evalee Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I know this has been covered before but I just want to ask for myself. I was lovers with a man for 2 1/2 months -he'd JUST recently divorced. I really thought I was in control but I now realize I wasn't. We had constant contact through text , saw each other 5x /wk, etc-( I'm talking 500 texts in 1 month). We were having an amazing time - although granted - we never got out of the bedroom. I'm realizing now I shouldn't have slept with him right away- my first mistake. About 2 weeks ago he "dropped by" to visit me which I really don't like. I wasn't really all that receptive at first. That BTW, was the day his divorce was final. We had sex, then he left to go look at an apt- fine with me. I texted him and asked if I was seeing him that weekend. That was the !st time I'd done that- up until then it had been him-saying when am I gonna see you, I adore you,etc, etc. It was almost too much. After I texted him he replied back that he needed some time - which I should have left at that. Instead I called him and said that I assumed it was about me and him- (that of course was my insecurity speaking )( I was also very pms and weepy - though not to him). I also said that had he come over to talk and I was unreceptive, I was sorry. He texted me back saying that it wasnt about me, and that no he didn't want to talk- not the way he operates. I was kind of shocked as he had NEVER spoken to me that way. I texted back saying " the way you operate is yours and I make no judgement on that. I think you're an amazing man. Please atke as much time as you need" He texted me back saying he hadnt meant the previous e-mail to be so harsh. I laid back and didn't contact him. He called and came over 1 week later and said I had gotten "weird" on him and that he had to back off. I didn't argue and in fact handled the situation with dignity. He called about 1 week later and invited me over for a glass of wine and I accepted vowing to myself that I wouldn't sleep with him . I did and have been kicking myself since. I haven't contacted him in a week and don't plan to at least for a few weeks. I want to give it about 1 month and if he hasn't contacted me maybe contact him. I am so crazy about this guy I can't believe it , but I sooooo don't want to seem desperate. please help- I'm in a lot of pain.If I do contact him what would I say?
YellowShark Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 First of all hit the brakes and take a reality check. He's fresh out of a divorce and therefore don't become his rebound fling. If it's true love it'll all work out. Trust me. Slow down, he needs time to regroup. If you are too clingy he'll bail on you. Number two is don't lose yourself in all this. Remember who you are, and what your value is. Don't get steamrolled into a relationship that will compromise who you are. So in closing, don't be needy, clingy, or loose your identity in this. If it is meant to be, it will be. Take your time to build and nurture this relationship, don't dive in 110% immediately. Good luck.
Author evalee Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I know- I feel like I really screwed up by making that phone call to him. The truth is that I'm NOT a clingy person and was even thinking about telling him we should back off for a bit to give him time to re group, but somehow his text about taking time hit me in the gut. Thing is I didn't beg and I haven't been clingy. It was one of the things he really liked about me. If he doesn't contact me do you think I should give him a call asking how he is in about 3 weeks? I really want this man back- and I so want to "play my cards right" if you'll pardon the expression
YellowShark Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 A real man will move mountains to be with the woman he loves. Give him some space and let him contact you. Then you'll know he's ready and willing. Don't sell yourself short. You can't force him to want you, so ok, let him come to you. Hold the power in your court, don't throw yourself at him. If it is meant to be it shall be. You obviously want it, so cool... Let him prove to you he really wants it too. Play it cool, be confident, it's much more of a turn on than looking needy!
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