WTRanger Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Listen and listen good. The worst case would have been her saying, "Ew, you are a creep. You lack a spine and I doubt your dick even works. Leave me alone. I only talked to you because I felt compassion for you as a human being." That my friend, is worse case. She told you she's free after class, or she hinted to being available for you. Granted guys don't speak hintanese, that's a language girls invented. But you better damn well start learning to translate. So, ask her to do something. She only responded to you with an unsure answer because you asked her on an unsure question. "Do you want to do something, sometime, after some class, perhaps in the future." deserves an foggy response. Now that you know she's free, you can act like a man and say, "Would you like to grab some food/coffee/etc after class this week?" But you won't. I know you won't. But you'll add 27 more "Nice Guys don't get laid" threads. She asked if she was going to see you in a group setting, yet you take that as rejection. She knows where you are going to be, and asks if you are going to be there. She's aware of where you are in a group setting. That's at least a small positive sign. How dense are you as a human being? Oh wait, that's right. You are so smart that her asking if she is going to see you at a group meeting is considered rejection on whatever planet you are from. You don't see the point in talking to her? Good God you are daft! The worst case would her going, "Really? You're in the club too?" What, did you expect her to respond with a picture of her spread eagle and her saying, "Oh big boy, I want you in here ASAP!" Also, she's not supposed to ask you. You are! You are the guy. This is why you bitch and moan about being lonely. You fail time and time again to just ask the girl. You ask safe, non-committal questions and when the girl responds in kind. You draw some random conclusion and reject yourself. You choose to sit in the back and refuse to do any sort of work to ask the girl out. But you sure can bitch about how fickle women are. You'll sit and be neutral for months on end to a girl, then when she moves on because you've failed to do any sort of action, you sit and bitch bitch bitch. You clearly didn't make your intentions known with this girl. "I don't want your phone number, but can we be Facebook friends?" clearly doesn't tell a woman that you want to date her. Yes, when you ask you will get rejected. Yes, you may have streaks. Yes, sometimes you lower your standards just to have sex to give your confidence a boost. But it's not the end of the world. In college, you have to actively try to not meet girls or get laid. It literally is the easiest time in the world. You are choosing all of this. You are more afraid of rejection than being alone. This "Whoa is me" schtick is making me queezy and I'm on the internet. Imagine what it is doing to girls in your life.
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I haven't seen her in a week and I don't have her number so we were communicating over email. 'Can I have your mobile number. I'd like to ring you' If she's interested, she'll give it to you. Then, call her and ask her out to <whatever>. I suggested lunch. Whatever it is, be specific. If she's interested, she'll agree or suggest alternatives. If she's not interested, no loss. You're still the same great guy you were before you asked for her number, called her and asked her out. She'll just never get to know him. Life goes on. Since apparently she's not sufficiently interested, life is going on. Erase her.
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Man I am just confused. If she showed no interest in seeing me alone, why would she want to see me in a group setting? The way I see it, it means that she just wants to be friends, but doesn't want to risk being alone with me. I would love to hear another explanation. What, did you expect her to respond with a picture of her spread eagle Of course not. I wanted her to at least answer one of the questions I asked. "What time are you done on Wednesday. And lets meet up for coffee when you are done." Her answer of "I have one class then go straight home." doesn't address any of those. Trying to invite her again would only force her to say no and I don't want to do that to her. At least this way we are still on good terms. Yeah I should have gotten her phone number when I saw her last. I expected her to show up to the most recent club meeting and that's when I was planning on getting it. Yes I am afraid, of rejection, but that doesn't mean that I don't go out there and still try. 'Can I have your mobile number. I'd like to ring you' If she's interested, she'll give it to you. Then, call her and ask her out to <whatever>. I suggested lunch. Whatever it is, be specific. If she's interested, she'll agree or suggest alternatives.What are girls more likely to say yes to? Giving out their number or going on a casual date?
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Are there other young ladies at this club meeting? If so, a great opportunity to use what you learned from this interaction. This young lady gave you a gift; a gift of education. Use it.
