yongyong Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I deserve to hear I am an as s hole. I think I am writing this to hear that from women here so that I can treat the next one better. I also want to tell my story to guys so that they don't make the same stupid mistake. I met this amazing girl several weeks ago. I've lived in this coutry 7 years. I've never met a local woman who accepted me as being who I am. (my race,skin, background, personality) I was about to give up and meeting her made me feel very special She is a very religious girl who can't do any sexual acts before marriage. We kissed on our 2nd date. I felt very special and it was very romantic. As a single, normal guy, it was hard for me to restrict myself. I tried to touch her breasts and she kept moving my hands. we kissed crazy everytime we see though. around 5th date. I took her bra off and we made out. I thought she accepted me as her guy. I felt more closer to her than when we were just kissing. that night, she mentioned how she liked everything about me, she was mine and she even said she admired me. we met next day. After dinner, she was reluctant to come into my house because it would be hard for her to leave soon. I convinced her to just come in for a little bit. she said she couldn't go to church anymore because what we did last night was against the rule. (I should've sent her home after giving brieft kisses and hugs) we were talking on my bed, started to kiss. One thing led to another, I took her tops off. this time it went even further. I took her pants off and she was wearing just panties. I even tried to finger her (outside underwear) even though she moved my hands multiple times. I think I did that because some girls I met in the past, let their guards down after I kept trying. The fact was she was not one of those girls whom I brought from the club or who came over straight to my house from online dating. she deserved more respects. In my own mind, I was thinking it's ok to do that since I am not just into her body. (told her many times). I really like her inside and out. this would make us closer. That night, she left while I was sleeping (she did that before) I received a txt saying 'good bye' because if we hangout we would do those things. she wrote very nice words which made me even more sad. (I will miss you so much, you were an amazing man, thanks for everything you've done) I called and txted her but she didn't reply. From past experience, I know I shouldn't contact her anymore(sorry, please come back, I will change etc) which will push her further. I don't think I can find another person who will accept 'me' at least in another decade. I am sure most people have fun sexual experiences in the past. I wouldn't regret if she was just a drunk girl from a bar. I really learned, if you are with a special person who is worth more than some sexual funs, you should be very cautious. Guys, I made a worst investment in my life. I just traded this beautiful lady (in and out) for couple night's fun. I don't know if she can forgive me and will think about me after the time heals her. only god knows.......
utterer of lies Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Don't worry, you'll find a girl who isn't a total prude and lives in the 18th century
paleblue Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) just a suggestion. next time spare us the pornographic details of your adventures. this isnt th forum for it and no one really wants to hear it. there's kids on here. and 2) ya, you did deserve to get dumped. hopefully you can learn something from this. Edited February 21, 2011 by paleblue
utterer of lies Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 just a suggestion. next time spare us the pornographic details of your adventures. this isnt th forum for it and no one really wants to hear it. there's kids on here. and 2) ya, you did deserve to get dumped. hopefully you can learn something from this. Your attack on him is totally uncalled for. Pornographic? What?
amerikajin Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Yeah, and if there are kids on here, they shouldn't be. This is clearly an adult dating site -- not adult as in XXX adult, but clearly intended for mature audiences. I don't even like it when I read the posts from teenagers here, and to be honest, I think the mods ought to institute a minimum age of 18, not 13 or 14 or whatever it is now. The teenies have their twitters and facebooks and myspace accounts; leave this one to the grownups. As for the OP, well, I guess you've learned your lesson about pressuring someone into having sex. You have to slow down and pace things a bit. I think you freaked her out by wanting to move fast and now she feels insecure. Next time, slow it down.
paleblue Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Your attack on him is totally uncalled for. Pornographic? What? its reading out like a sex story. "she was wearing just panties" "I even tried to finger her " i dont think its unreasonable to suggest refraining from the explicity since this is a public form with underage people. sorry!
utterer of lies Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 its reading out like a sex story. "she was wearing just panties" "I even tried to finger her " i dont think its unreasonable to suggest refraining from the explicity since this is a public form with underage people. sorry! I think you have a very distorted view on the world. He's depressed and feeling bad and trying to tell us about his mistake and you abuse his description of what happened to derive arousal from it?
