sugarlumps Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I'm currently in an odd place with girls now. A little about me - I'm a senior in college at a big university. I've been very busy for my time here between swimming competitively and acting/directing in theater (and school work too, but that's not important). I have a lot of friends through these things and always have something to do and somewhere to go. I'm very happy with what I've accomplished in them and what I will continue to accomplish. That being said, I haven't been with any girl that I felt really attracted to...ever. I've had a few, but they all went after me. There was one girl whom I saw casually nearly all of last year, and while I grew to like her over time, I've gotta be honest and say that if I saw her in a bar or at a party, I probably wouldn't have cared to talk with her. Since we parted ways recently, I've really failed at growing balls and approaching new girls. I'm confident in myself as a person and know that I'm a funny and interesting guy, but it's so hard for me to start that conversation, especially in a bar (I'm fairly new to the bar scene, btw). Girls definitely like me, but they're usually the ones I don't care for. I'm in a play now and I can tell that a lot of the girls in the cast dig me...it's just that I'm not that into them. Acting is something I'm good at and really enjoy, so my funny and witty side really comes out during rehearsals. I just wish I could be in that element in a social scene. I've been feeling so confident in every other way, like recently I'll see a cute girl walking by and smile at her, and she'll blush and smile back. I always used to be too afraid to do that. I've also noticed that more girls have been initiating flirting like that as well. I just don't talk to anyone. So, what can I do to get over this? What can I say to a girl who I've been exchanging eye contact and smiles with? Back a few years ago, I actually took a lot of risks and approached a good number of girls cold. Back then I was a lot more awkward and insecure, and thus I came off pretty weird and borderline desperate, but at least I was able to do it. If I could just do that now, then it might actually work!
Jazzari Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Why can't you use your acting skills in a social scene? Create a role based on yourself, and make him someone who is confident and good with girls. Then go for it. Pretty soon, it won't be an act anymore.
Author sugarlumps Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Why can't you use your acting skills in a social scene? Create a role based on yourself, and make him someone who is confident and good with girls. Then go for it. Pretty soon, it won't be an act anymore. Good question. I've told myself to do this too, but it's hard to play a role of a guy that's good with girls when you don't know what's actually good with girls. I've played a lot of womanizer roles, but they're meant to be funny and over the top, not something that would work in real life.
Nexus One Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Why can't you use your acting skills in a social scene? Create a role based on yourself, and make him someone who is confident and good with girls. Then go for it. Pretty soon, it won't be an act anymore. I've heard of several people that actually did this. They just cut the rope one day and started 'acting' confidently, over time the act grew natural to them, so much that when they got up one day out of bed, they were that confident person themselves. As if their brain had been rewired.
Author sugarlumps Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I really should take this approach. What it boils down to, though, is I wouldn't know what to say in a realistic situation. I've done a lot of improv comedy, and sometimes scenes where I'm supposed to be a ladies man hitting on a woman somewhere. If you think about it, that's pretty much the same thing, because when you hit on a girl in a bar or some other place you've gotta improvise and know how to work the conversation. The difference is that with improv, it's meant to be funny and exxagerrated. For example... Earlier today there was a girl getting coffee in the dining hall. I went up to get some for myself. As I got it, she looked over and smiled at me. I smiled back, but then walked away, because I don't know what the f to say in a situation like that. If it was an improv scene, though, I probably would have said something cheesy like a sexual innuendo having to do with coffee or cream, all in an extremely smooth seductive voice. Or something really generic that sounds really out of place at the coffee area. Either way, it's funny watch, but it's not something that would work in real life.
Nexus One Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) because I don't know what the f to say in a situation like that. Example: Hi I'm Dave, what's your name? That's the most sincere opening line I know. If you have trouble with coming up with stuff to say after that opening, then you have to think about a few conversation topics right now, how to say certain things and have them ready for such situations. However the most spontaneous conversations are the best. Edited February 20, 2011 by Nexus One
Author sugarlumps Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Example: Hi I'm Dave, what's your name? That's the most sincere opening line I know. If you have trouble about coming up with stuff to say after that opening, then you have to think about a few conversation topics right now, how to say certain things and have them ready for such situations. However the most spontaneous conversations are the best. It's a good opening, but yeah, after that I might choke. You think trying to be funny about the whole situation of approaching would be a good idea? For example, joking around, when someone says something about themselves, like something they like to do, I'll sometimes say, "Wow, you like that too? We have so much in common," and then list a few more things that are pretty trivial and easy things to have in common. It's funny in the right situations, and it might get a laugh out of girls since it's usually an expression people use to describe interest in someone. I don't know, just spitballing here.
