RomoGuy Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I understand and respect someones decision that they don't want to be with me. But why would they tell you that you are perfect for them, the one, blah blah blah the day before the breakup? We never argued or anything, it seemed like a fairy tail relationship... but overnight it turned into her saying everything was wrong... how does this happen? I'm day 50 of NC, feeling good. Met a hot girl last night at the club, tall brunette (6'2") im (6'4") exchanged numbers, feels good.. That really helped me alot, getting out and meeting to people is great for healing.
D78 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 People say "you're perfect" blah blah blah and then break up the next day because they don't have the courage or the respect to be honest with the person they supposedly love, IMHO. Congrats on your NC and meeting new people! Good luck.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Hmm, Its just Ive never been the dumpee, Ive always been the dumper.. And in previous relationships, Ive never told any of the girls they were perfect, if they weren't. And never acted like things didn't bother me if they did.. I let them know what my issues were... That is what bugs me the most and what Im having the hardest time getting over. I just feel very led on and I don't understand how or why she would say everything is perfect one day then everything is wrong the next... makes me think its GIGS, who knows...
D78 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 It really sucks to work in a relationship, openly communicate even when it's hard, tell the truth even when you don't want to... etc. only to find out the other person has been phoning it in for however long. I've never had anyone do that to me until this breakup. I also found that really hard to get over, and finally just had to drop it because I will never get why he did that to me. All I can do with my new found lesson is put it really high on the list of what I will never do to someone else.
Ajax Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm with you Romo. My ex initiated a conversation about a week before dumping me in which she wanted to make sure I knew how much she loved me and how happy she was to be with me. The week later, she realized she needed to figure herself out and there was no room fo me in her life. Go figure. I think that they say these things sometimes because they want them to be true. They want to be happy with us and think that if they say it it will make it true... but it doesn't. It sucks being led on, but I think that they're also leading themselves on too.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 If they don't address the issues that are "bothering" you and tell me everything is perfect, how am I suppose to work on these issues in the first place? If you love the person, you will tell them if they really are "bothering" you, because you want to be with them and if these issues are really effecting you being with them, wont you tell them? so that they can be resolved and if they cant be resolved you move along... But telling them your perfect then the next day out of no where. This, this and this is bothering me, there is nothing you can do about it, goodbye.. leads me to believe... They are all a lie, they may have bothered them, but not enough to where it would cause them to breakup with you, without even giving you warning or giving you a chance to fix the issues (which I know I could have fixed the issues that she stated)... IMO they are a lie to get out of the relationship, to pursue someone else that can provide more of what she thinks she needs in her life (some sort of GIGS). In my opinion, thats what I think is going on in my case.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I'm with you Romo. My ex initiated a conversation about a week before dumping me in which she wanted to make sure I knew how much she loved me and how happy she was to be with me. The week later, she realized she needed to figure herself out and there was no room fo me in her life. Go figure. I think that they say these things sometimes because they want them to be true. They want to be happy with us and think that if they say it it will make it true... but it doesn't. It sucks being led on, but I think that they're also leading themselves on too. I agree with you on leading themselves on too. Doesn't it make it their fault then? I felt like i was being blamed for everything being wrong, but you dont have the dignity to tell me something is bothering you or give me a chance to make it right? I told her during the breakup.. "don't give up on me" and she said " Im not giving up on you"... lol, leaving sure sounds like giving up to me. Great verse in your signature BTW.. one of my favorites
D78 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 It can't be your fault, RomoGuy, because she said everything was perfect. Someone who wanted to stay in the relationship absolutely would tell you what was wrong and the two of you could work it out. She was done working, for whatever reason. She probably tried to make it seem like it was your fault as a way of dumping all the pain on you so she doesn't have to hurt. But, logically, you know it's not your fault. Ugh Ajax my ex did the same thing one week before breaking up with me. I now think, in my situation, it was his first attempt. I absolutely agree with your conclusion that they want the things they say to be true. My ex told me that was the case. But, that's also a cop out because they're basically saying "I want the relationship to be awesome again, but I don't want to actually work to bring that about. I want it to magically appear." I think our exs either could not express their feelings or chose not to. Since I was with my ex for a really long time, I know my case involved the latter.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I know what it is like, for several weeks leading up to the breakup, even 12 hours before she left me, she told me sh told me she loved me, wanted a long term future with me, and said I'm the kind of guy she wants to marry and she wouldn't mind if it was me. 12 hours later she dumped my ass. This was back in August, I am now with a new woman, one who values me and treats me with the same respect I give her.
ccfan Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I understand and respect someones decision that they don't want to be with me. But why would they tell you that you are perfect for them, the one, blah blah blah the day before the breakup? We never argued or anything, it seemed like a fairy tail relationship... but overnight it turned into her saying everything was wrong... how does this happen? I'm day 50 of NC, feeling good. Met a hot girl last night at the club, tall brunette (6'2") im (6'4") exchanged numbers, feels good.. That really helped me alot, getting out and meeting to people is great for healing. Same here... I still can´t explain why they do this... my ex gf told me in a ultra romantic email among many other things that "i´m the tipe of men that she tought it only existed in fairy tails.. she has found a treasure" .... only to dump me with not solid reason 3 days later... makes me think twice about falling in love again. I think in these types of scenarios they know what they are doing is wrong and will try to put as much "make up" over the situation as they can, even though i do not want a messy or angry breakup i´d definetely appreciate when they don´t sugar coated it that much.... it makes it insulting to the dumpee in so many levels ... And from there to the ex asking to build a "beautiful friendship" is just a step ahead..... watch out...
