somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I knew someone would ask that. She's 5'2" and weighs 115 pounds. This just goes to prove that no one is automatically guaranteed anything from anyone else. I bet there's a 5'2" 150 lb woman out there in the world thinking all of her dating woes would be solved if she could just lose 40 pounds, and it just doesn't work that way. Her standards are reasonable. She doesn't give off the "I'm unavailable" vibe. Of course somebody is going to ask about her height and weight. How a womans body is, is the number one determinant if a man would consider her attractive. So based on what you said about her, I have no idea why she's single. I'd certainly date her. I would've never jumped my SO's bones if he didn't have those qualities, and I was drawn to him because he was smart, had a great sense of humor, was able to talk to me about intellectual topics, and wasn't an arrogant pr-ck. But please, go ahead and tell everyone else what they find attractive. It's totally impossible that there are people out there who don't fit the preconceived stereotype in your head, right?What I'm trying to say is that those qualities are not enough. He's probably good looking, tall, out-going and other things as well. Making friends teaches you how to set up a rapport with people, interact with them, connect with them, and get them to open up to you. If you don't have those skills, you will have an extremely difficult time connecting with someone where there is romantic/sexual interest.Yeah, I already have those skills. What I don't have is experience in romantic/sexual interest situations. I'm the nice guy that's like a woman's brother who'd she never consider hooking up with. As I've said before, nice guys are "nice," because they don't know any other way to act. Well I don't know if you have any experience in this matter but I'll tell you a little story. Myself, I'm an inexperienced guy, 23 never had a girlfriend, kissed etc. I'm 5'11", I used to weigh 245 pounds, in other words I was very out of shape. A few years ago I lost weight and now weigh 175 pounds and am very much in shape, muscles six pack abs etc.. However, I have gotten less attention from girls now than I ever did when I was fat. Why? Because I have let a few bad experiences make me timid and unsure when it comes to talking to girls unless absolutely forced to. I have never had a girl throw herself at me, ever. And all of my friends, male and female have told me I'm a good looking guy. Trust me, it is passivity. OK, I see that you are talking about extreme passivity. Something tells me that if you put in a little effort you'd have no problems at all. Despite me being 5'6 with an average body and face, I still try. But because women just aren't physically attracted to me, my efforts are futile. If I had your body, I'd be flirting with everybody and I could get laid within the next month no problem. Cats are scared of rejection lol, why? The only times I've been unsuccessful in my approach is if the woman has a boyfriend/husband/ or she just broke up/ or if she's really insecure about me being a player. Besides that, I usually get the number and a date. It not that hard... That's because you haven't experienced constant rejection. If every time you touched a bunny you got shocked, you'd soon learn to fear bunnies.
sally4sara Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 The pattern that seems to happen is: Alpha Male - Raised to disrespect women and treat them as sex objects - Women are attracted to said disrespect and his narcissistic, cocky personality - Alpha male gets lots of dates Nice guy - Is raised with good morals and values - Treats women with kindness and acts like a total gentleman - Is sweet - Women react negatively to said traits, because they view niceness as passivity - Nice guy gets frustrated and begins to question why he's single - He wonders if he was raised with the wrong values? - He becomes increasingly bitter about it That is, in essence, what creates the bitterness in nice guys. Women create it. Not the guy themselves. You're confused. Alpha Male - Raised to be reliable and usually first to assume responsibility and handle a problem he or people he cares about are struggling with. - has become comfortable in his leadership skills - Women are attracted to their maturity and reliability and the air of confidence that come with knowing you can handle what comes your way. - Alpha male gets lots of dates Nice guy/beta - generally affable - able to mix well with others - team player always because he isn't comfortable with a lot of responsibility (might come to it later in life and be more alpha) - gets lots of dates - Usually goes through a period of serial monogamy because he is so easy to get along with that he welcomes and is welcomed by people he isn't very compatible with. Doormat/nice guy/gamma - Treats women with apprehension because she holds his worth in her hands - Is ass kissy - Women react negatively to said traits, because a guy approaching them with the "please please please find me worthy" demeanor is putting too much pressure on a practical stranger to assess his character RIGHT NOW. - gets frustrated and begins to blame women for why he is single - Sees his morals similar to wearing the wrong clothing for the situation he is in which means they are not morals at all - get few dates - He becomes increasingly bitter about it Jerk/delta - not just merely in it for himself but must also TAKE and INFLICT to feel better about himself - likes to pretend he is an alpha -doesn't want to earn what he gains - pretends other guys are suckers because he knows he doesn't measure up to alpha or beta - always single (even in the brief associations he has) because he never views the woman who hasn't figured out who he is yet as a partner while he is with her. - Thinks if he isn't always on the offensive, crass, and vulgar tip he will fade away into his mediocrity -targets the naive and damaged because he can't suffer rejection and they are less likely to reject him - doesn't stick around because he knows he will eventually be rejected
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 OK, I see that you are talking about extreme passivity. Something tells me that if you put in a little effort you'd have no problems at all. Despite me being 5'6 with an average body and face, I still try. But because women just aren't physically attracted to me, my efforts are futile. If I had your body, I'd be flirting with everybody and I could get laid within the next month no problem. You're probably right, but it's kind of like saying if you were 6'10" and 240 pounds you could be in the NBA, on paper it looks good but it doesn't always work out that way. Anyway, I've seen average looking guys get really good looking girls. And these aren't rich guys either. You can do it, really you can. I know it sounds hypocritical or whatever considering my predicament but I've always been better at giving advice than following advice.