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 One thing I just realized that if I did ask her out with a phone call, I wouldn't have gotten such a vague answer. Something for me to remember. And yes, there will be lots of girls at the meeting. There's a really cut Asian girl that I briefly talked to at the last meeting. Though I don't even know her name yet. I hope she shows up this week. lol I don't even know what to do if she does show.
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I don't even know what to do if she does show. Make small talk about whatever the club is and then: 'Can I have your mobile number? I'd like to ring you' I won't have to mention this again, will I?
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Is that ok when I've only briefly talked to her? Why would she give out her number to somebody she barely knows? Something tells me I'm in the process of completely changing my dating methodology.
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 When my dating fortunes changed, it was because I got to know women *while* I was dating them, rather than prior to asking them out. It's still a habit I have to cognitively fight off. If it's any solace to you, I've never had any dating or relationship success with a woman I got to know prior to asking her out. Complete fail. Anecdotes too numerous to mention. Weeks and months and years wasted. Try something else
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Thank you for the insight carhill. Now that I think about it, it seems like I'm trying to pre-screen women to see if they are girlfriend material before I try to date them. Obviously this method doesn't work because it only leads to me being rejected by the girls I've pre-approved. I wish I figured this out years ago. This is going to be hard to change. Edited February 21, 2011 by somedude81
carhill Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 If it's your natural style, you'll likely never change the *feelings*. You can, however, change the *actions*. What I found was, when I felt that impetus to 'get to know her better', I acted by 'asking her on a date'. That really was when things changed. Not to say there weren't rejections and disappointments; there were plenty. The clear health was in investing less into people who weren't investing in me. Since you (and me) are the initiators, the approachers, the 'hunters', we naturally invest more than those who have given little if any thought to our existence. Experience has shown that a more balanced assertion of that interest is healthy, hence, getting to know whilst dating. Obviously, there are exceptions and outlier anecdotes, and if I ever experience one, I'll happily report it here. Enjoy the meeting
Corinna Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Go do something fun and youthful. I avoid dinner and movie dates at all costs unless it's later in the game. Expensive quiet restaurant=Wine, and lots of it to get through the boring Q&A and then buy myself a $80 dinner? I know the rules, I have to offer to pay my way and insist upon it That's fine, but I don't want to spend that much on my dinner for a first date! LMAO. You know what I think is actually a good dating environment? The zoo. I hear you laughing, but hear me out on this from a guy's perspective. When you take a girl to a movie, the audience requires you to stfu, so you can't get to really know her then. You could put your arm around her, but that's cheesy and very cliche. Or you can try to kiss her, but public affection annoys other people. You can take her out to dinner, but then you're face to face in a kind of forced setting. You can talk, but again, you can't get into her physical personal zone(i.e. close to her) in such a situation, because generally you sit across each other. And again public affection like kissing is often not appreciated in restaurants. The coffee break seems like the best option, but first of all, I don't like coffee, it's bitter water. Second of all a coffee date is meant to be relatively short. But now the zoo. If you go to a big zoo, you'll have plenty of time to talk and get to know each other, you pass along the animals which also generate topics to talk about, you can get in her physical personal zone, by walking directly next to her instead of facing her from the front. So you could decide at some moment to spontaneously hold hands. In zoos there are calm areas where there aren't too many people, so you could kiss her there. Talking while walking next to each other is easier and more comfortable, the walking and the fresh air takes away some of the tension. And last but not least, monkeys tend to be funny, so with some luck you can have a good laugh together.
Questionis Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 You know what I think is actually a good dating environment? The zoo. The coffee break seems like the best option, but first of all, I don't like coffee, it's bitter water. Second of all a coffee date is meant to be relatively short. But now the zoo. If you go to a big zoo, you'll have plenty of time to talk and get to know each other, you pass along the animals which also generate topics to talk about, you can get in her physical personal zone, by walking directly next to her instead of facing her from the front. So you could decide at some moment to spontaneously hold hands. In zoos there are calm areas where there aren't too many people, so you could kiss her there. Talking while walking next to each other is easier and more comfortable, the walking and the fresh air takes away some of the tension. And last but not least, monkeys tend to be funny, so with some luck you can have a good laugh together. This is a good plan, work well in the summer especially. However for winter I will stick to my favourite fallback of the museum
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