Tofu Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 First off to the people who've heard me stress and worry about my relationship issue over and over again during the past 2 weeks I apologize for asking the same qu over and over again, I just felt abit unstable and needed some people to give me a sane perspective on things and really needed someone skilled in relationships to talk to really. Anyways now that i feel somewhat capable of living life without my ex now I just wanted to see how you guys feel bout this: Basically I broke NC on Tuesday and talked to her on msn basically telling her I cant be her friend due to the fact that you just cant be friends with some you love. She felt uncomfortable with the idea of us stopping contact but would do it because she didnt want to 'hurt' me anymore. We decided to just talk it further the next day on phone since it got late... next day happened and she didnt call me and i didnt either cos i felt it was her job to do it since she wants to stay friends so badly. So no contact all day and then later on the night i decided to pop around facebook to look at her profile and then saw that she was finally in a relationship with this guy friend of hers thats liked her for so long now, i instantly loled seeing that wat i guessed was the real reason she decided to split with me actually was true and it was not just distance. I instantly deleted all the things that conncected me to her, phone number, facebook, msn, everything and have not been in contact with her since. It had only been under a week she split with me and shes already hooked up with him. Right now I view her as a backstabbing betrayer who lied to my face saying that the long distance between us was the only reason that tore us apart when really she had hidden feelings for this guy for so long now or why else would she have hooked up with him so quickly? We dont talk anymore and i have no urge to contact her at all after the amount of damage shes done to the bond we once had, so its full NC from now on for me and i couldnt be more comfortable with it after realizing wat shes done. However theres still a small part of me that thinks she just made a big mess with handling this breakup and ended up hurting me even more without the intention of doing it cos of her inexperience with relationships (shes only 17 and i was practically her 1st serious one), thats wat my friend told me to consider anyway and ive thought about it abit... maybe she did and that night she was meant to call she was too scared to do so cos i pretty much summed up i wanted NC to her the night before. I dunno guess im just over analyzing things now but is my attitude to this whole thing normal? I want to hate her for doing these things like any normal person would, but i just cant seem to build up any rage that would make me feel better that i left this liar of an ex... i still think bout her at times but nothing that would make me miserable, just thinking how shes coping without me now. Its weird i know guys but any thoughts on this would be appreciated, you guys rock
Author Tofu Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 are the people who know about my story not online anymore? this is a link to the original and i know its abit to read but id be v happy if i could get some views on how things have developed: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264554/
timchambo Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I think being angry is totally normal. My ex did the same thing after over 7 years. We were not a long distance relationship, so her excuse was her career. What I have learned in all this is when girls have this sudden change of heart out of the blue, there is someone else involved. All I can tell you is what I am going through. I am about 2 months out from my breakup and I still have nothing but hatred in my mind when she comes up. I gave her my heart, money, time, and she leaves me for another guy. I don't know if I will ever be able to look back at those 7 years and see happiness. I think I was hurt less by the fact she cheated honestly. If you were to imagine you weren't worth the distance, wouldn't you hurt more?
depplover_1980 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Thing is Tim, Tofu has not hit the angry stage yet but you will soon Tofu. I mean anger is just as awful, but it's got to be better than the stage you're stuck in. As I said to you before I'm worried you're moping around and not listening to the great advice you've already been given. I think you are waiting for someone to tell you that she's coming back, hang in there because that would be the far easier solution that the truth. The truth is it's over and now you have to start looking at yourself, which is not a small thing. But it will be one of the best things you do and your strength of character will go through the roof. You can do it.
Author Tofu Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Thing is Tim, Tofu has not hit the angry stage yet but you will soon Tofu. I mean anger is just as awful, but it's got to be better than the stage you're stuck in. As I said to you before I'm worried you're moping around and not listening to the great advice you've already been given. I think you are waiting for someone to tell you that she's coming back, hang in there because that would be the far easier solution that the truth. The truth is it's over and now you have to start looking at yourself, which is not a small thing. But it will be one of the best things you do and your strength of character will go through the roof. You can do it. Yes in the early stages i had been clinging onto the idea of maybe, just maybe i could be back together with her but i was only kidding myself and now that shes hooked up with this jerk thats had a thing for her for so long now, i see things just wont ever turn out as ideal as i wished it would. It hurts knowing she would pick another guy over me after all the times ive been there to support her and then she catches 'the grass is greener syndrome' and ditches me, yet also wants me around still as a friend to give her support and advice shes taken for granted for so long... its so selfish i still cant come to terms she could do this to me I look at myself now struggling to cope with Uni work after all the time ive spent dedicated to her during our time together that i neglected to study properly, it was stupid that i put her so high on my priorities and now i will pay for it. Its like trying to climb over a wall then realizing theres an even bigger one afterwards :/
depplover_1980 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) What is your name Tofu? Our local Chinese does the most delicious vegetarian range and they make tofu so god damn tasty. My best pal is a veggie, but I do eat meat but i'll take the tofu option anyday as it's so good... Anyway, back to your mindset. I am strongly sensing that you gave too much in your last relationship and that this girl dominated you, which would explain your sense of panic and sadness now she is gone. You allowed your happiness to depend on her and this is a mistake most make in their early relationships in life. All is not lost though, as you will hopefully learn from it and not do it again. So you need to start pulling some positives from the situation now with that being one (you've learnt something NOT to do in a relationship) and the second being you can study harder and hopefully achieve better grades. You need to somehow shift your mind onto other stuff and get busy - I sense you don't have enough on in your life at the moment? Do you have any hobbies or sports you've neglected? You into music? That gets me through some bad times. Stop thinking 'oh no there's another wall' and start thinking 'that is another wall i'm gonna smash, like all the others'. See getting over her as a potential achievement and positive experience under your belt. Don't make me come shake you. Edited February 22, 2011 by depplover_1980
Author Tofu Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 My Chinese name is Yu Hei but most people call me Gary. I agree tofu is just pure awesomeness especially when its used for chinese hotpot, its so gooood~ I can tell you eat the proper chinese food and not just simple oily takeaway people usually assume is what we asians always eat lol. For that you have my eternal respect! But yes its true, my happiness was dependent on her and in the same way she was dependent on me as well. It was an equal balance looking back at it now, i didnt really feel either of us was dominant cos we both always wanted to be with each other regardless if we were busy or not... even when we were out with mates, parties, working we still tried to keep in contact through text to see how each others doing. Its not until after xmas she changed and i realized this jackass shes going out with now was interfering with our relationship the whole time. Indeed you have said the exact same words my dad told me, take it as experience and use it to improve the next relationship you have. She was my 1st serious relationship and me to her as well, inexperience from both sides did play a major part to this sad end result but i have learnt my lesson and will be sure not to do it again. Heh you have keen senses Depp, I have ditched meeting mates and hobbies just to talk to her for awhile now and with this huge free time I have actually started working out again and was spending the weekend at mates to catchup after ive been MIA for so long. Music does the same for me too, its a miracle drug! Tho ive been careful to remove the ones me and my ex enjoyed together just incase (sad cos i like those songs too, oh well) Haha alright alright, but no shaking pleeeease! Its sinking in now tho and im defo more positive than i was last night. Reading your posts on here has put a big smile on my face too, thankyou so v much for that Depp Oh and incase you didnt see my post on your topic, congratz on finding your new found love! Im so v happy for you, wish you guys all the best
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