NC progress!

[turn_the_page]

Brief info;

 

- ex gf broke up with my after 7 months of being together (9 months including dating)

- says she lost herself and wants to be on her own, shes turned into a party animal from being pretty boring lol...

- relationship problems were limited to us spending too much time together and not keeping other friendships and interests in our lives

- broke up 13 days ago, since have talked daily and attempted to be friends at her request, didnt work due to me getting jealous seeing her dancing with another guy in a club (even though she chased after me appologising after she knew i saw)

- initiated NC yesterday through a letter (which she read whilst I was there) explaining I cannot compromise my love for her to being a friend. We both got upset, hugged, kissed (for some crazy reason) then I left.

 

 

Day one (yesterday) - this was pretty poor, she contacted me to check i was ok, stupidly replied. then she replied again saying 'i dont see why you care so much' I didnt reply.

 

Day two - she contacted saying she needs to come bring my flatmates phone back (which she borrowed) via facebook, I ignored this. I later stupidly sent her an email saying 'you know exactly why I care so much about you as I've explained many times. when are you wanting to bring this phone?'

 

She replied 'tomorrow sometime' so I just replied 'I don't know if I will be around tomorrow' .... because really I dont want to see her now, because I will be too weak to not want to hug or kiss her.

 

Should I let her bring this phone round? She also wants to drop stupid things like contact lens solution off that I dont need.

[turn_the_page]

Update already! It's like shes watching me :-/ ha

 

Facebook chat message - 'Glad your '

I guess it is in response to my facebook status of a smiley face after having a good afternoon sorting some other issues out with my studying.

[Call Me Al]

Hide her profile. My ex's wasnt hidden and originally it wasnt a temptation....but I decided eventually I would sneak a peek and it would upset me.

 

 

Block her altogether. It'll help.

[silver68]

Sounds just like my relationship. To a t. We spent too much time together. We lost track of friends. We didn't have other things going on. If we did, it was together. I'll admit, I was happy spending 24/7 with her, but it really wasn't healthy. My family always thought it was strange how much time we spent together, but they let us learn from our mistakes.

 

A relationship consists of two healthy, independent people with their own lives. The relationship is icing on the cake. I'm excited for when I can be in a healthy relationship like this. I'm sure it will be amazing!! It makes for a much more interesting relationship.

 

Trust me, I was indeed happier in a relationship. I love the intimacy, the trust, the ability to tell the other person anything and everything, I could go on...but I'm doing better now. Before her I was single so I know I can do it again

 

I tried doing the whole friend thing for the first few days. That was so stupid. It just delays the healing. Look, can you honestly still see her as just a friend and support her when she is with some other guy? Saying she wants to be friends is her way of making her feel better. She thinks that her being in your life as a friend is better than nothing. That is not true. I wanted everything or nothing at all. At first I told her of course I wanted to be friends because our friendship was amazing, but then I really thought about it. No way. That ship has sailed. You have to be strong or at least act like it.

 

Have her drop it off in your mailbox or sometime when you aren't around. The second you see her, you will revert back to square one. Your emotions will be all messed up. NC is the only way to go. Maybe not the easiest, but certainly the best. I'm a few months down the road and can honestly say that I if had responded to every one of her texts, I would not be where I am today.

 

You will get through this, just try to not succumb to her pleading, it will only hurt you.

[turn_the_page]

Sounds just like my relationship. To a t. We spent too much time together. We lost track of friends. We didn't have other things going on. If we did, it was together. I'll admit, I was happy spending 24/7 with her, but it really wasn't healthy. My family always thought it was strange how much time we spent together, but they let us learn from our mistakes.

 

A relationship consists of two healthy, independent people with their own lives. The relationship is icing on the cake. I'm excited for when I can be in a healthy relationship like this. I'm sure it will be amazing!! It makes for a much more interesting relationship.

 

Trust me, I was indeed happier in a relationship. I love the intimacy, the trust, the ability to tell the other person anything and everything, I could go on...but I'm doing better now. Before her I was single so I know I can do it again

 

I tried doing the whole friend thing for the first few days. That was so stupid. It just delays the healing. Look, can you honestly still see her as just a friend and support her when she is with some other guy? Saying she wants to be friends is her way of making her feel better. She thinks that her being in your life as a friend is better than nothing. That is not true. I wanted everything or nothing at all. At first I told her of course I wanted to be friends because our friendship was amazing, but then I really thought about it. No way. That ship has sailed. You have to be strong or at least act like it.

