OWoman Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 A number of recent events have led me to reflect on the triumph of love over adversity, or even the triumph of love over circumstance. I have my own experience of this :love: as those familiar with my story will know, but this thread is for those - OWs, OMs and others - to reflect on those experiences from their own lives, or among those they know, of how love has triumphed despite the odds. (Let's see if we can keep this a happy, celebratory thread, with no bashing )
jj33 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 What a lovely thread OWoman. My love did not triumph as yours did ending in marriage, but after much tonig and froing over a number of years since the A ended, xMM and I are on wonderful terms and he has told me that not a day goes by that he doesnt think of me and that he still loves me. Its not a triumph in the same way a marriage is, but its a triumph over the heartbreak of circumstances keeping people apart and the bitter episodes that came in between and the idea that love can withstand all sorts of blows and still survive. Also someone I know had an affair with someone who was in an unhappy marriage and they married and I just went to their 2nd anniversary celebration. Like your H the H was in a very unhappy marriage, feeling stuck in a rut, and now everyone who knows him says they have never seen him happier and his children have even warmed to my friend. So love did prevail.
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 jj, can I ask, if it's okay? It's good you and your exMM are on better terms, but with him around, as a friend, does it affect you in the sense of finding someone else and allowing them to be close to you? And would he be supportive if you did meet someone else, not get jealous or feel hurt that you've moved on? Thanks, if you want to answer. OW, glad to hear you're happy and things are good in your life.
SoMovinOn Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I used to believe that love could conquer all, but I know now it cannot and does not. It's not love that triumphs, but people. When two people consciously decide to work together to do whatever they need to do, they will most often succeed. If they count on love to pull them through, they're doomed.
Author OWoman Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I used to believe that love could conquer all, but I know now it cannot and does not. It's not love that triumphs, but people. When two people consciously decide to work together to do whatever they need to do, they will most often succeed. If they count on love to pull them through, they're doomed. Ah - but I was referring specifically to those instances where those people were motivated by love! Love itself is nothing until it is instantiated in people.
woinlove Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I used to believe that love could conquer all, but I know now it cannot and does not. It's not love that triumphs, but people. When two people consciously decide to work together to do whatever they need to do, they will most often succeed. If they count on love to pull them through, they're doomed. Wise words! You are right, it is people. But I also know what OWoman is referring to, when you end up together with someone you love, despite some situation which made you think you wouldn't. Love can be an amazing motivator, as can compassion, faith, a dream,... In the end, it is people, but love can motivate them to conquer all.
woinlove Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Ah - but I was referring specifically to those instances where those people were motivated by love! Love itself is nothing until it is instantiated in people. I see our posts crossed, making the same conclusion.
Author OWoman Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Wise words! You are right, it is people. But I also know what OWoman is referring to, when you end up together with someone you love, despite some situation which made you think you wouldn't. Love can be an amazing motivator, as can compassion, faith, a dream,... In the end, it is people, but love can motivate them to conquer all. yes. Well put.
tami-chan Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Of course it is PEOPLE...are we being so literal? what is love if not experienced and shared by people? c'mon...
East7 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Regarding affairs (mine included) I think Love triumphs more in the movies than in th real world.
woinlove Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Of course it is PEOPLE...are we being so literal? what is love if not experienced and shared by people? c'mon... SMO, can correct me if I am wrong, but I think I know what he is talking about too. Some people can love deeply and yet never quite take the action that is needed to build the life together that they and their loved one desires. While love motivates some to do everything possible to bring them together with the one with love, love to others remains an emotion, a feeling. Perhaps a deep and even consuming feeling, but a feeling without the commitment and actions required to realize love's full potential. Edited February 20, 2011 by woinlove
SidLyon Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 A number of recent events have led me to reflect on the triumph of love over adversity, or even the triumph of love over circumstance. I have my own experience of this :love: as those familiar with my story will know, but this thread is for those - OWs, OMs and others - to reflect on those experiences from their own lives, or among those they know, of how love has triumphed despite the odds. (Let's see if we can keep this a happy, celebratory thread, with no bashing ) OWoman, you said "others" which I guess I am in the context of the OW/OM Forum, so I hope my comments are welcome too. As some will know we are nearly 2.5 years out from my discovery of my H's long term affair. We have always loved each other but after years together and the stresses of raising premature twins (who are now fine strapping teenagers) we had "grown apart" or were "taking each other for granted" to use some old clichés. D-day was a wake up call to us both to work out what we really wanted from life. I always believed that children need to know they are loved to thrive, and my mistake (and my H's too) was in thinking somehow that this doesn't apply to us all in life even when adult. We have undergone a massive shift in our relationship in the past 2 years, and I really believe it was against the odds. I can imagine it would be easy for a post-affair married couple to just try to re-establish the status quo and perhaps end up in an empty shell marriage, not a lot different to the way it was before the A, with all the risks inherent, that one or both partners might stray. Sometimes I read on these boards that APs get together and it often looks to me as though the man in particular (sorry to be so sexist here) is setting the couple up for something similar to what happened in his marriage. But the people who do best in my view are those that are conscious of what happened and deliberately take action to avoid that in the post-affair relationship (whether it be the continuation of the marriage or the establishment of the affair as a legitimate relationship). My H's parents went through something similar to us, whereby my FIL left my MIL to marry the OW. 10 years later they got back together and now, more than 20 years later they are still together and very happy.