Ay Diesel T Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Don't think you were an ******* at all, you two just had different views on sex. Would you really have been happy with her? You sound like a pretty sexually active guy, she sounds kind of prude. How can you, as a man, obtain happiness from a relationship that would have little to no sexual activity in it? That's beyond me.
paleblue Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 hmm. i dont feel i am that distorted. altho, i guess it depends on who you ask anyways, i think everyones entitled to their own opinions. and i feel for the most part i am pretty non-judgemental. i just find it hard to believe you dont think it was even slightly indecent? what if your 10 year old kid was reading it and asks what's fingering? would you talk about fingering in front of your grandmother? or out in a public restaurant? i dunno. i just think whats the difference between talking about it here or in the real world on front of people? i always thought the same decency applies since this isnt private chat. maybe im wrong, i dunno. if you dont think there was anything wrong with it, than you dont. im not going to make a federal case out of it! and there's definately no arousal from it. we just diasgree on this one. it's still all good.
Questionis Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I think that's just a thing that happens with two people who are attracted to each other. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Next time try doing things together outside, with lots of people around like sports, tennis maybe? This way you can interact and have fun and enjoy each others company without things like this cropping up. If you want to wait and you wanna get married to her, then you need to text her back and apologise and then give her some space. A few weeks, maybe a month? Then you can contact her and tell her you would like to give it another go and the things you want to change. I think if she knows that you care and are sorry she will give you a second chance
Lucky_One Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I'm not going to mince words with you. Yes, you were a giant butthole. You know that she has these strong beliefs, and you pushed and pushed and pushed, trying to get basic biology to make her lose enough control of herself physically to "give in" and let you do whatever it was that you had in mind for the culmination of the night. Yes, she was stupid, to trust that you wouldn't try to push her boundaries and to put herself in a situation where she would be tempted. But honestly, this is what I hate about so many young men. When they get around a girl who is honest and upfront about her boundaries and who still wants to be affectionate and romantic and loving towards someone that she is attracted to, but who gets a grabby man who thinks that he can push her farther than she wants to go, just from sheer lust. Like hearing some high school boy say "You can't leave me like this! My balls are blue! You are just a tease!" so that a young woman who is unsure of herself in the whole sexual arena feels some sort of sick obligation to "take care" of his terminal sperm build-up. Ugh. Whew - rant over. I feel better now.
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Yeah, and if there are kids on here, they shouldn't be. This is clearly an adult dating site -- not adult as in XXX adult, but clearly intended for mature audiences. I don't even like it when I read the posts from teenagers here, and to be honest, I think the mods ought to institute a minimum age of 18, not 13 or 14 or whatever it is now. The teenies have their twitters and facebooks and myspace accounts; leave this one to the grownups. I couldn't agree more. I wish this site would require one to be at least 18 to post. Or give the teenagers a separate section like another well known forum does and give each decade their own forum as well for those times you're seeking advice but you know you'd like to hear it from people in your own age group. I know age does not always matter, but in terms of some life experiences, it certainly does.