 

Have her drop it off in your mailbox or sometime when you aren't around. The second you see her, you will revert back to square one. Your emotions will be all messed up. NC is the only way to go. Maybe not the easiest, but certainly the best. I'm a few months down the road and can honestly say that I if had responded to every one of her texts, I would not be where I am today.

 

You will get through this, just try to not succumb to her pleading, it will only hurt you.

 

Yeah totally the same and we both agreed that at the time spending 24/7 together was what made us happy and it didnt seem bad... but I guess she realised she wanted more... and i guess really i do too but was blind to it at the time....

 

I think I'm going to tell her just to leave it at the reception to our apartments (we also live in the same building), or to drop it round for my flatmate when I'm out. It just seems like an excuse to see me, she could after all of given it me when I gave her the letter initiating NC since I was at hers!

[turn_the_page]

Hide her profile. My ex's wasnt hidden and originally it wasnt a temptation....but I decided eventually I would sneak a peek and it would upset me.

 

 

Block her altogether. It'll help.

 

While this seems the best thing to do, I'm not sure I could... part of me wants to know to an extent what she is doing right now, which I know is silly. I guess the hard thing about keeping her on there is that if she gets with someone else I'm gona know...

[turn_the_page]

Really struggling today, all I want to do is contact her right now and just ask what shes doing. Or her to contact me

I cant bring myself to do anything, even though I have so much work to do, somehow I feel this is making things harder than when I was in touch with her, at least then I could function!

Any advice? Should I just stop this NC so I can function again?

[is2008]

stay strong TTP. i'm going through exactly the same as you. part of me wants any form of contact as long as it's contact. i'm at work, every time the phone rings i think it could be her, but it never is.

 

you need to really keep ahold of your emotions and force yourself not to reach out. our ex's broke up with us, doesn't matter why all that matters is that they did.

 

preserve your dignity. any reaching out will make things worse, you'll have to start NC again, she'll feel like she has the power over you... too many bad reasons not to reach out.

 

i can also assure you, i'm dying inside right now. i can imagine you're feeling the same. don't do it.

[turn_the_page]

stay strong TTP. i'm going through exactly the same as you. part of me wants any form of contact as long as it's contact. i'm at work, every time the phone rings i think it could be her, but it never is.

 

you need to really keep ahold of your emotions and force yourself not to reach out. our ex's broke up with us, doesn't matter why all that matters is that they did.

 

preserve your dignity. any reaching out will make things worse, you'll have to start NC again, she'll feel like she has the power over you... too many bad reasons not to reach out.

 

i can also assure you, i'm dying inside right now. i can imagine you're feeling the same. don't do it.

 

Literally dying inside also. I'm going to hold off, I've just spoke to a good friend who suggested doing something later tonight so that should keep my mind off things for a while. The days just seem so long at the moment! I guess its silly but I wish she'd get in touch so I could ignore her again, because I feel right now like I'm the weak one in this and want to feel in control again.

 

I know also if I contact her she is going to be in control again and will just see it as me either needing her or wanting to be a friend, neither of which I want right now.

[is2008]

when "love" turns into a battle for power and control, you know the other person isn't serious about you. both our ex's hold the control and with that, they can control our emotions AND our lives.

 

if they want to get back with us, they'll make it perfectly clear. anything short of grovelling will not be enough to make up for the pain we're suffering. to "die inside" is such a horrible feeling and nobody should inflict that upon anyone else.

 

out of interest are you from the UK? I used to know another TTP from another forum, long shot i know.

[turn_the_page]

when "love" turns into a battle for power and control, you know the other person isn't serious about you. both our ex's hold the control and with that, they can control our emotions AND our lives.

 

if they want to get back with us, they'll make it perfectly clear. anything short of grovelling will not be enough to make up for the pain we're suffering. to "die inside" is such a horrible feeling and nobody should inflict that upon anyone else.

 

out of interest are you from the UK? I used to know another TTP from another forum, long shot i know.

 

Yeah I'm from the UK! Which forum?

 

Exactly you're right, I've actually realised this today myself, for her to just go out there infront of me the other night and be all over someone else have made me think shes desperate, shes obviously not happy with something to have to go doing that. Maybe she didnt feel appreciated by me, but I didnt do anything to not appreciate her. She recently has been loosing a lot of weight (lost around 3 stone in 3 months which is crazy) so yeah she looks amazing these days, maybe she wants other guys to want her to make her feel better about herself.... why would I want someone like that?!

