NC Questions

[todd]

I have read some of the posts about breaking it off with your ex completely and going NC to work on yourself and possibly getting them thinking of what they are missing without you as a fall back guy, but I had a couple questions I wanted to kind of get resolved so they dont catch me off guard if they should happen.

 

Pretty much you want to ignore any crumb that comes your way but what if they come over to your place and want to talk but not about wanting to get back together... pretty much as a way of just getting you back in their lives as a fall back again. What do you say to them, do you get them to leave quickly, do you tell them you dont want to talk unless its about getting back together? Do you immediately kick them out.. I just dont want to end up doing the wrong thing and having to start from ground zero again.

 

Next, we are still friends on fbook. What is your guys general feelings about de-friending during the NC period. Mainly I am completely comfortable seeing your statuses and what not but should it be done to cut her off from my profile and in a way prevent her from using it as a tool to try to leave more crumbs or whatnot. Also would defriending someone you potentially might get back with in a couple months down the road be a bad thing or a good thing? Should I do it to try to make her think about me more or let her see my account so she can surf through my pics and possibly keep track of any fun things I am doing without her?

 

Lastly, I just started NC about a week ago and I do not find it too difficult (somewhat thanks to the help of reading others stories on here and just how I feel about myself and where I am at in my life currently), but what if she tries to jump the gun on wanting to get back together out of fear of losing me in a week or so? Should I possibly ignore any attempts she makes to get back with me so quickly since obviously she hasn't had time to really miss me. Is there a rough time frame at a minimum before reestablishing contact and possibly bring up dating again (like a month or two?) or should I just comment on it two days or so after she tries to initiate with a short sentence like "I need to have some more time to think about that possibility" and then go NC for awhile longer.. Just a couple things I am thinking about. Thanks in advance.

 

**Below this is a brief description if you are interested in my situation**

 

Dated for 2 years, we are in college, she is younger then me and said she need time to be truly single and explore herself for awhile. I remained friends with her for the past year (I know, probly pretty bad) we continued almost acting like we were in a relationship, still fulling around with each other, I was invited on all her family trips and we acted like a couple. A week ago I asked why we werent at least casually date eachother as she dated other guys and she said she cant because she would be thinking about me too much then. I said I needed to move on then and work on myself for awhile. NC began. I had two crumps since,

"I need you in my life still" and she messaged me about a movie that reminded her of me was on tv with a sadface.

[todd]

Also in terms of crumbs I got an email story from her about love, life, and how you should send this message to all the people who mean something to you, make you smile when you really need it, etc.

 

And I got something like that a couple days late from her mom (who I think has sent me one thing ever in her life, she was protective and cautious of me while we dated) about how you should send this story to "all the people you care for and dont want to lose in 2011"

[gator12]

I have read some of the posts about breaking it off with your ex completely and going NC to work on yourself and possibly getting them thinking of what they are missing without you as a fall back guy, but I had a couple questions I wanted to kind of get resolved so they dont catch me off guard if they should happen.

 

Pretty much you want to ignore any crumb that comes your way but what if they come over to your place and want to talk but not about wanting to get back together... pretty much as a way of just getting you back in their lives as a fall back again. What do you say to them, do you get them to leave quickly, do you tell them you dont want to talk unless its about getting back together? Do you immediately kick them out.. I just dont want to end up doing the wrong thing and having to start from ground zero again.

 

Next, we are still friends on fbook. What is your guys general feelings about de-friending during the NC period. Mainly I am completely comfortable seeing your statuses and what not but should it be done to cut her off from my profile and in a way prevent her from using it as a tool to try to leave more crumbs or whatnot. Also would defriending someone you potentially might get back with in a couple months down the road be a bad thing or a good thing? Should I do it to try to make her think about me more or let her see my account so she can surf through my pics and possibly keep track of any fun things I am doing without her?

 

Lastly, I just started NC about a week ago and I do not find it too difficult (somewhat thanks to the help of reading others stories on here and just how I feel about myself and where I am at in my life currently), but what if she tries to jump the gun on wanting to get back together out of fear of losing me in a week or so? Should I possibly ignore any attempts she makes to get back with me so quickly since obviously she hasn't had time to really miss me. Is there a rough time frame at a minimum before reestablishing contact and possibly bring up dating again (like a month or two?) or should I just comment on it two days or so after she tries to initiate with a short sentence like "I need to have some more time to think about that possibility" and then go NC for awhile longer.. Just a couple things I am thinking about. Thanks in advance.

 

**Below this is a brief description if you are interested in my situation**

 

Dated for 2 years, we are in college, she is younger then me and said she need time to be truly single and explore herself for awhile. I remained friends with her for the past year (I know, probly pretty bad) we continued almost acting like we were in a relationship, still fulling around with each other, I was invited on all her family trips and we acted like a couple. A week ago I asked why we werent at least casually date eachother as she dated other guys and she said she cant because she would be thinking about me too much then. I said I needed to move on then and work on myself for awhile. NC began. I had two crumps since,

"I need you in my life still" and she messaged me about a movie that reminded her of me was on tv with a sadface.

 

If she comes over, you make a quick excuse to get out of there, like tell her you are on your way somewhere and need to go. Don't let yourself get friendzoned by her.

 

Facebook doesn't matter as long as you aren't posting depressing things on it. And you don't use it to contact her in any way. If she reaches out to you through it, just leave it. Don't delete the commect/message but don't respond.

 

You're I need to have some more time is a great line for it, and the big thing about time isn't a set time frame. It is after you guys have changed, well in your case you. Because you will never know if she did, but you need to change any things that you know were wrong with the relationship. I am not saying you have to be 100% perfect, but if nothing has changed the relationship will be a repeat of the first one and will fail again.

 

Stay strong, Nc isn't wasy but it does work.

 

-Gator

[todd]

Thanks for the advice Gator! It seems so obvious now that you say it like that but when I am thinking about it my mind is just .. overwhelmed maybe lol.. thanks again!