LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Discuss. :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Is this about Domination/Submission? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Is this about Domination/Submission? I don't get where you're going with that? All I'm saying is, if a woman dated a nice guy instead of a bad boy, maybe they would be happy? Link to post Share on other sites
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Do you mean choosing bad boys or choosing the wrong boys? Or choosing the wrong boys who are bad? lol. I agree with it all. I think that's a problem for either sex though, choosing badly. Why do people choose to put blinders on when they know signs are there that say someone isn't right for them? Either that or they don't know how to muster up the strength to walk away when they do realize it. And god forbid the "bad" makes them even more attracted to the bad boy (but they won't admit that, they just want to complain about it). Link to post Share on other sites
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I don't get where you're going with that? All I'm saying is, if a woman dated a nice guy instead of a bad boy, maybe they would be happy? I want a nice guy, but I've noticed more often than not that the nice boy's social skills or finesse is poor. For example, they don't pick up on cues as well. Yeah I'm generalizing my own experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I want a nice guy, but I've noticed more often than not that the nice boy's social skills or finesse is poor. For example, they don't pick up on cues as well. Yeah I'm generalizing my own experience. Some "nice guys" have Aspergers. It's been suspected that I have it, as well. Poor social skills or not, they'd make better boyfriends than a jerk who treats you poorly. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Instead of the right bad boys? The title is confusing. What would you have people discuss. I think there are plenty of "nice guys" I'd be unhappy with, though certianly, I don't want to be with anyone "bad" or "wrong" either. I tend to stick with "good guys," though that doesn't mean I'll never reject a good guy. Not every good guy is a good guy for me. The "nice guy" fallacy is a fallacy. Plenty of women date men who treat them well. Sure, plenty of men AND women are attracted, for strange reasons, to people who reject them, ignore them, mistreat them, cheat on them, etc, but it's not as though ALL women are dating those guys. In fact, the BEST women generally aren't. And nice men who can't get laid probably can't get laid for unrelated reasons. Plenty of nice men who are also attractive, confident, and so on get laid all the time. A nice man is getting laid somewhere right now. And so is a jerk. And there are both nice men and jerks out there wishing they were getting laid and failing. Though, I promise you only the nice, good men are able to sustain healthy, productive relationships. It takes two nice, good people to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 :rolleyes:Is this about Domination/Submission? Yes, wouldn't that be the other bad boy - obviously? Wait , never mind . I thought this thread was started as a joke. Nevermind it seem like a serious question,doh! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I don't get where you're going with that? All I'm saying is, if a woman dated a nice guy instead of a bad boy, maybe they would be happy? Oh, sorry, I thought you were wanting to discuss types of Bad boys. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Oh, sorry, I thought you were wanting to discuss types of Bad boys. LOL! All Bad Boys are, well, bad. It's only a blind girl who can't see that. Link to post Share on other sites
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Poor social skills or not, they'd make better boyfriends than a jerk who treats you poorly. I agree, but poor social skills come with their own issues that might make being in love with a bad boy worth it for some women. I do want to be with a good guy. To me a good guy is someone who will never intentionally hurt me to achieve something whether it be making a point or anything else. He would also give me a clean break if it ended. No games or lies. A good guy is also someone who treats others well. Even a stranger. Someone who has respect and compassion for others. Bad boys say abusive things to people, use people, make fun of people, cheat people. The list goes on. Thee are two different characters. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 All Bad Boys are, well, bad. It's only a blind girl who can't see that. What? That's black and white thinking. There are abusers, emotionally unavailable men, cheaters, pathological liars, addicts and alcoholics. Why, the list goes on and on. With domination there are all sorts of roles - the Daddy, the Teacher, the Master/slave. Also are you trying to not so subtly insult me? No wonder....nevermind. "Bad" is such a vague adjective, doncha think? Link to post Share on other sites
glimmer Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 :rolleyes: Yes, wouldn't that be the other bad boy - obviously? Wait , never mind . I thought this thread was started as a joke. Nevermind it seem like a serious question,doh! Yeah totally a joke. BUT, heck, a discussion of why on earth women choose bad boys might be helpful for some women! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 With domination there are all sorts of roles - the Daddy, the Teacher, the Master/slave. The cable guy and pool man are my favorite roles.. I'll do the Daddy role in a pinch but I'm a nice guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I wasn't trying to insult you specifically, blind otter. I was referring to all women here who seem to think that dating a bad boy/cheater is better than dating a nice guy. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a nice guy, and wuss, according to some posters here. I might as well just be happy with Rosy Palm as my date every night. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 The cable guy and pool man are my favorite roles.. but I'm a nice guy HAH! That's what you'd like them to believe. The child has mellowed you, sure, but I remember the old daze. *Whip crackz* Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 HAH! That's what you'd like them to believe. The child has mellowed you, sure, but I remember the old daze. *Whip crackz* hahahahaha Damn kids... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I wasn't trying to insult you specifically, blind otter. I was referring to all women here who seem to think that dating a bad boy/cheater is better than dating a nice guy. