liteoftheworld Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 My ex and I were together for about a year off and on. The relationship was anything but healthy. He had made mistakes early on that pretty much set the course for what we were going to be, but I was naive and I just wanted to love him as much as he said he loved me. Looking back at the decisions I made during that year makes me question who I really am now. I feel like i fell so far off the path of what I wanted and who I was that I barely recognize the reflection staring back at me in the mirror(metaphorically speaking). I feel like this unworthy man took me for a ride then dumped me off when he was bored of my company. And now I dont know where to go. I am in college back home here in tx but I am going back to my university in DC in the fall(more mistakes). And he lives in the area of my school in DC and I am afraid that if I see him i wont be able to handle it. I truly fell for someone who couldnt care less about me. But I cant stop loving him. Im too young(20yrs) to feel like I cant be fixed, and find my way back to the woman I use to be with set goals and unwavering grasp on reality. How do I recover from such a emotionally draining relationship when all i can ever think about is him?
D78 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 ... Looking back at the decisions I made during that year makes me question who I really am now... I feel like i fell so far off the path of what I wanted and who I was that I barely recognize the reflection staring back at me in the mirror(metaphorically speaking). I feel like this unworthy man took me for a ride then dumped me off when he was bored of my company. And now I dont know where to go... I don't think you should question who you are. Chalk this up to a mistake. Even the best people make 'em. It may be true that an unworthy man took you for a ride and dumped you when he got bored; but, isn't that realization in hindsight? Forgive yourself for loving someone who didn't deserve it. It's almost a rite of passage I think. ... And he lives in the area of my school in DC and I am afraid that if I see him i wont be able to handle it. I truly fell for someone who couldnt care less about me. But I cant stop loving him... Go out of your way to not see him when you return to DC. The more he is not a part of your life, the more you can recover from the pain he caused you, and you can stop loving him. ... Im too young(20yrs) to feel like I cant be fixed, and find my way back to the woman I use to be with set goals and unwavering grasp on reality. How do I recover from such a emotionally draining relationship when all i can ever think about is him? You're really smart for a 20-year-old. You can no doubt make your way back to who you were before (except you will be smarter having lived through this). I'm sure you've heard this 10,000 time before, time will heal your heart. You have to use that time wisely by learning about yourself, growing, doing things you neglected, etc. How long do you have until you return to DC?
depplover_1980 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Lite, I understand your confusion here and I believe business will be restored for you soon. The type of man you have been involved with is a manipulator; these guys are so condensed with their own issues that they are not willing to deal with, that they reflect it externally onto their partners/lovers. You have simply fallen victim to a form of hypnosis. I expect this love you feel for him is not love at all, but again a result of the situation. What he's done is put you through emotional turmoil where your psyche had to rapidly try and process each emotion, but they were coming so fast. As you were in a relationship of sort with him, the social conditioning emotion you are raised to feel is love, so you quickly identified this onslaugh of feeling as mainly love. Now the above is no solution but it is what I expect has happened in your head. The solution is that you recall who you were before the relationship, write stuff down if you need to, for instance 10 great things about you and 5 things you enjoy doing. Focus for a couple of weeks to purposely get those 10 and 5 things into your life, or for the 10 recognise when that great traits emerge. Give yourself props for being you again and you will see that you have not gone anywhere. But you know what? He has and he is gone. I would like to say that you come across as perceptive, dignified and intelligent. One trait there that you will need if faced with him is dignity and you already have it. I will comment further when you respond with the timelines... But I will add something about myself to maybe help. You are worried about coming back from this, so I'll tell you a couple of things i've done and come back (excluding relationship break ups) from: - Violently attacked my boyfriend in a shared house so he had to jump out of the 1st floor window. - Cut my own arms with a knife before chasing people at a party with it. I have done some way more serious things and recovered, cleaned my act up and most of all LEARNT from it all. If you learn from an experience you will mostly be richer for it.
imyuinny Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I myself have just got out of an emotionally draining relationship too. I too still think about my ex and its hard. The recovery process unfortunately takes a while, painful as it seems, the one thing to keep in check which I am doing for myself is to tell my own self this... "Be kind to myself and be patient" In time, you will find yourself again. After such scrutiny, insults and psychological hits... it takes time to find the comfortable and happy you again. I did all sorts of things to try and make myself happy again. Like travelling, reading books such as 'the alchemist', 'eat, pray, love' and 'the legend of pi' - which are great books by the way, reconnecting with my old friends, clubbing, playing computer games and all sorts! But these are just things that I love to do... find something that make you happy. I visited an orphanage and that helped heaps as it reminded me to be humble and compassionate for others. Mind you travelling somewhere completely different helps to ease the conflicting mind too. Because somewhere along the way, you meet interesting characters and yes memory hits sometimes to think back about what happened. But the more you push yourself to stay in the 'present' the more you appreciate what's there and more importantly... you appreciate 'YOU' more. If you get what I mean... Rebuild the time of your life now with things you've always wanted to do. Whatever direction or path takes you... enjoy it now.
Author liteoftheworld Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I go back at the end of the summer which will probably be like the end of july so I can find an apartment. But I honestly feel like as soon as he finds out I'm back he will try to contact me. Or worse whenever he gets bored he will just text or call just to get my emotions all riled up. Just so he can feel like at the very least he knows he still has my heart and he can do whatever and thats not going to change. I just wish I could get to the point that I didnt care about what he thought, what he was doing, or who he is with. But I find myself constantly feeling sad at the thought of him being with someone new when I'm here feeling like I am on the hunt for all the broken pieces to my heart in a wasteland of loneliness. I do think that time heals wounds. But wounds deep enough leave lasting scars and I dont even want to remember that wasted year of my life.
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