irc333 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Something I've noticed about women who appreciate nice guys. They haven't been burned (and probably are intelligent enough to spot the jerks). That they don't ask for too much when seeking a mate. Some of the women that when I asked them what they're looking for in a guy, they sometimes don't really have any "type" of man they're looking for, as long as he's nice and respectful (or any adjectives that are the attributes of a nice guy). Another thing that these kind of women have in common, they have no expectations, they go with the flow, and if the date works out, then so be it , if not, then oh well. They don't stress out about it, they aren't drama queens. And it's refreshing to come across a simple and easy to satisfy woman. Some women will admit they went out with a guy, simply because "He's nice", nothing more....you sit there waiting for more to the description, but that's it. IT's almost kind of shocking to come across a woman like this....they hardly ever been burned, or know when to spot a jerk. So, ignorance is bliss then?
Woggle Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Either that or they have their head screwed on straight. Emotionally healthy people might get burned once but people of either gender who have it happen over and over again have a few screws loose or they are addicted to it. My wife was engaged to a man once that cheated on her and she dumped him and moved on with her life. She didn't spend the time after that being an emotional wreck and making every man pay for the actions of one. She knows what a good relationship and she waited for one.
Intricategirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I don't know. I'd like to believe that you're describing someone like me. The main things I look for in a guy are that he's respectful, honest, and treats people with dignity. I don't really have a type per se. I know I'm not the right fit for everyone, but they also might not be the right fit for me, and good luck to them. And I can sit and tell you the flaws of each guy I've dated, but I'm actually proud of the fact that I am still friends with most of the guys I've dated for any length of time. I think it means that we can enjoy the parts of our relationship that worked, and dump the parts that didn't. That being said, I've been burned. And I wouldn't say I'm ignorant. I'm hopeful that somewhere, there's a guy that's absolutely perfect for me. I'm grateful to the guys that have burned me (yes, even the guys that I'm still friends with) because it helped me refine what I'm looking for and what I'm not. I don't know that it's necessarily ignorance in every case. Sometimes it's just the ability to forgive.
SmileFace Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I don't agree - I see myself as the girl you explained. However, I have been burned but don't let past occurances effect my future out look . So ,I apply that to dating. However, I am very guarded - so that is my downfall . That is just a general comment to your original posting but your post made me really think. I will be back with better responce - once I think over it a little. Haha, thanks - I really like this post.
Cee Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I don't know how it's possible to be in a relationship with anyone other than a nice guy. It's impossible to be relational with an unavailable person. I have blinded myself at times, but the truth always came out. I guess I don't have patience for drama and games when what I want is a mature relationship. In all my years, I've only had one sick LTR. I don't really know why I picked him, but I guess I wanted to self destruct. Lucky for me I got my senses back and got help for my problems. I'm grateful for that experience because it taught me to take care of myself and not use a man to medicate my pain. My current SO is a nice guy & I confess that I'm very glad that other women passed him by. Because I adore him and glad he's mine.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 It's not ignorance, it's naivete. Inexperienced daters tend to fall for the " nice guy" act. And yes, it is an act.
Jazzari Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 You're going to have to define "nice guy" because I think people define it differently. I don't date spineless saps. I date men with confidence and self esteem. They are not doormats but they are polite and respectful unless given a reason to be otherwise. They aren't easy, but they don't lie or cheat either. The men I date are not jerks by any stretch. But I don't think they fit the stereotypical "nice guy" label either. So what do you call those men?
Jannah Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) "Nice" does not equal "good". Anyone can be "nice" on the surface.... Edited February 20, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SmileFace Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) "Nice" does not equal "good". Anyone can be "nice" on the surface.... I agree . I hate when people say things like " I only date nice guys" - who isn't nice in the beginning? Edited February 20, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
MrNate Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 You're going to have to define "nice guy" because I think people define it differently. I don't date spineless saps. I date men with confidence and self esteem. They are not doormats but they are polite and respectful unless given a reason to be otherwise. They aren't easy, but they don't lie or cheat either. The men I date are not jerks by any stretch. But I don't think they fit the stereotypical "nice guy" label either. So what do you call those men? Balanced. Sounds like me:cool: I think they simply know where to draw the line between being nice/respectful, and tough/adventurous. The funny thing is that I think most guys are like that on the inside, but for one reason or another, won't be honest with themselves. And choose to make things out as being either a nice guy or a jerk. Meh.