[is2008]

forum was lse.co.uk ... either you'll know it or you won't! if you are the same TTP from lse i'll send you a private msg and let you know who i am on there.

 

the way i see it... if she's all over someone else in front of you, that means she's not completely fulfilled with that guy and she's trying to make you jealous. rise above it

[turn_the_page]

forum was lse.co.uk ... either you'll know it or you won't! if you are the same TTP from lse i'll send you a private msg and let you know who i am on there.

 

the way i see it... if she's all over someone else in front of you, that means she's not completely fulfilled with that guy and she's trying to make you jealous. rise above it

 

Small world, yes I used to use LSE when I was trading a bit!

 

Yeah I know totally, it was a jealousy thing considering she chased after me crying her eyes out after ha!

It's going good tonight, chilled with some mates and didnt think about the silly girl once!

[turn_the_page]

I've got something going around in my head right now so I'm putting it here...

 

I've been thinking that maybe I didnt appreciate my ex as much as I should. She has been mega dieting for the past 3 months and her appearance has changed a lot, while she was doing this for herself should I have been constantly telling her that she looked good?

I always told her that I was proud of her and congratulated her everytime she weighed herself and had lost weight, is this enough?

 

I made her aware when she started dieting and throughout that I was always happy with the way she looked and was very much attracted to her even if she wasnt happy with the way she looked.

 

I appreciated her in other ways, gave her massages, kissed her out of the blue as well as other playful things we did like pretending to be lions lol... sounds silly be it made us both smile...

Edited February 22, 2011 by turn_the_page

[turn_the_page]

A mutual friend told me that my ex is 'struggling to be single' that she is finding it difficult. Also my ex told me whilst we were trying to be friends that she is now spending every night listening to sad music! why?!

[is2008]

TTP...

 

everyone struggles to be single. everyone wants to feel loved. don't mistake it for 'i want you back'. wait until she actually says it. i am, once again dying inside today... but i think the way she treats me isn't how love should be.

 

also... my identity... artful on the GKP board. we spoke quite reguarly

[CatriceButtelm]

I simply passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on that

[turn_the_page]

considering breaking NC once again. A family member got some medical results today and the ex had asked for me to let her know if something changes... I do want to tell her because I can only really talk to her about how I feel about this situation :-/

 

Is that a bad idea? I know most people will say to stay NC...

[turn_the_page]

So I broke NC.... ended up speaking on FB to the ex to tell her about my nan. She replied saying that shes got her fingers crossed etc and was supportive, then asked if I'd had some photos developed that I took of her for a project at Uni and asked if they were terrible, I said 'no comment haha' and joked around a bit with her about it, then told her than she knows im only joking. She told me that she was arguing with her mum about joining a gym and we talked about when we both finish for Uni. I then slipped in that I'm planning to go traveling in the summer, she seemed keen to know the details then just said 'wow'. Shortly after this she told me she had to go make dinner so I said bye... she stayed online and still is now.

 

I felt better from talking to her but I feel stupid now because she cut me off.

Was this a big mistake? :S

[kimflute26]

Yes, big mistake. I've read stories of two members on here who have gotten their exes back, and both of them ONLY responded to the ex after they had contacted them many times. She cut you off because she knows she's definitely in power, and she wants to keep it that way. This, in turn, makes you feel miserable longer. You broke NC to tell her something that made her feel like you need her support. Right now you need to do the OPPOSITE of that. If she contacts you, ignore it. Wait until she's calling you up, begging to talk for you to think about answering. And whenever you DO talk to her, it is VERY important that you act indifferent toward her. That means you can't act very interested or excited about anything she says. Keep all responses short and void of any emotion. Trust me, this will drive her nuts. I know it's the opposite of what you want to do. I know you want to be affectionate with her, like the way it used to be, but I promise you that will hurt far more.

Edited February 23, 2011 by kimflute26

[turn_the_page]

Yes, big mistake. I've read stories of two members on here who have gotten their exes back, and both of them ONLY responded to the ex after they had contacted them many times. She cut you off because she knows she's definitely in power, and she wants to keep it that way. This, in turn, makes you feel miserable longer. You broke NC to tell her something that made her feel like you need her support. Right now you need to do the OPPOSITE of that. If she contacts you, ignore it. Wait until she's calling you up, begging to talk for you to think about answering. And whenever you DO talk to her, it is VERY important that you act indifferent toward her. That means you can't act very interested or excited about anything she says. Keep all responses short and void of any emotion. Trust me, this will drive her nuts. I know it's the opposite of what you want to do. I know you want to be affectionate with her, like the way it used to be, but I promise you that will hurt far more.