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 If a woman is physically attracted to a guy, she'd give him more chances. That is just the way it is.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 You're confused. Alpha Male - Raised to be reliable and usually first to assume responsibility and handle a problem he or people he cares about are struggling with. - has become comfortable in his leadership skills - Women are attracted to their maturity and reliability and the air of confidence that come with knowing you can handle what comes your way. - Alpha male gets lots of dates Nice guy/beta - generally affable - able to mix well with others - team player always because he isn't comfortable with a lot of responsibility (might come to it later in life and be more alpha) - gets lots of dates - Usually goes through a period of serial monogamy because he is so easy to get along with that he welcomes and is welcomed by people he isn't very compatible with. Doormat/nice guy/gamma - Treats women with apprehension because she holds his worth in her hands - Is ass kissy - Women react negatively to said traits, because a guy approaching them with the "please please please find me worthy" demeanor is putting too much pressure on a practical stranger to assess his character RIGHT NOW. - gets frustrated and begins to blame women for why he is single - Sees his morals similar to wearing the wrong clothing for the situation he is in which means they are not morals at all - get few dates - He becomes increasingly bitter about it Jerk/delta - not just merely in it for himself but must also TAKE and INFLICT to feel better about himself - likes to pretend he is an alpha -doesn't want to earn what he gains - pretends other guys are suckers because he knows he doesn't measure up to alpha or beta - always single (even in the brief associations he has) because he never views the woman who hasn't figured out who he is yet as a partner while he is with her. - Thinks if he isn't always on the offensive, crass, and vulgar tip he will fade away into his mediocrity -targets the naive and damaged because he can't suffer rejection and they are less likely to reject him - doesn't stick around because he knows he will eventually be rejected I see no difference between the alpha male and the jerk. You're confused.
Jazzari Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I see no difference between the alpha male and the jerk. You're confused. A jerk is nothing but a wannabe Alpha. An alpha is confident and secure. He quietly exudes power. A jerk is insecure and tries to hide it by being brash and cocky. An alpha doesn't need to lie or cheat. He gets girls anyway. A jerk lies and cheats because that's the only way he can get them. An alpha can tease and is genuinely funny A jerk tries to be cool by making hurtful comments and thinks he's funny An alpha is not a doormat. He is respectful and polite until the situation calls for otherwise. He understands the strength of being classy. A jerk is not a doormat. But he is not respectful and polite as he thinks those traits are a sign of weakness. An alpha is not easy. But he's worth it and he's a keeper. A jerk is easy but soon gone.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) A jerk is nothing but a wannabe Alpha. An alpha is confident and secure. He quietly exudes power. A jerk is insecure and tries to hide it by being brash and cocky. An alpha doesn't need to lie or cheat. He gets girls anyway. A jerk lies and cheats because that's the only way he can get them. An alpha can tease and is genuinely funny A jerk tries to be cool by making hurtful comments and thinks he's funny An alpha is not a doormat. He is respectful and polite until the situation calls for otherwise. He understands the strength of being classy. A jerk is not a doormat. But he is not respectful and polite as he thinks those traits are a sign of weakness. An alpha is not easy. But he's worth it and he's a keeper. A jerk is easy but soon gone. Somehow, I think you knew I'd come and bless this post of yours with my personal opinion. Starting to believe that women tell themselves all these negative things about a ladies man, just to make themselves feel better about why things didn't work out with said ladies man. Truthfully, some of these women are actually attracted to/have been attracted to the ladies man, but since it didn't work out in their favor, they're now bitter towards those kind of men. To be honest, I know some guys who are straight up players. And they're awesome guys. They have none of the negative labels you've tied to a guy who sees a lot of success with women. So why keep pushing these stereotypes? Same goes for all these, nice guy, beta male, alpha male, player, jerk, etc.. labels. Why label things? There is no fine line, and none of the descriptions are written in stone. A person will see a man who's successful with women, and automatically tie these negative labels to him - to make themselves feel better about why that man is so successful with women, or why that successful womanizing man isn't with you (if you're a woman). These negative labels only stem from a person's self-esteem, and lack thereof. Yeah, there's some real *******s out there. But how many of us know people who will actually put up with that? And I mean, really put up with a 100% *******? I don't know many, infact, I don't know any at all. But the guys who score lots of women? They're successful in it because there's something they're doing for that woman, and the woman likes it. Truth is, that "jerk" womanizer is probably making the woman feel good about herself. **** it, who cares? She's an adult. She can make decisions on her own, and I'm sure she probably has decent judgement. If everyone would stop worrying about what other people got going on and work on fixing their own issues, these negative labels wouldn't even exist. In urban America, we call it "hate". And you guys sound like some major haters right now. Instead of belittling a guy who actually sees success with women, you should probably acknowledge that hey, he's got it going on. He knows how to talk to women, he knows how to make them feel good, he's got charisma, some