Author Sharon1961 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 "But there are also a lot of scumbags who cause a boatload of pain for everyone involved. And those victims are the ones who come to a place like LS. Yup. And those are the stories we hear in the media and books because drama/conflict sells and entertains." I am not sure exactly what you mean by the above paragraph. Those people (whether they consider themselves victims or not-I don't know) are here because their stories are not out in the media. They are here because they want their pain and conflict expressed anonymously on the net-and get some perspective, hopefully from good-meaning people. Are you saying that those people should "quiet down"? that they should live their lives more "drama-free" ...what are you saying? When I said "media" I meant movies, television dramas, talk shows, newspapers etc. Adultery sells. I'm not sure what you mean by me thinking these people should quiet down. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. Just figure things out for myself and live my life more drama-free.
tami-chan Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 When I said "media" I meant movies, television dramas, talk shows, newspapers etc. Adultery sells. I'm not sure what you mean by me thinking these people should quiet down. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. So those people whose pain and suffering and bitterness are played out here on LS are like those whose lives are played out in the media, (and they are popular because they sell) right? and therefore....what? I guess, I am not sure if you were complaining about the stories, or feel that these people are not handling their situations well...?????? People who handle their lives without drama are a lot more quiet. Just figure things out for myself and live my life more drama-free. Ohhh, I get it...you believe you have handled your life better than these folks.
Author Sharon1961 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 So those people whose pain and suffering and bitterness are played out here on LS are like those whose lives are played out in the media, (and they are popular because they sell) right? and therefore....what? I guess, I am not sure if you were complaining about the stories, or feel that these people are not handling their situations well...?????? Ohhh, I get it...you believe you have handled your life better than these folks. Well, you got me all figured out. Guess I can go make dinner now. Have a good night!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 The only thing "clear" about this thread is that the OP has exactly zero understanding of what "objective" (or "objectively") means.
Spark1111 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 The only thing "clear" about this thread is that the OP has exactly zero understanding of what "objective" (or "objectively") means. The OP's bottom line: People treat us how we allow them to. If we allow them to treat us poorly, if we accept unacceptable behavior, something must be weak or broken within us to allow it. And that is pretty objective in my opinion. What are you reading?
Spark1111 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I agree. Calling people scumbags(because they cheated on their spouses) and such is unnecessary, although I understand the "need" for others to do so. I, too, have mixed feelings about marriage for the same reason as you-is it really realistic to promise "forever" to someone? I don't think so...but then again all great love stories have that "forever" element...so one hopes... I will go an extra mile and say it IS entirely possible that a person can sincerely make a commitment at one point to another and change his mind down the road. It has happened many, many times. It is something to strive for, no doubt. I just cannot stand it when the "betrayed" throws that "forever" stuff to the WS....painful and oh so deliberately naive... In a perfect world, yes. However, in most cases, people are more conflicted and are unsure-if they weren't they would be able to make quick, cut and dry decisions. But often, because they are decent and caring people the desire to "not hurt" and the desire to please one's self comes to a head that the lines of demarcation are blurred. I am not sure exactly what you mean by the above paragraph. Those people (whether they consider themselves victims or not-I don't know) are here because their stories are not out in the media. They are here because they want their pain and conflict expressed anonymously on the net-and get some perspective, hopefully from good-meaning people. Are you saying that those people should "quiet down"? that they should live their lives more "drama-free" ...what are you saying? About the bolded: Really? Call me naive then Tami. I was operating under the assumption that he and I would be faithful; that problems in the marriage would be communicated to each other and dealt with maturely before he had his affair. That's naive? Or is that being a grown up, one who owns their actions and has the conviction of their choices? Trying not to hurt me by having an affair? YOU are naive if you believe that romanticized drivel. Or, you have never been devastated by an affair, meaning, your spouse may have had an affair but because you did not love them sufficiently, it did not DEVASTATE you to your core. And yes, some affairs are filled with tons of emotional drama.
fooled once Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 For so long I felt I wasn't living up to my potential. Now I realize how true that is in a way I had not understood before. But since it is about us it is in our power to change things! It is very easy to point out how others treat us badly. The trick is to point out how we treat ourselves badly! Really good perspective!
tami-chan Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Call me naive then Tami. I was operating under the assumption that he and I would be faithful; thatproblems in the marriage would be communicated to each other and dealt with maturely before he had his affair. That assumption(the bolded part) is not unreasonable and not the part I am calling naive. I am calling the "promise of FOREVER" naive. Only because no one can know what the future will bring. Anyone who throws "but you promise you will love me FOREVER" to another person when that other person musters up the courage to say " I do not feel the same way about you anymore from the day we got married", is deliberately being naive. The rest of your noise does not matter, because obviously you misunderstood what I meant. Trying not to hurt me by having an affair? In a convoluted way, yes. You cannot argue with someone feelings. I am not arguing about right or wrong or logical or illogical. This is about what is. BUT if you believe that your H had an affair to hurt you, then by all means believe what you want. You are the only who knows why he would do such a thing. YOU are naive if you believe that romanticized drivel. Am I? Or, you have never been devastated by an affair, meaning, your spouse may have had an affair but because you did not love them sufficiently, it did not DEVASTATE you to your core.Oh I have-more than I care to admit-enough to turn my back on a family who loved me (still does, thank goodness). Enough to change who I am. But you know, that was so long ago, I only remember how devastating it was, but I do not remember how painful it was. It must have been since I ended up in the hospital and have sketchy memories of the events the led up to my hospital admission. But, yet again, far be it for me to equate my experience to yours...I am sure yours is(was?) more devastating.
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