 

So the NC carried on being broke since my past message. We tried to speak quite a bit, but everytime I felt as though she was letting me down, not asking anything about me, or initiating contact, always me doing everything. We met this morning to discuss how things are, stupidly I explained how difficult a time I'm having loving myself now and that I have no drive in life but explained it wasnt her fault, that its me for giving everything to our relationship. She told me she wants to continue talking and will be the one to initiate it if I feel crap coz im the one always contacting her first. URGH WHAT AM I DOING!?!?!

 

Have I basically ruined any future chance of this girl wanting me back by doing this?! I'm trying to heal but it just isnt working! Is she going to just think im pathetic now and that will make her realise that shes made the right decision to break up with me? and not to ever consider me again?!

[is2008]

TTP you've made a BIG mistake there buddy. You've given her the power to dictate who initiates contact and how often. BIG mistake.

 

I'm sorry but if you want ANY hope whatsoever of reconciliation (although it could be too late already) CUT all contact. Folks have told you before but you keep talking to her. Sorry to be harsh.

 

I refused to be friends with my ex and I'm on day 6 NC now. Everytime she breaks it, I'm always hostile to her offer of friendship. I said either talk to me as a partner or I don't want to talk, full stop.

 

I AM getting better even from my short period of NC. I have a lot of mixed emotions but I'm finally wondering whether she is right for me.

[turn_the_page]

TTP you've made a BIG mistake there buddy. You've given her the power to dictate who initiates contact and how often. BIG mistake.

 

I'm sorry but if you want ANY hope whatsoever of reconciliation (although it could be too late already) CUT all contact. Folks have told you before but you keep talking to her. Sorry to be harsh.

 

I refused to be friends with my ex and I'm on day 6 NC now. Everytime she breaks it, I'm always hostile to her offer of friendship. I said either talk to me as a partner or I don't want to talk, full stop.

 

I AM getting better even from my short period of NC. I have a lot of mixed emotions but I'm finally wondering whether she is right for me.

 

You have no idea how difficult it is not being 'friends' because we have the same friends, everywhere I go I see her, she lives in the same apartment block as me, we go to the same Uni... by ignoring her I'm loosing friends also because I cant go out when she goes out.

 

Whilst part of me still wants to be with her, if she turned around tomorrow and said that I'd refuse anyway, because I'm not happy with my own life right now so couldnt let her in. I just dont know what to do anymore!

 

When we talked today she said 'I still need space' and that she hasnt had any since she first decided she wanted to have a week of space before breaking up with me. She told me also she misses me but not the way I'm being right now and thats making her not want to speak to me and in a way its driving her away me being in contact and blaming her and being upset all the time...

 

Stupidly I feel better having talked to her and having come to some form of agreement :-/ I feel now like i can get on with my work and other things I need to do! Why is that?!

[turn_the_page]

Back to NC...

 

Having spent the past week or so being 'friends' with my ex I have realised its pointless.

I was told today by a mutual friend of ours that whilst she was on holiday (a week before we broke up) that she cheated on me, kissed another guy. I today confronted her about it, she outright denied it and swore on all her families life! Yet she was more concerned about who had told me and suggested two people, one of which told me, so they both must have known! I figured if she hadnt then she wouldnt have been anywhere near as defensive as she was, and secondly wouldnt have suggested people (Who are also her friends) that might have told me, because if in her eyes it didnt happen, nobody would have known?!?!?!

Played me out to be the fool for suggesting it, so I told her thats that.

 

I sent her a text message stating that I don't know what to believe but it is her that knows deep down and will have to live with it. That she has lost me forever because I cannot trust her and probably never will.

 

I dont see how someone can cheat, deny it and expect to carry on being friends, she is a joke! I have lost all respect for her by denying it.

[timchambo]

ahhh yes... the infamous "i need space" that leads to the truth. My ex did the same thing. Swore on her life she didn't. She ended up admitting it a couple days later when I had her cornered on something. I don't know why they do this. If they are done, want to leave for the other guy, just ****n spill it. I did the same thing as you. Turned my back, told her I never want to hear from her again. My ex had issues with her self worth for a long time. She landed her dream gig and turned into an attention seeking whore. man, 7 years with someone and you'd think you knew them.