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a nice guy, and wuss, according to some posters here. I might as well just be happy with Rosy Palm as my date every night. You're right you don't really know anything. Just because I, for one, don't to date a " nice guy" does not in any way, shape and/or form signify that I want to date a " bad boy". I want to date a man that I can respect. That of which neither stands for doormat and/or jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It's hard to have a truly rational discussion of anything dealing with "nice guys" because everyone has a different defition of a "nice guy". When I think of a "nice guy" I think of a guy who's not selfish and self centered and who does things for people without needing repayment. You know...the kind of person who would give money to the homeless or stop to fix a flat tire or give a jump start. The kind of guy who would treat a woman to a date but not think that she owes anything. A real good Samaritan. Somehow the term "nice guy" has come to be synonymous with someone who can't get a date...weather their really nice or not. How does that make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 You're right you don't really know anything. Just because I, for one, don't to date a " nice guy" does not in any way, shape and/or form signify that I want to date a " bad boy". I want to date a man that I can respect. That of which neither stands for doormat and/or jerk. How do you always jump from doormat to nice? Isn't it possible for a guy to be nice without being a doormat or jerk? Respect. I want respect, too. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 How do you always jump from doormat to nice? Isn't it possible for a guy to be nice without being a doormat or jerk? Respect. I want respect, too. I had an enlightening conversation earlier today. Part of me became defensive when I was presented with the idea that I was generating the very situation that I was unhappy with - through my negative expectations of men. The issue with defining yourself as "nice" is that it is vague. What does nice mean? that's different to everyone. To me nice is nice, but it's not sexy. It's not exciting. "bad" isn't sexy or exciting, either. Astute, witty, attractive, strong, healthy, thoughtful - those are attractive adjectives. Do you understand what I'm saying? Why do you chose such a vague word to describe yourself? Do you have an established identity? Are you passionate about who you are? If you aren't, you can't expect anyone else to be! But, it is totally possible to become a way of being that will insight passion in women. Can you image what that way of being might look/feel like? Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It's hard to have a truly rational discussion of anything dealing with "nice guys" because everyone has a different defition of a "nice guy". When I think of a "nice guy" I think of a guy who's not selfish and self centered and who does things for people without needing repayment. You know...the kind of person who would give money to the homeless or stop to fix a flat tire or give a jump start. The kind of guy who would treat a woman to a date but not think that she owes anything. A real good Samaritan. Somehow the term "nice guy" has come to be synonymous with someone who can't get a date...weather their really nice or not. How does that make sense. You know I too would define a nice guy like you do. Unfortunately the term has gotten a lot of negative connotations over the years, so when someone complains about "nice guys" it's hard to tell what they're talking about. One thing to note about being nice all the time: I have a friend who perfectly represents a really nice guy. He gives money to homeless people, helps people who are in need etc. But he also gives rides to pretty much anyone who asks for one, mostly people from his mosque. Over the years he has given rides to some very sketchy people, and I could imagine some women being a little concerned about this type of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 How do you always jump from doormat to nice? Isn't it possible for a guy to be nice without being a doormat or jerk? Respect. I want respect, too. This: I had an enlightening conversation earlier today. Part of me became defensive when I was presented with the idea that I was generating the very situation that I was unhappy with - through my negative expectations of men. The issue with defining yourself as "nice" is that it is vague. What does nice mean? that's different to everyone. To me nice is nice, but it's not sexy. It's not exciting. "bad" isn't sexy or exciting, either. Astute, witty, attractive, strong, healthy, thoughtful - those are attractive adjectives. Do you understand what I'm saying? Why do you chose such a vague word to describe yourself? Do you have an established identity? Are you passionate about who you are? If you aren't, you can't expect anyone else to be! But, it is totally possible to become a way of being that will insight passion in women. Can you image what that way of being might look/feel like? Truthfully, " nice guys" are the very people I reject not because they're " nice", god forbid, but simply because I don't believe in them. There are good men and bad men ( not synonymous with " bad boys"). It's usually the bad men who thinks they're worthy of the " nice guy" title because they're terrible with getting dates. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Truthfully, " nice guys" are the very people I reject not because they're " nice", god forbid, but simply because I don't believe in them. There are good men and bad men ( not synonymous with " bad boys"). It's usually the bad men who thinks they're worthy of the " nice guy" title because they're terrible with getting dates. A good point. A guy who is not a player because he cannot be one will often call himself "nice." This is silly. A lack of success does not = niceness. Nor is an abundance of success suddenly meanness. I don't care if a man can sleep with/date/woo a lot of women or not, really, but someone who is attentive and faithful because of a lack of options is no better than someone who is not attentive and faithful, to me. I want a man who chooses to be good. Nor is someone who views the world as transactional truly "nice." A guy who thinks he should get something for being "nice" and has any desire not to be nice because he's unsuccessful isn't really "nice." Being a truly nice person means you are kind and good to others for the sake of being so, and success is irrelevant. (This does not mean tolerating abuse, of course. There's no "nice" or "not nice" in that; if someone is crappy to you, a nice person won't give them crap back, but they can certainly still separate from that situation with their integrity intact.) Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) It's usually the bad men who thinks they're worthy of the " nice guy" title because they're terrible with getting dates. Yeah. I know a few guys, my son's uncle (his dad's brother) has a whole posse of single guy friends. They hang out together most of the time, drinking a lot of beer and playing videogames. They don't really put themselves out there to be in a vulnerable position. I think they are afraid of being hurt. The thing is - if you don't risk anything, you can't win anything, because meeting someone that you really click with is a total gamble. But there is an alternative - like, I think there is a feeling of risk of losing something if you feel like love is a scarce commodity. Or sex, or attention, or foot massages, or whatever it is you are wanting to create more of in your life. If you change your outlook to one of abundance you start perceiving what it is you feel is abundant everywhere. It's just basic psychology. You look for what is on your mind. Put what you want to see on your mind, with positive emotions surrounding it for reinforcement, and you will reward yourself. It's self-fulfilling prophecy at work. make that stuff work for ya'll! Edited February 21, 2011 by blind_otter Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts