting of her family but also flip flops on the subject because she is always talking about the future with us and how she wants to make sure I'm going to be around for a while before she has me meet family. I've tried to tell her I am going to be here and tried to show that by offering to have her meet my dad first. Now I'm not so sure I want to do that. I don't want her meeting my family if she's having doubts. Given this is the first doubt she's had, but what if it keeps popping up? If she isn't sure about me after how great things have gone with us then I just want to run. I want to end it before I get too hurt from it, but at the same time I don't want to sabotage it. I'm still freaked. Sorry for the vent, I just dont know what to do, I want to keep going on as normal but it's hard to forget about this as I don't have much experience with relationships.
WTRanger Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 She could be either baby-crazy or have ring fever. Are many of her friends married, engaged, or having kids? I ask because she may be one of those types of people that literally have their life check listed out (say married at 26, kid by 27, house by 28, etc) and she could be behind on hers. She may not feel the real spark with you and it's freaking her out. If I were you, I wouldn't glass over what just happened. It's bigger than you think. The seed of doubt has been planted and so soon. But you are started to enter the fringe of the end of the newly dating phase, and the sheer newness of someone new could be wearing off on her. She's freaking out about a future she can't control and has no idea what is going to happen. I'd say end this one before she freaks out again. A turd was dropped in the punch bowl of love. You can't ignore it forever.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry for the vent, I just dont know what to do, I want to keep going on as normal but it's hard to forget about this as I don't have much experience with relationships. I would be totally freaked myself. If she can't see herself with you down the road... what does that tell you? She clearly doesn't like some stuff about you. It isn't a good situation. Personally, I would not let her meet my family. I would give her 1 more month and then revisit the topic. If she couldnt make me believe that she strongly desired a future with me... I would begin the dumping process.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Marriage at 3 months? Either your gf drank too much or she really is suffering from " ring" syndrome as WTR has said. The doubt could be the honeymoon phase coming to a head.
2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Yeah I had this too and we're now exs sorry to say lol! Both in our 30s, all her F&F married with kids, her hardly any dates and me pretty much the same. We both were the same got on really well then bam she started flaking so I got out, yes I did have regrets, she dumped me without saying as much, well you know a goodbye when you hear it, "We should remain friends and all that". Trust me when you get doubts like this and they can't handle the thud into a normal relationship from the honeymoon phase then they are weak and will not put in the effort to commit or work at it. I really wanted it to work and I told her but she was cold and didn't care. As much as it's going to kill you I would tell her that you do not want to be in this situation as it will hurt too much and if she is having doubts now then there is no point continuing as you do not see it lasting much longer if she can't handle a normal RL and all that goes with it. It might be a game to see how you react but why would someone play games if they really wanted to be with you and not hurt you. She will friendzone you so damn fast if you hang around and beg. My ex is raging with me for moving on, I know she probably thinks I would wuss beg her and then she could inflate her ego, stick me in the FZ deep freeze, feel good about herself, while she dated other guys just to "make sure" of her feelings; get out of it you are worth so much more to someone else who isn't going to flake and FZ you for years to come. Tell her how you feel and that you think it is best if you both amicably agree to move on. Give her the ultimatum because this will either snap her out of it and realise what she is going to loose or she will be totally emotionless, if it's the latter then you know it's a loss making situation for you. These people that constantly complain about not being able to find a suitable partner are the types that do this and they deserve everything they get. They are commitment phobes and want you to do all the donkey work and take all the flak when it goes wrong, they then expect you to wait around while they make up their mind - do not give them the satisfaction. 2011 Edited February 21, 2011 by 2011
GivenUp0083 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 She gets drunk one night, has a little bit of doubt about their future because things were moving fast, cries a little, and you guys are saying he should drop her like a hot potato? Really? You guys are like that? I read over what OP said and she didn't say she didn't think he COULD be the guy in the end, she just didn't know if he was. She didn't just come out and say this stuff to him. He could tell something was wrong, and instead of just hiding it from him she was honest about her feelings. If it were me I'd thank her for being honest as I know most girls would just roll over and pass out and not say anything leaving me to feel like crap all night from her silence. Everyone has doubts once in a while, and I can tell you alcohol will do nothing but take some emotions and just blow them up in your face and make them seem a lot worst than they are. OP, don't be stupid, just go with it. If it happens again then you have reason to question it, but otherwise I'd just chalk it up to a drunken freakout. Everyone is allowed that once in a while right? It seems like she still wants to be with you, so until you stop feeling that from her then just enjoy it.
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