Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I don't accept your premise that the "nice guys" are going after the wrong women (at least not the majority of nice guys). The problem is that they aren't getting enough practice with dating and/or relationships, so every woman they meet becomes their one chance at finally having a girlfriend, and that impatience and desperation is what is unattractive not their niceness. Guys with experience tend to be a little more patient with these types of things and also tend to have more success. Be honest did you read all of what I have written or did you just skim it. Because your talking about guys who don't get dates or who lack confidence. I am talking about guys who are nice, really actually nice. Like the pastor at your church nice. Not some guy who's got social phobia. What is going to be far more effective than simply going after girls that seem nice is for these guys to get involved in things that they like in ways that involve other people. And to simply give up trying to find a girlfriend. Of course giving up doesn't mean completely avoiding women, but rather not putting pressure on interactions with women. True... which is why I brought up going to church or volunteering at a soup kitchen or some such. The kind of nice guy I am speaking to here is somone who is self sacrificing. "Usually caring for others" or nice. These guys problem is that they go after women who react badly to men being nice. They see it as an act or "passive aggressive". Those women can't understand someone just being nice without having an ulterior motive. They need to find a woman who is also nice, because to a really nice woman, being nice will not come across as a negative.
mo mo Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 No, I never said - I did't know who we were talking about. I'm just talking about women who can be real sweethearts but are on full guard when they meet new men. They can be very sweet but they are also very delicate, so they don't show their best qualities to men for a long time.
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Mrlonelyone, you're not talking about nice guys, you're talking about guys who are candidates for sainthood. Guys like that don't have to worry about finding women, because they've already taken their vows...
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I'm just talking about women who can be real sweethearts but are on full guard when they meet new men. They can be very sweet but they are also very delicate, so they don't show their best qualities to men for a long time. So, I guess I do not know who you are talking about.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Mrlonelyone, you're not talking about nice guys, you're talking about guys who are candidates for sainthood. Guys like that don't have to worry about finding women, because they've already taken their vows... @Somedude. I'm not a candidate for sainthood. According to my E-Harmony personality profile one of the things it says about me is that I usually care for others. I am self sacrificing. (See the first post of the thread). I am no saint I'm just well...genuinely nice. But I am not a "nice guy" in the way it seems some people here talk about because I am not bitter. I can have meaningless sex whenever I want with any of a selection of hot young undergrads and co-ed's. I choose not to. I think what some of the people here confuse with being really actually nice is with being involuntarily celibate or not being able to get a date. @mo mo That's why you have to get to know someone. What I am saying to the "nice guys" on here is that they just need to not sweat a woman rejecting them in favor of a jerk. If a woman rejects a man and says he is nice or "too nice" it's prima facia evidence that she herself is not nice. A truly nice woman would not take a man's attentiveness, charity, or self sacrifice as a negative. A truly nice woman would see such a man and want to give unto him as he gives unto her.
mo mo Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 ok so what about the women that just seem unapproachable that don't go for the jerks, they just don't talk to many people at all?? That's more along the lines of what I was talking about.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 ok so what about the women that just seem unapproachable that don't go for the jerks, they just don't talk to many people at all?? That's more along the lines of what I was talking about. How the woman seems has nothing to do with it. The only way to know if a guy or girl is nice or a jerk is to date them a bit. If I nice guy meets a selfish woman... a selfish woman will see his being nice as a bad thing. Since selfish people never do anything without a payoff they can't relate to someone who's just nice and charitable. It's a fundamental personality conflict in the relationship. So if the woman breaks it off with said "nice guy". Instead of being bitter, or wanting to "become a jerk"... he just needs to shrug it off and find an equally nice girl. Let me give an example of what a nice girl would not say. "Nice guys are only nice in a passive agressive way because they think it means a woman owes them love and sex". If a woman thinks that. It's because she's not nice. She's merely projecting her way of thinking into the man...not reading his mind.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I think what some of the people here confuse with being really actually nice is with being involuntarily celibate or not being able to get a date. You're right. And I'd also like to say this - not everyone is 100% nice. Download music illegally? Not nice. Yell at your cat when it meows too much? Not nice. Skip class because you don't feel like going? Not nice. And so on. I accept that I'm not 100% nice. Nobody is, or else they would be, well, subhuman. To be human is to be flawed. However, I don't do things in order to impress girls or to get into their pants. A lot of nice things I do for male friends, and even though I've questioned whether I'm bi before, I'm not and never will be. So I'm not using niceness as an excuse for sex (to me, sex is saved for relationships, and 3 months after you get into one...not otherwise.) I just see a lot of women go after really crappy guys, and it makes me wonder. I remember one time I was dancing with this girl, salsa dancing, and I had only just met her. She got really close to me when dancing, and at the end, she kissed my cheek. So I thought, 'well, I stand a chance with her'...right? Anybody would think that. Then this muscle-bound jock comes over, and says he's been watching her all night and wanting to ask her out. She immediately left my company and went to his. And went home with him. For all I know, he might have been a serial killer (I found out later from her female friends that she was a bit of a tool, and that her roommates - she lived with 3 other girls - were having problems with her. So maybe your logic stands true.) It's just, I've developed a phobia of dating, simply because I don't think I'm good enough to date. And that was based on reactions that women have given me. One girl I was crushing on compared my looks to Harry Potter (this was before I switched glasses.) I dunno about you, but Harry isn't a sex symbol - and I wouldn't want to be compared to him, especially by a female crush. Maybe John Lennon, but not Harry. It just seems like I'm getting older, losing my looks, and I feel despondent, because I'm in the exact same place I've always been.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 It's not my logic. Eharmony's personality profile says that selfish people (not nice people) will react negatively to someone who spends their time and energy taking care of others. i.e. The woman who you met and danced with who you found out women also think is a tool... well she wasn't a nice girl. You got to not have a tool in your life... good for you.
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