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I deserve to hear I am an as s hole. I think I am writing this to hear that from women here so that I can treat the next one better. I also want to tell my story to guys so that they don't make the same stupid mistake. I met this amazing girl several weeks ago. I've lived in this coutry 7 years. I've never met a local woman who accepted me as being who I am. (my race,skin, background, personality) I was about to give up and meeting her made me feel very special She is a very religious girl who can't do any sexual acts before marriage. We kissed on our 2nd date. I felt very special and it was very romantic. As a single, normal guy, it was hard for me to restrict myself. I tried to touch her breasts and she kept moving my hands. we kissed crazy everytime we see though. around 5th date. I took her bra off and we made out. I thought she accepted me as her guy. I felt more closer to her than when we were just kissing. that night, she mentioned how she liked everything about me, she was mine and she even said she admired me. we met next day. After dinner, she was reluctant to come into my house because it would be hard for her to leave soon. I convinced her to just come in for a little bit. she said she couldn't go to church anymore because what we did last night was against the rule. (I should've sent her home after giving brieft kisses and hugs) we were talking on my bed, started to kiss. One thing led to another, I took her tops off. this time it went even further. I took her pants off and she was wearing just panties. I even tried to finger her (outside underwear) even though she moved my hands multiple times. I think I did that because some girls I met in the past, let their guards down after I kept trying. The fact was she was not one of those girls whom I brought from the club or who came over straight to my house from online dating. she deserved more respects. In my own mind, I was thinking it's ok to do that since I am not just into her body. (told her many times). I really like her inside and out. this would make us closer. That night, she left while I was sleeping (she did that before) I received a txt saying 'good bye' because if we hangout we would do those things. she wrote very nice words which made me even more sad. (I will miss you so much, you were an amazing man, thanks for everything you've done) I called and txted her but she didn't reply. From past experience, I know I shouldn't contact her anymore(sorry, please come back, I will change etc) which will push her further. I don't think I can find another person who will accept 'me' at least in another decade. I am sure most people have fun sexual experiences in the past. I wouldn't regret if she was just a drunk girl from a bar. I really learned, if you are with a special person who is worth more than some sexual funs, you should be very cautious. Guys, I made a worst investment in my life. I just traded this beautiful lady (in and out) for couple night's fun. I don't know if she can forgive me and will think about me after the time heals her. only god knows....... I'm sorry you've had to go through this difficult lesson. You should have kept your dates to public places. Now having said that, you are not 100% at fault here. She explored things right along with you. I think if you two continue to date (in public) you would eventually become frustrated and maybe she would too. You might end right back up in that same situation and go farther next time. You don't need to live on edge with that guilt that if you mutually do something again, that you are to "blame" and some awful guy. The girl can control herself. She has shown though that she is not mature enough to handle herself hence her need to completely cut you off. The mere fact that she left you over this should be enough for you to move on.
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 But honestly, this is what I hate about so many young men. When they get around a girl who is honest and upfront about her boundaries and who still wants to be affectionate and romantic and loving towards someone that she is attracted to, but who gets a grabby man who thinks that he can push her farther than she wants to go, just from sheer lust. I agree with you but I don't think the OP is the only one with a lesson learned. The "girl with the boundaries" should NOW know that she should include not getting into a guy's bed and making out with said guy as part of her boundaries as well. They are equally at fault.
utterer of lies Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 i just find it hard to believe you dont think it was even slightly indecent? what if your 10 year old kid was reading it and asks what's fingering? A parent who is concerned about this and lets their 10 year old kid surf the internet without filtering and supervision displays such a colossal failure in parenting that I truly doubt reading about fingering on a dating-related discussion forum will even register among the other problems. maybe im wrong, i dunno. Yes, you are. it's still all good. Sure
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 She's upset because you didn't respect her relgious views on sex. She let you convince her to go further than she wanted to.. When in the heat of the moment it's hard to say no. I commend her strength. I wouldn't say you're an a-hole, you treated her nicely, you didn't yell or hit her. Think you're being too hard on yourself. Also, why do you think noone else will accept you for who you are? Because of your race? or do you have a personality flaw that's obvious? just a suggestion. next time spare us the pornographic details of your adventures. this isnt th forum for it and no one really wants to hear it. there's kids on here. and 2) ya, you did deserve to get dumped. hopefully you can learn something from this. No, we like details like that! Most on here don't mind. Young kids shouldn't be on loveshack. ANd, if they are posting in the DATING section on an advice forum then you'd better assume they know all about fingering and boobs. Your attack on him is totally uncalled for. Pornographic? What? I agree. Completely.. its reading out like a sex story. "she was wearing just panties" "I even tried to finger her " i dont think its unreasonable to suggest refraining from the explicity since this is a public form with underage people. sorry! I've read alot worse on here, what he talked about was pretty tame. Anyway, if those young eyes are upset by what they've read on here, it means they shouldn't be on this site. Again though, if a young teen is posting and reading on this site, they are more than likely getting fingered or doing some fingering.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 what if your 10 year old kid was reading it and asks what's fingering? I would ask the parents why they don't keep an eye on what their kids do on the internet. Did you know that many kids under the age of 10 have googled boobs, penis, vagina, sex...And, many have stumbled onto PORN sites, which as a parent, would be more alarming and concerning than reading the words fingering and taking her top off. Just my 2 cents.
fishtaco Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 what if your 10 year old kid was reading it and asks what's fingering? Bahahah! That's called expecting the society to parent one's kids, because s/he failed at it. Anyway, OP, the relationship wasn't going to work out anyway. You want sex before marriage, which is normal, she didn't, which is uncommon but valid. If I meet anyone like that, I don't care how attractive she is, I'd shake her hand and be her platonic friend, while I go date women that would have sex before marriage. Next time, don't get into relationships like this. It's bad for everyone involved.
