zengirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Question about communication. Someone says, "As long as you're ready to go by 4, that'll be fine." This means: (a) We're leaving at 4. It is like an appointment time. (b) 4 is the absolute latest we're leaving, but we may leave beforehand and so 4 is like the "deadline." Just curious on which would be more likely to pop into your mind. Mild argument with the sweetie, because I thought (a) but apparently it was (b). Is my brain just wired weird, or is this confusing for others as well? (I'm not mad at him about it or going to persist in arguing---I just wanted some random perspective.) Thanks!
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I vote A "As long as you're ready to go by 4" Means, "we're leaving at 4"
daphne Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I read A. Otherwise, wouldn't he have said "at the latest"?
Imajerk17 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Question about communication. Someone says, "As long as you're ready to go by 4, that'll be fine." This means: (a) We're leaving at 4. It is like an appointment time. (b) 4 is the absolute latest we're leaving, but we may leave beforehand and so 4 is like the "deadline." Just curious on which would be more likely to pop into your mind. Mild argument with the sweetie, because I thought (a) but apparently it was (b). Is my brain just wired weird, or is this confusing for others as well? (I'm not mad at him about it or going to persist in arguing---I just wanted some random perspective.) Thanks! Well, my answer is (a), but it's even more than that: If you're ready to go at 3:59:59, that's fine. The math geek in me says though: If you're ready to go at 4:08, you still might be fine because he didn't say what happens after 4, so 4 might not be the appointment time--the appointment time is 4 or later though. (He didn't say what happens after 4, but it is sort of understood for most people that it means you're leaving at 4.) It's definitely NOT (b) though.
PerpetualMotion Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 English is not my first language, but I agree with daphne. Most of my fellow countrymen would interpret that as "start getting ready at 4 and leave at 4.30", at best.
MrNate Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm gonna have to go with B. The time mentioned is usually the deadline. Anything earlier than that is extra. Just the way I think.
oaks Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I read A. Otherwise, wouldn't he have said "at the latest"? Yes, this.
sweetjasmine Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Question about communication. Someone says, "As long as you're ready to go by 4, that'll be fine." This means: (a) We're leaving at 4. It is like an appointment time. (b) 4 is the absolute latest we're leaving, but we may leave beforehand and so 4 is like the "deadline." Just curious on which would be more likely to pop into your mind. Mild argument with the sweetie, because I thought (a) but apparently it was (b). Is my brain just wired weird, or is this confusing for others as well? (I'm not mad at him about it or going to persist in arguing---I just wanted some random perspective.) Thanks! I'd think B. That's what "as long as..." would mean to me. I'd take it to mean "as long as we leave by 4, we'll manage to make it on time," with the assumption that leaving earlier would be best. 4 would be the absolute latest.
Jannah Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'd interpret as (A). Was there an incident in the past where he said he was picking you up at a certain time, and you weren't ready by that particular time?
SmileFace Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I see it as b To me it is like he saying - "Just be ready by four - so we can go but if you are ready before that - we can leave earlier as well. I don't him saying - "as long as you are ready before 4" , to me seems like 4 is the deadline . His wording is difficult to read since I agree it can be taken many ways . Yet I do see how 4 can be the deadline but he didn't provide a set time - so that is his fault.
SmileFace Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 "start getting ready at 4 and leave at 4.30", This is how it actually runs in my head ,too. lol
Nukulus Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I read this as: "4 is the absolute latest time we can leave. I would prefer to leave earlier though"
Analeigh Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I see it as B. My boyfriend would see it as A, and might make it 4:15. I think it depends on how you view time. I am never, ever late and he frequently is by 5 minutes. Time deadlines are absolute to me, and fluid to him, so I've learned to try and set a kind of final deadline time with the goal of doing/going/completing before that deadline.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I see it as choice A because I grew up in a military household. My dad would go ape**** because my mom took forever to get ready. He would often leave without her. She started doing her makeup and stuff in the car after that happened a few times. I am more laid back about deadlines... getting in an argument over that makes me feel like I am being nitpicked and I hate that ****.
carhill Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I was joining my best friend and his wife at 4pm to head to one of his employee's houses for dinner. His wife called me a few days prior to set it up. 3:20 rolls around and I'm getting dressed and she calls me again with 'you know we're leaving at 4, right?'. Me - 'yup, just heading out the door'. Get there at 3:58, on-time or prior, just like I've been doing for 15 years, and wait around until 4:20 while she does 'stuff' This is normal Also, one of my exW's biggest complaints about her second exH was that he was always late. She called it his passive-aggressive control behavior. Guess who was always late in our M. Hint: It wasn't me This is normal I need to work on better communication, or something...
glimmer Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Question about communication. Someone says, "As long as you're ready to go by 4, that'll be fine." This means: (a) We're leaving at 4. It is like an appointment time. (b) 4 is the absolute latest we're leaving, but we may leave beforehand and so 4 is like the "deadline." Just curious on which would be more likely to pop into your mind. Mild argument with the sweetie, because I thought (a) but apparently it was (b). Is my brain just wired weird, or is this confusing for others as well? (I'm not mad at him about it or going to persist in arguing---I just wanted some random perspective.) Thanks! Both. In different contexts though. I can imagine myself saying it and meaning (b) if I was already physically hanging out with the person at the time. It'd be kind of like yeah we'll mosey on out when we're ready but please by 4pm. because I'm starving, and that's the latest I can wait without fainting. I can also imagine saying (a) if I wasn't physically around the guy but we were talking about a time to leave to meet/pick one another up, etc. That would be like an appointment time.
EasyHeart Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I interpreted it as (b). I'm very anal about deadlines and hate being late.
LittleTiger Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 This is really interesting cos I have some similar mis-communications with my partner. I talk literally and I'm very specific about what I mean (I think ) whereas he's often quite vague and I misunderstand. At first I was going to say a) but then I decided probably b) or more specifically this: I read this as: "4 is the absolute latest time we can leave. I would prefer to leave earlier though"
Anxiety Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I would say B, but they're both really saying the same thing. When the clock strikes 4:00 you need to be out the door. This reminds me of a time with my exgf. We went on a weekend trip and I told her if she wanted be on time for her hair appointment we needed to leave the hotel at 10am.....10:45am she's finally ready. I'm doing 90mph down the highway while she's yelling at me because she was going to be late...like it was my fault.
Confusedalways Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I read this as: "4 is the absolute latest time we can leave. I would prefer to leave earlier though" I definitely read it like this, too. So I guess (b) for me.
carhill Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 My exW was never late to one MC meeting. It was the only time in our marriage when/where she was consistently and proactively on-time. I recall Anxiety's experiences most poignantly when exW's car was broke and I was going to be spending my valuable time fixing it and she would similarly 'suggest' that I drive faster to get her to work since we of course left the house when she was ready. You know, clients waiting and all that. Rarely a thank you for fixing the car, since it was my 'job' as a husband. So happy to be divorced....so, so happy
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