Silvaria Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Hello, everyone. It was suggested that I post here, because I am in the lucky position of having another chance with my ex, now boyfriend again. Our backstory is far too long and complicated to post here...but I will give the good and the bad as succinctly as possible. We met in an online game in January of 2009. It was love at first chat. It was intense from the start...and yes, he is bipolar, which I realize now had something to do with it. But we had an obvious connection from the start, and we enjoyed the intensity. Unfortunately, about 2 months after we met, I made a joke on the phone one night, and he took it the wrong way...that was the first breakup. I stayed away from him, but eventually, he came back to me, and we reconciled. We had some rough times, where he would break up with me again for a few days, but always came back. Then, in August of 2010, he broke up with me rather harshly, but stayed in constant contact with me. I came here to find some support, but everyone kept telling me to go NC...to stay away from him, not be friends...however, I knew him, and I knew the situation, and I chose differently. I DID stay friends, because I knew he had serious abandonment issues, and walking away just would not work for us. Well, it was a good thing I did...several nights ago, he began to hint that he was thinking about wanting a relationship with me again...but I'm beyond games at this point in my life, so last night, I asked him outright what he was thinking. He told me that he missed me tremendously, and had been wanting to try again for a while, but his pride was in the way. So we agreed to give it another go, and we talked for 7 hours, hashing out EVERY bit of anger, frustration, and doubt we had...and we decided to begin again with a clean slate, and to leave the past in the past. I cannot even begin to express how happy I am. I cried tears of joy several times today...after 6 1/2 months, I had naturally begun to wonder if there was ever any hope again, and to have him back as mine again is indescribable. I am still in a bit of shock, but it is a fantastic shock, if that makes sense... The moral of the story is, while I wouldn't advocate staying friends for everyone, my situation is proof that NC is simply not the end-all, be-all answer to EVERY breakup. Those who say so are close-minded and blind to the infinite range of human emotions. Follow your heart...it may still be broken in the end, but if you don't take a chance, you'll never be open to the potential rewards. Happy and back with the love of her life, Silvaria
PowerOfOne Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Thanks for coming to post! You're absolutly right about picking your own direction. Fortunatly, NC works in all cases. And as said everytime it's mentioned - it's for you to move on. Not to get them back. You chose to chase him and got him back. Kudos to you. I hope all works out for you.
usagi Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Well done. However please let us know if the behaviour where he breaks up with you 'for a few days' and then comes back again continues or if this new relationship develops to a grown up situation where problems are handled within the relationship and not with reactionary measures such as that. Personally I wouldn't have kept in touch (and didn't) and I'd have gone NC but if he has taken the time to deal with those issues and ensure they won't resurface then I can see why you're trying again. If my ex had/has taken the time to sort those issues out too then great for her, but my having gone NC doesn't stop her getting in touch and apologising for past mistakes and illustrating how she has taken measures to address her issues. Wishing you all the best.
Treasa Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Good luck, but the history of him breaking up with you for a few days at a time sounds remarkably similar to my ex. My ex broke up with me for the last time in May of last year, and now I realize how immature and selfish he was, and how glad I am to be rid of him. No one should have to endure constantly being dumped. It really kills your trust and self-esteem. And every time my ex came back, we DID go over what went wrong and tried to start over again witha clean slate. It never completely stuck. If he does it again, I would advise not staying friends, and just walking away.
flow15 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 My ex was the same, he broke up with me last march only to ask me back a few days later. Then broke up with me again in may and asked for me back in august. Then broke up with me 2 weeks after that and then asked for me back in january, then broke up with me a day later!! Every time we talked about our issues and tried to sort out our problems, but for some reason he would always run away. It really damages your self-confidence and trust and the thing is, I let him do this to me... I let him come back again and again, and hurt me again and again. We also remained in contact everytime he broke up with me. But this time I have cut all contact. IF he comes back again, I don't think I could take him back seeing as he has a history of always leaving. I hope for you this time round he won't run away again, but be careful and aware that it is possible for him to dump you again.
aerogurl87 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Your story sounds eeriely similar to mine. My ex and I met on an online game, it was really intense chemistry from the beginning, and he's bipolar also, lol. With that said I can relate to not wanting to abandon him. I didn't and still can't abandon my ex. Plus we've somehow transitioned over the past year and some odd months, from being enemies with a love/hate relationship to being good friends. I'm happy for you though and goes to show you that not one size fits all when it comes to the intricate web of relationships.
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