EasyHeart Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Earlier today there was a girl getting coffee in the dining hall. I went up to get some for myself. As I got it, she looked over and smiled at me. I smiled back, but then walked away, because I don't know what the f to say in a situation like that. If it was an improv scene, though, I probably would have said something cheesy like a sexual innuendo having to do with coffee or cream, all in an extremely smooth seductive voice. Or something really generic that sounds really out of place at the coffee area. Either way, it's funny watch, but it's not something that would work in real life.You don't need any cheesy lines or any specific technique. All you need to do is get her talking. For instance, in that situation I might have said, "Boy, I just can't get going in the morning without this stuff," or "I probably shouldn't have another cup of this stuff, but I admit it -- I'm addicted." If she walks away or looks at you like you're a lunatic, she's not interested. Drop it and let it go. Mostly likely she'll say, "Oh me too! I'm the same way." Now you've got her talking, so the hard part is over. Keep talking about your common connection. Always smile and always look in her eyes (even though you desperately want to stare at her spectacular rack. Those things are like freaking magnets for our eyes!) You: "I usually go to the coffee shop because the coffee there is a lot better. But this stuff isn't bad." Her: "No, I kinda like it. As long as it's got caffeine in it, I don't really care." You: "Ha ha, that's for sure". You've made a little small talk and she now knows you exist. Don't drag it out. Always keep it short. Your instinct will be telling you to do anything to stay in her presence, but your brain has got to over-ride your glands. This is the most common mistake guys make -- trying to talk too much. Now introduce yourself. You: What's your name? Her: I'm Kelly. You: Hi Kelly, I'm Dave. Do you live near here? Her: Yeah, I'm over in Smith Hall. You: Well, Kelly from Smith Hall, it was nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around the coffee pot again. Then you walk away. Don't linger, don't look back, just walk away. College is easy because you don't have to try to get a phone number or a date right away. There's a good chance you'll see her around campus, and now you can smile and say "Hi" whenever you see her. Don't try to talk to her the next time (or few times) you see her, just smile and say "Hi". This is important. You are now on her radar, but you don't want her to think you are desperate or that you hit on any woman that moves. You just want her noticing you. And wondering about you . . . If you get a chance (like in the dining hall) make a joke or comment to her ("Warning! Don't eat the peas!"). Don't worry about being smooth or clever, and don't do it too often. All you're trying to do is stay on her radar and show her that you're safe -- you're not desperate and you're not creepy and you're not a sleaze -- you're just Dave from the coffee pot, but you can do more than smile and say "Hi". After 2-3 weeks, look for a chance to talk to her. If you see her on campus, go and walk with her, or if she's in the dining hall finishing her dinner, go sit across from her. (Never, never ask for permission -- just do it). Then start talking to her like you would anyone else. "Hey Kelly from Smith Hall! I see you around all the time, but I really don't know anything about you. What year are you?" and then you do the usual BS small talk that you've done with every other person you've ever met in college. Look for connections -- mutual friends, common classes, etc. If things go well and she seems to like you, find out if she's going to some campus social event and say you'll look for her there. Or ask if she wants to meet you for coffee. If you make it that far and don't know what to do, start another thread and we'll help you out some more. At your age, all you need is some practice. Be prepared to fall on your face and look like a total idiot a few (hundred) times. It's okay. We all strike out. We all strike out a lot. But guess what? The world doesn't end, and after you practice a few (hundred) times, you'll start to figure out what works best for you.
Author sugarlumps Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Good post, Easyheart. I really should have done that kind of stuff earlier as opposed to now as I approach the end of school, but like I said, I did try it and I was really socially awkward back then. I'll see when the next opportunity arises. Most likely it'll be at a bar, since there's no good girls in my classes to meet (engineering = horrible choice), and interactions don't happen that often when I'm eating.
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