jamrah Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Well, the reality and the finality of the situation is slowly sinking in. I broke with my girlfriend of six years, eight months ago. Those eight months have been filled with every kind of emotion. I was NC then I wasn't, we would speak, then we wouldn't etc etc. Well she hooked up with an older guy after we split, she basically dumped me for him. I was gutted, but I thought ok she'll have fun with this guy, then surely we'll get back together. Well I spoke to her and it turns out that she is really in love with this guy. She admits that she cant help the way she feels. I truly thought I would be given a second chance. Everyone said she'll realise what she's lost and we might try again. Can't believe I'll never be with her again. I guess we just weren't meant to be. I do feel sad, but now I think I can fully move on. I hope she is happy, but more importantly I hope I can be happy!! Thanks j.
MissyLove Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I dont want to give you any hope but the truth is, we dont know what will happen in the future. People fall in love and they can definitely fall out of love. But do you want someone who doesnt want to be with you? I am sure you could have an amazing girl who would love to spend every second with you and would never let you go. Believe me, I know it's hard but all our energy and thoughts we put into our ex are just wasted thoughts and time. Try to NC for good, I think this is the best way ... speaking from my own experience. Goodluck
willpower Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 We've all been there, thinking the new person will not last. All it does is make us hold on to our ex when we really need to be letting them go. We can only be free when we get to the point of actually internalising that it doesn't matter if it lasts or not, all that now matters is me. You can still love your ex but you wont be free till you let go of all expectations and hopes with them. Really letting them go is so liberating. Its not the whole fix but it is like the dawn. For what its worth I genuinely think that in any given relationship which had a degree of health either person could end up being the one left heartbroken, its just down to timing. Its just a human reaction to being told you were not worth what you thought you were. I'm sure the shock of this puts us into such a state that we then cannot see any good in potential new partners and so we end up on here;) The flip side is if you were in a good relationship, but it was hitting a few troubles and a new person came along that looked all shiny and interesting you may be able to leave the rocky one and set off with the new person without much of a care in the world. The other person may then be left heartbroken, which person you are is probably just down to timing and circumstances. Its part of being human, doesn't take the pain away but when you realise emotions are just a bunch of chemicals that form our repsonse to events it does make me laugh at how stupid it is to get all upset about it. (Coming from a guy who had a massive relapse last night after hearing "someone like you" by Adele on the radio) Chin up - soldier on!
PowerOfOne Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Great insight willpower. OP - Rebounds have less of a chance then most of lasting. In saying that my HS girlfriend that I dumped rebounded in less then a month and is now married with 3 kids to him. I'm happy for her. But for the rest, I've seen even the most comfortable couples breakup because one of them brought in the baggage from an ex. Even when they were the dumper. You really have to let the universe do it's thing. If it's going to happen, there is nothing you can do about it. There really isn't! Many people have gotten back together after they did all the no no's. Begging, crying etc. As for me, I did everything 'technically' right and i haven't heard squat in 3 months. So there is no rhyme or reason to the way life goes. In accepting that, I realised that life for for the living. And while I'm single it's for living for me. Be a complete you without the need for a SO.
Mixed28 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Great insight willpower. OP - Rebounds have less of a chance then most of lasting. In saying that my HS girlfriend that I dumped rebounded in less then a month and is now married with 3 kids to him. I'm happy for her. But for the rest, I've seen even the most comfortable couples breakup because one of them brought in the baggage from an ex. Even when they were the dumper. You really have to let the universe do it's thing. If it's going to happen, there is nothing you can do about it. There really isn't! Many people have gotten back together after they did all the no no's. Begging, crying etc. As for me, I did everything 'technically' right and i haven't heard squat in 3 months. So there is no rhyme or reason to the way life goes. In accepting that, I realised that life for for the living. And while I'm single it's for living for me. Be a complete you without the need for a SO. Yeah I did everything right to and she was with a guy 2 months later after our breakup. It has now been a little over 3 months since the breakup. I just said to hell with it theres nothing I can do just walk away from the sitiuation. I can tell I did not push her away but when I think about it does it really matter she is gone anyway. Although don't beg for them back for your dignity's sake. Its better to just leave and see what happens just focus on you.
willpower Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I think the way which will 'work' the most often (and by work I dont mean getting them back but allow you to leave on good terms with a good degree of self respect and set you on course to getting back to yourself) is to tell them how you feel, and allow them the opportunity to contact you if they value these feelings. I did a lot of stuff 'wrong' but we were always on good terms so luckily this did not make her hate me. When I finally calmed down I went round, told her my feelings and that all I could do was make an offer and that the rest was up to her but that I had left the door open. I do have contact with her through work but thats exactly where it stops. NC can't actively get them back - it can help you retain your dignity, regain your self respect and possibly in some cases create a vacuum to pull them back into. Also flip it round, have you ever been going out with someone and ex who you are not interested in keeps texting through. Its so pathetic that you start to hate that person.
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