Author RomoGuy Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Man, these girls did us dirty, for real. If there was a solid reason for breaking up with me I would understand. Cheating, disrespect toward them, not spending enough time with them or any issue that truly bothered them and they had told you about but you never worked to make it right. Don't give me these tiny 'issues' that you never mentioned and expect me to believe that is why you left me. We had issues like any couple. But we talked about the ones that truly bothered us. And we both worked on them and fixed the ones we talked about... It has to be someone else she was interested in, I just can't see it any other way.
Sugarkane Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Hey its not just girls that do this. My ex bf did the same thing too. I thought everything was fine, he never expressed that he was unhappy at all. Then I got dumped completely out of the blue. And he said that he "should've done this ages ago". Don't get it.
spackle Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 because they're evil, they found someone else, fear? Don't discount issues. I hurt someone a long time ago, not my intention. And it's probably taken me 10 years of anger and guilt to start to get my **** together. For those 10 I've been gun-shy of getting involved, and as soon as I felt a guy start to develop stronger feelings for me I'd be out the door. I've even dismissed guy's I was attracted to within seconds because I was too busy imagining all the things that could go wrong. We get cold feet about messing up and can find it hard to express our feelings and thoughts as much as any guy. So sometimes it is ME and not you.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Its confirmed ladies and gentlemen, she has a boyfriend already! Its only been like 50 days. I don't know how long they have been dating, but I saw her brother posting on her fb wall saying something about her boyfriend. Seriously after only this much time? that can't be healthy right? I couldn't imagine getting into a serious relationship that fast after what we had. She had blocked me on fb and most of my friends after the breakup, but I found out through one of my friends that she forgot to block. Deleted everything with me in it, photos and all, almost trying to erase what ever happened between us. What are your thoughts on her having this "boyfriend" already after our serious relationship that ended not very long ago.
spackle Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 vine swinger. Doesn't leave one relationship unless they already have a firm grasp on where they're going next.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Do relationships like that typically work? I mean cmon, thats too fast. I was "mr perfect" and suddenly another guy that fast? Could it be a rebound?
spackle Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 could be,it could just be how she operates. Sorry you had to experience it first hand.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I don't understand, all the love and feelings for me didn't just disappear, do these vine swingers transfer all their feelings from their ex's toward the new person in an attempt to "replace" them. Almost like an emotional switcheroo? I don't understand how you can move to another person without properly healing from the breakup. She stated how much she loved me during the breakup and she was crying during the whole thing but she said I'm just not the right man for her. Now if that is true, all that love has to be channeled somewhere, it won't just disappear that fast, will it?
Author RomoGuy Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 She doesn't have a history of doing this 'vine swinging' I am her 3rd boyfriend, and the only serious one. Any more thoughts on this?
collegeguy_24 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Been there. My ex started dating a new guy less then a month after leaving me. Keep in mind, during this month she was also leading me on with the possibility of getting back together. She also later revealed to me that she did in fact, leave me for him, only to deny it later. She has a history of denial she says one thing and then denys it later. She also has a History of sleeping around, I was guy 10 in 2 years, but I accepted that. SHe even acknowledged it and said that now that she can put serious thought into it is rather shameful and she sulked for a couple weeks because she felt dirty. It took me 3 months to get into a new relationship, and it took me 6 months before I could fully commit, but I did.
Author RomoGuy Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I can't even imagine myself getting into a relationship until 6 months have past since the breakup, I know I wouldn't be ready to fully commit like you said. I know they are the dumpers and have a jumpstart on healing. But there is no way she is over me, its impossible, if you guys knew us, you would understand, not after a month and a half. Leaving a serious relationship and jumping into another relationship after such short time has to be a recipe for disaster, no?
Sugarkane Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 I can't even imagine myself getting into a relationship until 6 months have past since the breakup, I know I wouldn't be ready to fully commit like you said. I know they are the dumpers and have a jumpstart on healing. But there is no way she is over me, its impossible, if you guys knew us, you would understand, not after a month and a half. Leaving a serious relationship and jumping into another relationship after such short time has to be a recipe for disaster, no? I'd never leave a relationship and straight away jump into another one either. I hate that! Try not to take it personally, it sounds like rebounding. Just because she's seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean anything.
kaygato Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Exact same thing happened to me. I'm so hurt by it. I want to just go out and have a one night stand, but that's not really my style. I just wish there was something I could do for revenge. But I know that sleeping with some random guy or getting into a rebound relationship wouldn't be healthy for me at this point. I just can't really believe my ex is actually over me completely. It just can't be healthy to jump into a new relationship 3 weeks after getting out of another one. If he ever does come back...I'm really not sure I could trust him again.
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