findingnemo Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Great idea, OWoman! I know a number of couples whose love has triumphed, conquered all. As someone said, it takes two people to make the decision to take the step and against all odds, opt for love. It wasn't easy for any of them and ALL of them have told me how unsure they were from one day to another. Here is one couple's story: Jim married when he was 32. The woman he loved had left him and he had been introduced to Anna by some mutual friends. He liked her, in time he believed he loved her. A few years later they married. A couple of months before his wedding, he met Kate and fell head over heels in love. Kate and Jim had a love that felt, in Jim's words, almost spiritual. Jim's family loved Anna and were upset when he told them a few days before the wedding that he wanted to call it off. The pressure was too much. Jim succumbed thinking or believing that he was being foolish. At the altar, he hesitated for a long time before saying I do and got thoroughly drunk at his own wedding reception. It took 2 months of agonizing before he left Anna and moved in with Kate. Now, 9 years later, they are married and have a baby!!! Everybody is happy including his family! Everytime I meet them, I think how wonderful it is when people are together because of LOVE.
East7 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Some people can love deeply and yet never quite take the action that is needed to build the life together that they and their loved one desires. While love motivates some to do everything possible to bring them together with the one with love, love to others remains an emotion, a feeling. Perhaps a deep and even consuming feeling, but a feeling without the commitment and actions required to realize love's full potential. Totally agree! I recognize here my xMW kind of love.
wheelwright Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 A number of recent events have led me to reflect on the triumph of love over adversity, or even the triumph of love over circumstance. I have my own experience of this :love: as those familiar with my story will know, but this thread is for those - OWs, OMs and others - to reflect on those experiences from their own lives, or among those they know, of how love has triumphed despite the odds. (Let's see if we can keep this a happy, celebratory thread, with no bashing ) For a long time when love triumphed in my heart it felt like it was at the expense of others. I don't like the term triumph, as it implies a challenge or fight. I think this more fighty side of love goes on because of other things. Like you said - circumstances. For me love is not a victory, it exists in a separate paradigm to such things. Maybe I say that because I gambled in love and it looks like I lost. But as time moves on and my heart remains in the place where it was drawn (or meant to be?) I feel it less like a gamble I lost. More an experience at once painful and beautiful. More like I think love should be appreciated. If I were with my AP now, I would not feel it like a triumph. But I would bask in the love I would feel. Having the opportunity to live your life with that as a part is a state of grace, and vulnerable to circumstance (tsunamis, stupidity, death). Hope you don't mind I took my own meanings from your musings OW.
BeachBetty Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 When love triumphs, not else in the world matters... Because when there is love in your life, you have the courage to do everything your heart desires...
fooled once Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I'm an other the love I share with my H has triumphed for close to 13 years. We have been through step children/ step parenting hell and come out on top. being a step parent is nothing like being a biological parent and that is why 70% of 2nd marriages with children end in divorce. It was hard, it was tough and in the end, we are still standing together with a deep love and commitment than we ever expected or experienced in our first marriages to other people. My step daughter was just telling me today she has no idea how she would get through life without me in it and she is so grateful to have me in her life, in her corner and supporting her as I do (not financially, just emotionally). We went through hell and back many years ago and I told her I am glad (?) we did that because it brought us to a better place today and we appreciate our relationship so much more.
NoIDidn't Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 For a long time when love triumphed in my heart it felt like it was at the expense of others. I don't like the term triumph, as it implies a challenge or fight. I think this more fighty side of love goes on because of other things. Like you said - circumstances. For me love is not a victory, it exists in a separate paradigm to such things. Maybe I say that because I gambled in love and it looks like I lost. But as time moves on and my heart remains in the place where it was drawn (or meant to be?) I feel it less like a gamble I lost. More an experience at once painful and beautiful. More like I think love should be appreciated. If I were with my AP now, I would not feel it like a triumph. But I would bask in the love I would feel. Having the opportunity to live your life with that as a part is a state of grace, and vulnerable to circumstance (tsunamis, stupidity, death). Hope you don't mind I took my own meanings from your musings OW. I agree with this post, but I do understand the sentiment in the OP.
pureinheart Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 A number of recent events have led me to reflect on the triumph of love over adversity, or even the triumph of love over circumstance. I have my own experience of this :love: as those familiar with my story will know, but this thread is for those - OWs, OMs and others - to reflect on those experiences from their own lives, or among those they know, of how love has triumphed despite the odds. (Let's see if we can keep this a happy, celebratory thread, with no bashing ) Well, I think he and I fit into the bolded catagory. Even though we didn't end up together after his D, and him having "several bus accidents", we are still there for each other. We had a lot of "circumstance" that should have and would have torn most people apart for good, yet we are still friends, he calls me his best friend. We keep an eye on each other, I make sure I contact him when I wake up due to him having a lot of chest pains over the last 3 years (I know it's anxiety, but like to be sure), him being by himself living in bum F Egypt, I worry. At this stage in the game, I seriously doubt he'll be with anyone but me, although I am not sure what I want right now in life and feel stuck so...one day at a time:)
findingnemo Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I'm an other the love I share with my H has triumphed for close to 13 years. We have been through step children/ step parenting hell and come out on top. being a step parent is nothing like being a biological parent and that is why 70% of 2nd marriages with children end in divorce. It was hard, it was tough and in the end, we are still standing together with a deep love and commitment than we ever expected or experienced in our first marriages to other people. My step daughter was just telling me today she has no idea how she would get through life without me in it and she is so grateful to have me in her life, in her corner and supporting her as I do (not financially, just emotionally). We went through hell and back many years ago and I told her I am glad (?) we did that because it brought us to a better place today and we appreciate our relationship so much more. This is very encouraging. I love your post, fooledonce!!
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