SilverLining Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 When I got laid off, a guy I was casually dating offered to let me move into his second bedroom. Although he can be fun, I knew that we shouldn't get into a relationship as he has issues...he doesn't handle his anger well, he doesn't communicate, he's insensitive, and physically things were just not good. And a myriad of other things. Despite that, it was nice to have someone to cuddle with and since my ex-fiance dumped me, I hadn't really spent time with many guys that actually liked me and wanted to get to know me...as opposed to just having sex. Even though I knew that we shouldn't be in a relationship and even though we had periods where we were just awful with each other, I am just the type of person that has a lot of love to give and I let myself get too close. I thought that we would just have fun and enjoy the good times while I was here...but now he has decided that he should date other people. I understand that, he had told me he loved me before, and he had been waiting for me to change my mind about us, and now he does see that we are not good for each other. I knew it couldn't last and that we would separate eventually, but for now I'm having such a hard time with it. He goes out on dates and I'm so incredibly jealous. I was fine with not dating anyone while I was living here, but since he has started I feel like I need to date too, or I would just stay at home and cry the whole time he was gone. I have always been kind to him, and always sensitive of his feelings but he is not sensitive to mine at all. He knows I care for him a lot but he's switched himself off to me. I can't turn my feelings off. Aside from how things are going here, he has turned my group of friends against me...maybe not intentionally, but he badmouths me to a mutual friend of ours who took it upon himself to 'punish me' by telling everyone not to talk to me anymore. My roommate says he has told this friend that he didn't agree with it and that it was wrong...but he still hangs out with him, and last night the whole group got together and I wasn't invited. I was friends with them for 2 years before my roommate showed up! My roommate won't stick up for me. I know that I should move out, and I do have a job now...the problem is that I've signed a contract to teach in the Middle East and I really need to save money. My roommate plans on moving out of this place at the end of April and I can take over the lease at that time...but that means 2 more months of this...I would move out but by the time I saved enough to move and cover an apt, I would be living there maybe 3 months. I just don't know how to deal with this. Tonight I did something awful....my roommate went on this date with a girl he met online, and I was so jealous about it I couldn't resist and I checked his account to see which girl it was. I feel horrible about it, I know it's so wrong. The worst part is, he found out about it and now he's incredibly pissed at me...of course. I know, it's what I get for doing something so terrible. I just don't know how to handle this situation, I feel bad all the time and I am doing stupid things like this that reflect badly on myself as a person. 2 more months of this and he may be bringing girls home and I just don't know what I would do. I have tried to talk to him about this...he doesn't care about my feelings...which is terrible after all the care I took with his. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense...it's late and I'm just exhausted. I just really need some advice.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 IF very soon (reasonably soon, I mean) you are committed to going far, far away from him and your entire present surroundings, surely you can be a little nearer to laying everything out on the table in front of your roommate than most others might be. I can't see from here whether he's going to take his chances with you or whether you don't have much hope romantically with him, but if nothing else you need the lesson you may gain by BOLDLY making yourself vulnerable to him by being direct about your feelings - ALL of your feelings. (tell him enough so that he at least logically understands why you checked his account to see what girl he was with) (convince yourself that you'll be going away soon enough, and that you could survive the outcome until then)
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