Goldenspoon Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Thank you for yr replies. I cannot dispute what anybody has said, I too acted very inappropriately. I was hoping that because he has not been inappropriate lately, that he too thought we went too far and just wants to be friends. But i realize now that since we crossed that line it would be only a matter of time before things got inappropriate again. One question for you: Are you going to be honest with your husband and tell him everything that has happened? If not, you're a cheater and a continue liar.
What_Next Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Quite the turn around. If any of us had some small role to play in your decision then perhaps that collective effort and time we all spend here is worth it. I don't personally agree with you not telling your husband, but I understand it. If you resolve to learn from this mistake and use it as a wake up call then I can also understand that. Do me a favor, remember that your husband CANNOT READ YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!! Yes that is in capital letters for a reason, if he is not paying you the attention you need, if he is not making you fee loved or needed or wanted, then bloody well tell him. Get the largest frying pan in your kitchen and whack him upside his head if necessary (kidding of course). Go out and get the book "His needs, Her needs" by Dr. Harley. Read it, trust me it'll make sense. Then after you've read it, give it your husband and tell him to read it. Staple his bloody fingers to it if need be. You've managed to pull your feet out of what could have been a very hot fire. Do keep this thread and read it if need be.
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Do me a favor, remember that your husband CANNOT READ YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!! This, a million times this. If you want more attention, TELL HIM SO. Be direct, but be cool about it. If you want to be flattered- tell him (in a nice, playful way, of course)- "Hey when was the last time you told me how I look?" or something similar in a light-hearted vein. You should probably come clean, but if you're determined not to, I hope that you are able to get what you want (and, just as important, help him get what he wants) out of your marriage.
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I've spent nearly this last whole week reading this thread over and over....and talking to my non-judgmental best friend, and it has hit me like a ton of bricks that this situation has nothing to do with him personally as being such a great guy (which I am realizing he is not) but with me, and the boost to my self-esteem his attention gives me. I know my husband finds me attractive but I guess after 10 yrs together I've forgotten that and need to remember. Rather than seeing my coworker's words as flattering compliments, I see them as cheap, cheesy come-ons that he's probably used before. It's unfortunate for his wife. I am not going to tell my husband about this. I know many will disapprove, and maybe it is selfish, but everyday my resolve is going to get stronger and I see no need to hurt him. I will keep rereading this thread, and any new comments bc I know it's not going to be easy. When I start to pull away, OM seems to sense it and then the attention comes on strong. I hope he is realizing that we have gone too far but that is his problem. Thanks for all words, advice...I need to focus on spicing up my marriage AND my self-esteem. Look, it's nice to get compliments from other men. It's good for the ego to know "you still have it and someone else other than your spouse finds you hot". Everybody likes that attention, it makes one smile and feel good. It's normal! You know what you've been doing was wrong and I'm very happy to hear that you've taken the time to think about this. And the potiental damage that could have happened if you continued. Though, don't put all this on your coworker. You were flirting with him just as much and doing dirty talk, too. The cat/mouse game, everybody knows about it. Only way to stop it, IS to stop. If he asks, or flirts again, tries to open that door just tell him it's wasted energy on the wrong person and you'd rather flirt with your H. Get a sitter, take your H out for a romantic and fun date. Make out, hold hands and laugh. Reconnect with him.
WorldIsYours Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Can't believe some folks that I look up to are actually supporting this woman and her selfish, crazy decision to continue lying and cheating on her husband and family, and messing with a married man. Lady you can leave if you want, but you know deep down that you're wrong. That is why you came here. You know if you keep doing this, the sh%t will hit the fan eventually and the pain your husband experiences will most likely cost your marriage.
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Can't believe some folks that I look up to are actually supporting this woman and her selfish, crazy decision to continue lying and cheating on her husband and family, and messing with a married man Are we reading the same thread and last recent reply by JD? Only thing that she's still doing wrong is not telling her husband about this, but she has that right not to. it has hit me like a ton of bricks that this situation has nothing to do with him personally as being such a great guy (which I am realizing he is not) but with me, and the boost to my self-esteem his attention gives me. I know my husband finds me attractive but I guess after 10 yrs together I've forgotten that and need to remember. Rather than seeing my coworker's words as flattering compliments, I see them as cheap, cheesy come-ons that he's probably used before. It's unfortunate for his wife. Where in this does it say that she is continuing her behaviour, to cheat on her H? The only lie she is now telling or omitting is NOT coming clean with her H. Last part I bolded, JaneDoe - It is also unfortunate for your H as you've done the exact same thing, same behaviour as your coworker. And, how does he know that you haven't done this before with someone else? I'm just saying, before you go assuming the worst out of him, maybe you should own your part abit more too.
WorldIsYours Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Are we reading the same thread and last recent reply by JD? Yes we are. Only thing that she's still doing wrong is not telling her husband about this, but she has that right not to. I think you're the one not reading clearly if you can't see she's justifying her continuance of lying and cheating and holding back crucial information that her husband needs to know. it has hit me like a ton of bricks that this situation has nothing to do with him personally as being such a great guy (which I am realizing he is not) but with me, and the boost to my self-esteem his attention gives me. I know my husband finds me attractive but I guess after 10 yrs together I've forgotten that and need to remember. Rather than seeing my coworker's words as flattering compliments, I see them as cheap, cheesy come-ons that he's probably used before. It's unfortunate for his wife. Where in this does it say that she is continuing her behaviour, to cheat on her H? The only lie she is now telling or omitting is NOT coming clean with her H. You bolded one part of her post that is still full of meaningless justifications for putting her husband's life at risk for STDs, and destroying her marriage. Last part I bolded, JaneDoe - It is also unfortunate for your H as you've done the exact same thing, same behaviour as your coworker. And, how does he know that you haven't done this before with someone else? I'm just saying, before you go assuming the worst out of him, maybe you should own your part abit more too. And what about the part where you suggested that she take her husband out on a date while lying to him and keeping the truth from him. I'm sure he didn't sign up to be cheated on.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 She hasnt't had sex with this guy, as far as I know. If you can find the quote which says she has, then please post it. Anyway, what is the point of bashing her over the head telling her to tell her H? She isn't going to, she's already said that, so I just gave her a suggestion. Chill out man.
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 She hasnt't had sex with this guy, as far as I know. If you can find the quote which says she has, then please post it. Doesn't matter. As long as she keeps this she'll just keep doing what she's doing. Anyway, what is the point of bashing her over the head telling her to tell her H? She isn't going to, she's already said that, so I just gave her a suggestion. Oh just justify him being lied to. Chill out man. You should do the same.
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Also just to back WWIU up, I have not seen any posting that claims the op slept with the OM or had any physical contact with him She may not have slept with him then, but what's stopping her now, especially if she won't even be woman enough to be honest with her husband.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 She may not have slept with him then, but what's stopping her now, especially if she won't even be woman enough to be honest with her husband. GIve the woman the benefit of doubt, k. She has said she sees the OM in a different light and isn't going to pursue this flirting thing and sexy talk anymore. The advice given has made her stop and think. That's a good thing. Thanks Ikjh
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 GIve the woman the benefit of doubt, k. She has said she sees the OM in a different light and isn't going to pursue this flirting thing and sexy talk anymore. The advice given has made her stop and think. That's a good thing. Her post still talks about how innocent this relationship with this guy was, and how she's going to keep her affair a secret... If she actually saw this guy in a different light, she wouldn't be having an affair with him. What she's doing is not a good thing. He needs to know. Marriages do not thrive on dishonesty and you know this.
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