swag, and he probably gets her off a good amount. Cause in reality, that's why the woman is with him or having sex with him. It's not cause she's an insecure wreck or a whore, it's cause she likes the way he makes her feel and the things he does for her. Now, it's possible he is an *******. And it's possible she is a whore. But what's the point in assuming what you don't know? All it does it make you look bitter as ****. And self-loathing as hell. You've got proof and fact right there infront of your face, you see the women with this guy, obviously he's doing some right and good for these women. Nobody would truly be around such a terrible person. So what if the guy is cheating on his gf? Yeah it's pretty messed up, but it doesn't make him this piece of trash on the side walk with bits of canine fecal matter on it. Yeah, maybe it does to some people, but you know why? Cause those people are bitter from personal experiences and their own self-esteem issues. I sometimes cheat on the women I'm dating, hell, it's not really cheating to me, but that's besides the point. If you didn't know that bit about me, in person, you'd probably think I'm a cool laid back guy who's fun to be around. If someone's outlook on dating differs from yours, it doesn't make them less of a person. And upon finding that out, you shouldn't label them or judge them. I'll admit, I'm guilty of labeling sexually loose women, and guilty again - it's because of my personal experiences. But ****, at least be able to acknowledge your weak points and work on them - as I am doing. And for Christ's sake, don't sit your own personal problems on somebody else and pass it off as if they're some kind of horrible person who's less than a normal one. Get real lol. My point? If somebody has it going on and it's working for them - acknowledge it or at least try to learn from it, don't be a hater lol... And last but not least, take the time to realize that we ARE ALL HERE because of some form of issue, be it small or large, in the dating world. I'm here not because of my lack of success with women, but because of my lack of forgiveness for them. Which I can honestly say, I'm working on. What's your problem? (Rhetorical, just ask yourself). What can YOU do to FIX it? Hint - blaming and belittling others is not part of the solution. My two cents - take it or give it back, it's a recession out here :lmao: Edit - I'm not targetting you Jazzy Girl, but your post was quoted because it's an excellent example. <3 Edited February 20, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
P&R Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Is every single dateless guy too passive? Let's say I looked like Brad Pitt. Would I have trouble getting women, if I had the same personality/passivity? Do you actually ASK women for a date?? I highly doubt you do if you've never had a date at the age of 28. My girlfriend would let anybody date her who asked.... while she'd get rid of them after 1 date if she wasn't interested she still go on a date with them. My sister did the same thing. There are a ton of women who would be more than willing to at least go on one date with you. The problem lies with you not with other women.
lenny Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Another thing that these kind of women have in common, they have no expectations, they go with the flow, and if the date works out, then so be it , if not, then oh well. They don't stress out about it, they aren't drama queens. And it's refreshing to come across a simple and easy to satisfy woman. Or they've been burnt so bad in the past they have no expectations. They don't stress out about things because their numb.
sally4sara Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I see no difference between the alpha male and the jerk. You're confused. And you know this better then I because of all the men you've dated yes?
zengirl Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I see no difference between the alpha male and the jerk. You're confused. Sally4Sara described two different types. The "Alpha Man" type she described I actually wouldn't call an Alpha perse (that word has negative connoations to me; perhaps he's the Omega Man ), but it's a very different type from jerk. Read it again: Alpha Male - Raised to be reliable and usually first to assume responsibility and handle a problem he or people he cares about are struggling with. - has become comfortable in his leadership skills - Women are attracted to their maturity and reliability and the air of confidence that come with knowing you can handle what comes your way. - Alpha male gets lots of dates This guy is reliable. He handles problems. He cares about people. He is mature. He is confident. He is successful. There is no way in this description in which he is a jerk. He has success and confidence and some empowerment, but he uses it all for good. That doesn't mean he never hurts anyone --- even good people hurt others accidentally, particularly in dating --- but he tries not to and he tries to do the right thing and assume responsibility. How on Earth is he a jerk? Compare this to what she wrote about the jerk: Jerk/delta - not just merely in it for himself but must also TAKE and INFLICT to feel better about himself - likes to pretend he is an alpha -doesn't want to earn what he gains - pretends other guys are suckers because he knows he doesn't measure up to alpha or beta - always single (even in the brief associations he has) because he never views the woman who hasn't figured out who he is yet as a partner while he is with her. - Thinks if he isn't always on the offensive, crass, and vulgar tip he will fade away into his mediocrity -targets the naive and damaged because he can't suffer rejection and they are less likely to reject him - doesn't stick around because he knows he will eventually be rejected That's a totally different thing. I agree with what Sally says about the truly nice guy (or "beta" as she calls it---not the doormat guy) in that he often has long serially monogamous periods and still has success, due to his social affability and warmth. Doormats and jerks cannot measure up.
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