Content Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) Ive met no mentally healthy women who wants jerks or bad boys,allot of times they may end up with one who didnt show his true colors till later on,or like men women can be driven by their hormones and put up with bs from a hot looking partner Aside from some poor urban areas where being a thug or criminal is considered sexy this jerk/badboy thing is way overblown Edited February 19, 2011 by Content
runner Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 You're going to have to define "nice guy" because I think people define it differently. I don't date spineless saps. I date men with confidence and self esteem. They are not doormats but they are polite and respectful unless given a reason to be otherwise. They aren't easy, but they don't lie or cheat either. The men I date are not jerks by any stretch. But I don't think they fit the stereotypical "nice guy" label either. So what do you call those men? men. simple as that. deficiencies in respectful demeanour, wisdom or self-esteem fall into the immature "boy" or "man-boy" categories.
Analeigh Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) I've been burned, more than once. I've been cheated on, played, and even when I was 18, even in a borderline abusive relationship. I like nice guys - good guys - respectful guys. I do NOT like "nice guys". The difference is that the "nice guy", aka the stereotypical nice guy, is usually a pushover. He doesn't stand up for himself or what he wants. He usually gets walked all over because he just sits back and lets life happen to him. In my experience, these guys just build up resentment and hostility over the years. They become passive aggressive and eventually they almost always lash out. I've dated two guys like this - and they were sooooo nice to your face, nice to everyone else, rarely dated anyone because they were "too nice". They turned out to be passive aggressive losers who resented the world! I see it here on LS too. The pushover "nice guys" who just complain about how they aren't good enough to get girls, or they are too nice and girls only like bad boys. They are bitter inside, no matter how nice they may seem. Edited February 20, 2011 by Analeigh typo
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I've been burned, more than once. I've been cheated on, played, and even when I was 18, even in a borderline abusive relationship. I like nice guys - good guys - respectful guys. I do NOT like "nice guys". The difference is that the "nice guy", aka the stereotypical nice guy, is usually a pushover. He doesn't stand up for himself or what he wants. He usually gets walked all over because he just sits back and lets life happen to him. In my experience, these guys just build up resentment and hostility over the years. They become passive aggressive and eventually they almost always lash out. I've dated two guys like this - and they were sooooo nice to your face, nice to everyone else, rarely dated anyone because they were "too nice". They turned out to be passive aggressive losers who resented the world! I see it here on LS too. The pushover "nice guys" who just complain about how they aren't good enough to get girls, or they are too nice and girls only like bad boys. They are bitter inside, no matter how nice they may seem. So the question is, how do these "nice guys" get better with women? How do they get over their insecurities? I know therapy would be recommended, but anything else?
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Women appreciate nice guys? Since when? Through no real fault of her own, women ignore nice guys. He just barely exists and she would never consider dating him. Nice guys don't excite her, because they don't know how to. The primary definition of a nice guy is somebody who is afraid to take risks to get what he wants. He tries to maintain harmony and doesn't want to risk losing the little female attention he gets. I don't blame women, for it's not their fault. If any one/thing is responsible it's God/nature for not giving me the traits I needed to be successful and for not even giving me the opportunities to learn and grow. Edited February 20, 2011 by somedude81
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Women appreciate nice guys? Since when? Through no real fault of her own, women ignore nice guys. He just barely exists and she would never consider dating him. Nice guys don't excite her, because they don't know how to. The primary definition of a nice guy is somebody who is afraid to take risks to get what he wants. He tries to maintain harmony and doesn't want to risk losing the little female attention he gets. I don't blame women, for it's not their fault. If any one/thing is responsible it's God/nature for not giving me the traits I needed to be successful and for not even giving me the opportunities to learn and grow. Bingo. Women don't want beta males, they want alpha ones.