Titania22 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 what if your 10 year old kid was reading it and asks what's fingering? Then I would answer the question. Kids are going to find what they are going to find on the internet, so instead of being prudish with them, it is better to use these time as opportunities to start a dialogue with them. All kids are exposed to so much more then we were, if we can't deal when thing come up they will shut down and not talk to us anymore. To give you some examples, at 9yrs old, my son wanted to think up a funny joke, the joke he thought up was "if a gay guy was on your back, would you pull him off". Last year my daughter year got school computers each, and with 2wks at 14yrs old, 1 boy was discover with 20Gb worth of porn. When my son was 10, you couldn't leave the house without seeing huge billboards saying, 'want longer lasting SEX', and the radio add seem to be 50% about maintaining erections for longer. So seriously if you think that a few posts on ls are the problem, think again. Most kids find a way to get of /b at some stage, and will have seen more kinky stuff then you have ever seen. So forget censorship, and concentrate on communication with regards parenting. Stop being so naive and enter the 21st century already.
fishtaco Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 So seriously if you think that a few posts on ls are the problem, think again. Most kids find a way to get of /b at some stage, and will have seen more kinky stuff then you have ever seen. So forget censorship, and concentrate on communication with regards parenting. Stop being so naive and enter the 21st century already. Bravo. Sounds like you are a parent that actually knows what parenting is about. Rare to find these days. On one hand, it's always great to see good parents. Their kids will have a better chance at being happy in life, and the world will be a slightly better place one kid at a time. On the other hand, crappy parents create a source of dysfunctional daughters which will supply me with hot ass no matter how old I get.... decisions decisions...
Titania22 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 On one hand, it's always great to see good parents. Their kids will have a better chance at being happy in life, and the world will be a slightly better place one kid at a time. On the other hand, crappy parents create a source of dysfunctional daughters which will supply me with hot ass no matter how old I get.... decisions decisions... Yes, I totally see your point of view. But I think low self esteem works just as well as dysfunction. So we could have parents that are good in most ways, but still make the child feel like a worthless loser, and you would still get your booty.
fishtaco Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Yes, I totally see your point of view. But I think low self esteem works just as well as dysfunction. So we could have parents that are good in most ways, but still make the child feel like a worthless loser, and you would still get your booty. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on parents. Mine were, well, not horrible, I mean at least there were no drugs or prostitution involved. But I'd say pretty comfortably situated in the realm of dysfunction. So I tend to think that parents impact their children a lot, including self esteem. Could be my personal bias. Making babies is definitely much easier than being responsible for those same babies. I was kidding about the booty. I was just trying to find a different way of saying they keep our strip clubs well stocked. That one is old and over used. So it was my creative contribution to LS today.
Author yongyong Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I don't know why people are changing the subjects. Anyways, I get different opinions from men and women. women say I should've been more careful. men say she is just more conservative. you will find another chick that would be ok with it. I knew she was very conservative in the beginning. I should've either left her alone or not try to change her rules. (it's like trying to make vegetarian gf eat meats) the bottom line, instead of getting depressed, I am trying to live positive. I am dreaming about this moment when I show up at her house (not right away, about a month later) she would forgive me. (it's like you are carrying this lottery ticket in your pocket. By thinking about what you will do if you win, you can stay happy for a week.) At least this is more realistic that winning a lottery. this is the only way I can stay normal. we had amazingly good time. I did not do anything special to make her happy. but her compliments were unbelieveable. (I am not sure if people normally use 'I admire you' in a relationship) I hope she would miss me as the time goes by.
fishtaco Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I don't know why people are changing the subjects. Oh yeah, sorry about that, I went off topic. I knew she was very conservative in the beginning. I should've either left her alone or not try to change her rules. (it's like trying to make vegetarian gf eat meats) You answered your own question. You started a relationship that you knew wasn't going to work out. That is never a good idea.
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