P&R Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 So... I have been anguishing over this girl I've been dating for awhile because it was 3.5 months without any kind of exclusive relationship in sight. I made it known I wanted an exclusive relationship at 2 months and she said "she needed time to think about things".... quiet awkwardness ensued as I drove her home. I let it slip that I loved her about a month and 10 days ago. After giving her a romantic valentines day, 2 days later while I'm driving her home after we had coffee, she told me that she broke up with the two other guys she was dating. She said it was because it seemed stupid to date other people when none of them compared to me. I asked if we're exclusive and she laughed and said I guess we are. The weird part is she broke up with the other guys a month ago and didn't tell me. Another weird thing she told me how many other guys she was seeing besides me (2). Not only did she do that she divulged the details of one of the breakups and said she was too nice on the guy when cutting him loose. She said that he wanted to still be friends, she agreed. She also said that she has been plagued by non-stop calls from this guy for the last month. (she also said she will take care of it and be very harsh on him then cutoff all contact) This seems like an odd thing to be telling me... to be divulging the number of guys and a few details about them. The last bit about the guy calling her was a bit odd too. Which leads me to these questions... why was she keeping this from me? The fact that she broke up with the other guys a month ago? Why did she give me a little bit of into on them... and the specific number of guys she was dating? This all seems odd but I'm new to the dating game. I had a girlfriend before but we didn't "date" persay before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. So having to go through the dating/exclusivity process is a different experience for me. The things she told me don't leave me feeling worried... it just leaves me feeling a bit perplexed. I will say that I DO have a strange curiosity about these guys she was dating. Not out of jealousy... but because I just find it interesting conversation.
MarlyStar Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I think it's all good news. She broke up with them for herself. Because she was dissatisfied with them; not because you put pressure on her or anything else. And she's telling you the truth and being open. Why didn't she tell you until now? Because it wasn't your business; she would have broken up with them with or without you in her life. THey didn't measure up; you do. That's my take on it.
musemaj11 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 She wanted the other guys, but they werent serious about her. So she dropped them and settle with the back up guy.
Author P&R Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 She wanted the other guys, but they werent serious about her. So she dropped them and settle with the back up guy. I highly doubt that is the case from everything I know about her.
Nukulus Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Just enjoy it man. It seems like the outcome you wanted, if only delayed a little while. Sometimes it takes other people a bit longer to figure things out. Take her at her word and just let it go. Enjoy the perks of being exclusive!
Author P&R Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Just enjoy it man. It seems like the outcome you wanted, if only delayed a little while. Sometimes it takes other people a bit longer to figure things out. Take her at her word and just let it go. Enjoy the perks of being exclusive! I am taking her word... it just seems strange that she is telling me all of this info. Usually aren't the other people that you dated a taboo subject just after you've become exclusive?
glimmer Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I am taking her word... it just seems strange that she is telling me all of this info. Usually aren't the other people that you dated a taboo subject just after you've become exclusive? I'd be curious how involved her relationships with them were. I might be naive but does it mean she was physical with them (sex)? I don't know. The whole thing would confuse me too.
Author P&R Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) I'd be curious how involved her relationships with them were. I might be naive but does it mean she was physical with them (sex)? I don't know. The whole thing would confuse me too. She's a virgin. She told me before that she crossed guys off of her list that tried getting sexual with her. She told me how greatful she is that I'm respectful towards her. She also said that she felt really safe around me. She's never had a relationship ever, and she is waiting for that special person. Edited February 20, 2011 by P&R
chryssy83 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I have been this girl before in relationships. I don't know her, so I can't say for sure, but this is how it worked when I was doing the same thing. I'm not ready for exclusivity, there are other guys hanging around. So I see them, I see you, I'm honest about the lack of exclusivity. At some point, I like you best, but committing to you is bigger to me than just not seeing anyone else. So I become quietly exclusive--break it off with the other guys, keep seeing you to see how my feelings develop. Eventually when I wanted to agree that we were exclusive, it had been a while that I was seeing the guy and I was already not seeing anyone else, so all that was left was to tell him. If she's really a virgin, it's not super surprising that she takes things slow emotionally as well as physically. Don't overthink it, follow your gut. You say she's not the kind of girl to date you because she's settling....believe that. You got what you wanted, keep moving forward. Good luck!
glimmer Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 It sounds like you two are off to a really great start. I think all relationships should start like this. Good luck!
Ay Diesel T Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Not sure if you should be okay with being her last option. It's kind of blatant that you were that option B or C. Why are you happy with this? She kept you waiting until these other guys didn't work out. Plus, you really don't know if she was physically active with these other men. Why settle for seconds? (Emotionally and/or Physically) Do you believe she'll truly be happy with you? Yeah she's picked you, but that was after these other guys either messed up, or didn't want what she did. So in a way, she settled for you. Will you be ok with being that guy who she settled for? Cause if she settled, she'll probably end up catching the "grass is always greener" effect a couple months to a year into the relationship you two will share. Just a couple things to consider, but I would really like for you to get back to my questions when you get the chance. Would really like to see why people allow themselves to be an option, and one that's settled for rather than earned. This is why I don't do multi-dating, well, at least be involved with a woman who is if I'm romantically interested in her.
Author P&R Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Not sure if you should be okay with being her last option. It's kind of blatant that you were that option B or C. Why are you happy with this? She kept you waiting until these other guys didn't work out. Plus, you really don't know if she was physically active with these other men. Why settle for seconds? (Emotionally and/or Physically) Do you believe she'll truly be happy with you? Yeah she's picked you, but that was after these other guys either messed up, or didn't want what she did. So in a way, she settled for you. Will you be ok with being that guy who she settled for? Cause if she settled, she'll probably end up catching the "grass is always greener" effect a couple months to a year into the relationship you two will share. Just a couple things to consider, but I would really like for you to get back to my questions when you get the chance. Would really like to see why people allow themselves to be an option, and one that's settled for rather than earned. This is why I don't do multi-dating, well, at least be involved with a woman who is if I'm romantically interested in her. That is the thing... I don't think I was the last option, in fact I believe I was always her first option. This girl has never been in a relationship in her entire life or been exclusive with somebody and she is 23. Her longest time dating somebody before me she admited was 5 dates.... So she would cycle through men very quickly and she would essentially let anyone date her. So... has never really "settled" for anybody, she either stopped dating or started going on more dates with different guys. I also had a talk with her about sex, because I thought "well she's going out with a lot of guys so she must be sexually active". She admited she was a virgin and she waiting for that one special person to enter a relationship with, and eventually have sex. She also was afraid she was a rebound so she wanted to take things slower with me. I laid everything out on the table when I started dating her... I told her I got out of a relationship 1 month before I asked her out.
Author P&R Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I have been this girl before in relationships. I don't know her, so I can't say for sure, but this is how it worked when I was doing the same thing. I'm not ready for exclusivity, there are other guys hanging around. So I see them, I see you, I'm honest about the lack of exclusivity. At some point, I like you best, but committing to you is bigger to me than just not seeing anyone else. So I become quietly exclusive--break it off with the other guys, keep seeing you to see how my feelings develop. Eventually when I wanted to agree that we were exclusive, it had been a while that I was seeing the guy and I was already not seeing anyone else, so all that was left was to tell him. If she's really a virgin, it's not super surprising that she takes things slow emotionally as well as physically. Don't overthink it, follow your gut. You say she's not the kind of girl to date you because she's settling....believe that. You got what you wanted, keep moving forward. Good luck! didnt see this post... i think you hit the nail on the head... That sounds a lot like her. I had a weird feeling she hadn't been dating other guys for awhile because all of the sudden she became more avalible.
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