MrNate Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 So the question is, how do these "nice guys" get better with women? How do they get over their insecurities? I know therapy would be recommended, but anything else? Trying what works. Read forums, articles (NON pua mind you, so you can learn things the right way) Don't be afraid to try something different. Yes it's going to feel uncomfortable, but a very wealthy man once told me, to get comfortable, you first have to get uncomfortable. Just keep stepping forward man, and as long as you remain humble and willing to learn, you'll definitely find the answers.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Women don't know what they want, so stop worrying about what they want and get on with what YOU want. That's where happiness comes in. You want to smash bar sluts? Go for it my dude. You want 3-5 on your team? Go for it. You want that one girl who makes you happy? Go for it, but be prepared for some hurt. All this worrying about what women want, ask a woman what women like. She won't even be able to tell you. Women are very fickle. No sense in trying to make them happy all the time, some can't even do that for themselves. That's why I laugh at women who define a man as a guy who fills her void. Lmao, is that man's job? Consider me unemployed. It's not MY job to make some woman happy. She has to do that for herself. That's the issue with alot of women today anyways, they confuse a good man with a doormat. A doormat is going to fill those voids you have in your overall demeanor. It's not my responsibility to help you be a responsible and self-sufficient person. Some women just want a guy to carry their miserable baggage. If a guy chooses not to, he's an *******/jerk/douche/player/insert any other famous negative label for CONFIDENT and self respecting men. This one chick got mad at me for not answering her 50090909 phone calls when she was stuck drunk at a pizza bar, and needed someone to come get her. You can miss me with that. "I want someone I can count on". Yeah? Well I want a million dollars. You want a perfect example of these kind of women? Take a look at that rape thread. The OP wants to know what to do with a young woman who's apparently been raped twice? (not sure if it's once or twice). Yeah here's what you do, you move onto the next one pal. Look @ the female poster responses to that solution. They hate it. Cause if a guy isn't carrying their baggage, than obviously he must not be a chivalrous guy right? Lmao. I can be sensitive and attentive to a woman's needs all day, so can most men. What some CANNOT do, myself included, is find room for HER problems, when I've already got enough of my own. Neeeeeeeeeexxxxt. So going back to the original idea of this thread. Don't be a nice guy. Be a self-sufficient man. And you continue to be that single man until you find a woman who is just as self-sufficient, and not a needy emotional miserable baggage ridden wreck. The trick is distinguishing between the two, because women are born with oscar nominee acting prowess. My two cents, hold onto them, or toss em - I don't really care.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Not even responding to Ay. What a sick person. Trying what works. Read forums, articles (NON pua mind you, so you can learn things the right way) Don't be afraid to try something different. Yes it's going to feel uncomfortable, but a very wealthy man once told me, to get comfortable, you first have to get uncomfortable. Just keep stepping forward man, and as long as you remain humble and willing to learn, you'll definitely find the answers. Yeah, I suppose. The thing is, I don't want to change the inner me. The person who's romantic, sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, creative, all of those things. I don't want to learn a sport (I hate sports), I don't want to stop reading (love books), I don't want to abandon my quietness for a more loud personality (noise bothers me.) Etc. My dream girl would be somewhere halfway in between an athlete and a bookworm geek, who appreciates music, loves animals, and wants to share my interests instead of trying to change me to fit hers. I don't want the type of woman that Ay goes after; he probably chases the high maintenance girls. That's not who I want, I want someone who's an equal. Unfortunately, most women appreciate Ay's type instead of MY type. I don't see why he has to crap in every single thread about nice guys; this thread was not created for him. I obviously want a woman who appreciates me and not him, but he has problems. Edited February 20, 2011 by LeaningIntoTheMuse
Intricategirl Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Not even responding to Ay. What a sick person. Yeah, I suppose. The thing is, I don't want to change the inner me. The person who's romantic, sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, creative, all of those things. I don't want to learn a sport (I hate sports), I don't want to stop reading (love books), I don't want to abandon my quietness for a more loud personality (noise bothers me.) Etc. My dream girl would be somewhere halfway in between an athlete and a bookworm geek, who appreciates music, loves animals, and wants to share my interests instead of trying to change me to fit hers. I don't want the type of woman that Ay goes after; he probably chases the high maintenance girls. That's not who I want, I want someone who's an equal. Unfortunately, most women appreciate Ay's type instead of MY type. I don't see why he has to crap in every single thread about nice guys; this thread was not created for him. I obviously want a woman who appreciates me and not him, but he has problems. I'm gonna say this as nicely as possible, but I personally think you do too. Don't be hung up on what he's doing. Don't obsess over what other guys are doing that gets them a girl. Don't assume that I want a certain type of guy. Don't sit there while you're on a date with me, and bring all the baggage of how many times you've been rejected in the past- doing it so much that you don't have any fun when you DO go out. Don't tell me you're a nice guy. Show me. I've met quite a few guys that assure me what a nice guy they are. And they really believe it. But they don't prove it. On the flipside, I've met guys that hold the outward appearance of being badboys, and they have treated me kindly, decently, respectfully, honestly, and with dignity. Final thought: a genuinely nice guy doesn't need to tell me what I'm looking for. He lets me make up my own mind.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I'm gonna say this as nicely as possible, but I personally think you do too. Don't be hung up on what he's doing. Don't obsess over what other guys are doing that gets them a girl. Don't assume that I want a certain type of guy. Don't sit there while you're on a date with me, and bring all the baggage of how many times you've been rejected in the past- doing it so much that you don't have any fun when you DO go out. Don't tell me you're a nice guy. Show me. I've met quite a few guys that assure me what a nice guy they are. And they really believe it. But they don't prove it. On the flipside, I've met guys that hold the outward appearance of being badboys, and they have treated me kindly, decently, respectfully, honestly, and with dignity. Final thought: a genuinely nice guy doesn't need to tell me what I'm looking for. He lets me make up my own mind. I've never even been on a date, so that's a lot to keep in mind. But thanks!
sweetjasmine Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 The thing is, I don't want to change the inner me. The person who's romantic, sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, creative, all of those things. I don't want to learn a sport (I hate sports), I don't want to stop reading (love books), I don't want to abandon my quietness for a more loud personality (noise bothers me.) Etc. You don't have to change any of those things. My SO is a lot like you, but he's not quiet. I've been strongly attracted to (and dated) men who are quiet, though. They all had one thing in common: a strong sense of self. And that's not the same as arrogance or cockiness. My dream girl would be somewhere halfway in between an athlete and a bookworm geek, who appreciates music, loves animals, and wants to share my interests instead of trying to change me to fit hers. Sounds like half my friends and me. We're out there. Keep looking. I don't want the type of woman that Ay goes after; he probably chases the high maintenance girls. That's not who I want, I want someone who's an equal. Unfortunately, most women appreciate Ay's type instead of MY type. I don't see why he has to crap in every single thread about nice guys; this thread was not created for him. I obviously want a woman who appreciates me and not him, but he has problems. I don't buy that most women appreciate his type. Quite frankly, I find a lot of what he writes absolutely revolting. I think any woman who wants an honest, healthy relationship with a man as an equal would be turned off by his attitude. If that's what you're looking for in a partner, there's no need to pay any attention to what he says and what he's doing. He's after something different and he's going to get something different. I recommend the ignore button.
Intricategirl Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I've never even been on a date, so that's a lot to keep in mind. But thanks! So go to a library or groovy old bookstore, find a cute chick, and start talking to her. DON'T ask her out. Just talk to her. The goal isn't to ask her out, it's to talk to her. Do it enough times, and you'll figure out it's really not that big a deal. Learn the small talk, 'cause dates are pretty full of small talk. Good luck, man.
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I'm gonna say this as nicely as possible, but I personally think you do too. Don't be hung up on what he's doing. Don't obsess over what other guys are doing that gets them a girl. Don't assume that I want a certain type of guy. Don't sit there while you're on a date with me, Stopped reading right there. Guys like us don't even get dates. I also doubt he's telling girls in person about his problems. That's just stupid. Final thought: a genuinely nice guy doesn't need to tell me what I'm looking for. He lets me make up my own mind. And you pass right over him...
Intricategirl Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Stopped reading right there. Guys like us don't even get dates. I also doubt he's telling girls in person about his problems. That's just stupid. And you pass right over him... Wow. You don't know me and you just called me stupid. Yep, nice guy.
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