pandagirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 So the guy that pretty much seemed to end it with me, wrote me from his trip. Sent me two emails, one just a short email telling me about his trip, and then another email where he sent me a funny picture (he likes to send me things like that). I know I just need to let it go, but why did he write me? I can't help but wonder.
Nexus One Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Perhaps to make you feel better or perhaps he thinks your at least still his friend. Or he's keeping you on the backburner. I have no idea really, just grasping at straws here.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Perhaps to make you feel better or perhaps he thinks your at least still his friend. Or he's keeping you on the backburner. I have no idea really, just grasping at straws here. Not a shot at the OP, but why keep a woman with a certain STD on the backburner? That makes zero sense. The STD alone would make me take her off of the team completely.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Attention and the emotional pull. Why do we " need" someone we have perfectly lived without? He doesn't want to be with you but for selfish reasons, he wants you around to make himself feel special. Any response, polite or rude will make him feel wanted.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 jerk leaves you, writes you and you can't help but wonder. your attentions with him. another case of girls prefering jerks. Not a shot at the OP, but why keep a woman with a certain STD on the backburner? That makes zero sense. The STD alone would make me take her off of the team completely. Wow, so someone asks a question and gets two points deducted off of her self-worth. Wondering doesn't mean she is going to marry the guy, grow up. She wants to know why someone would do this. And Diesel, bringing up someone's STD in a manner that is in no way constructive or helpful doesn't do anything but shame the individual in question. To help the OP: sometimes exes miss you, or they feel bad about what happened and therefore want to show you that they care about you as a person and think that by having some contact with you, that they are doing you a favor. They aren't.
oaks Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I know I just need to let it go, but why did he write me? I can't help but wonder. He misses you. Or misses some idealised version of what might have been.
Art_Critic Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 He misses you. Or misses some idealised version of what might have been. or he is just lonely and emailing her took away some of that loneliness..
Ay Diesel T Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 or he is just lonely and emailing her took away some of that loneliness.. This one is probably the reason.
zengirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I think it's one of these two. He misses you. Or misses some idealised version of what might have been. or he is just lonely and emailing her took away some of that loneliness.. But I also think it doesn't matter, pandagirl. Doesn't get you what you want or make you feel better longterm. Just keep truckin' along and looking for something new.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Just what they have said. The guy dumped you over your having a issue that at least 1/5 of the population has anyway and most of them dont know it. He may or may not regret his decision now. That's tough. Find someone who's really into you for you and will be able to live with your issue they exist.
Author pandagirl Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Just what they have said. The guy dumped you over your having a issue that at least 1/5 of the population has anyway and most of them dont know it. He may or may not regret his decision now. That's tough. Find someone who's really into you for you and will be able to live with your issue they exist. But I also think it doesn't matter, pandagirl. Doesn't get you what you want or make you feel better longterm. Just keep truckin' along and looking for something new. Wow, so someone asks a question and gets two points deducted off of her self-worth. Wondering doesn't mean she is going to marry the guy, grow up. She wants to know why someone would do this. And Diesel, bringing up someone's STD in a manner that is in no way constructive or helpful doesn't do anything but shame the individual in question. To help the OP: sometimes exes miss you, or they feel bad about what happened and therefore want to show you that they care about you as a person and think that by having some contact with you, that they are doing you a favor. They aren't. Thanks for all the nice words! Makes a girl with herpes feel a lot more accepted. Yeah, I'm not really sweating it. I just really didn't think I'd hear from him again, and here he is writing me from another country. He had no reason to contact me at all.
Author pandagirl Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 OK, I feel slightly pathetic even caring about this, but me and this guy have been emailing back-and-forth everyday on his vacation. Would a guy who didn't want to be with you do this? I'm confused.
SmileFace Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I am hope I am not getting any information wrong. I have followed your threads on this same topic. I am not sure but did he ever actually reject you for this? Or did you reject yourself? If I am sure, you told him and he said he has to think about and said he is going away soon. Ok, what happened between that and now that I am missing. He wrote you from his trip - he had time to think about it . I don't think he is really worried about it much-since he is talking. I don't know if you expected him to run and give you solace when you told him but this isn't a easy thing to swallow. However, I am not sure if I am missing something - since I didn't read the he lied about his age thread. Anyway I wish you the best and I am sorry you have to deal with this situation.
Author pandagirl Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I am hope I am not getting any information wrong. I have followed your threads on this same topic. I am not sure but did he ever actually reject you for this? Or did you reject yourself? If I am sure, you told him and he said he has to think about and said he is going away soon. Ok, what happened between that and now that I am missing. He wrote you from his trip - he had time to think about it . I don't think he is really worried about it much-since he is talking. I don't know if you expected him to run and give you solace when you told him but this isn't a easy thing to swallow. However, I am not sure if I am missing something - since I didn't read the he lied about his age thread. Anyway I wish you the best and I am sorry you have to deal with this situation. Basically, I thought he HAD rejected me by not calling/writing me back initially after I told him. THEN, he started writing me from his trip. (The age thing is a whole separate issue.) I hate admitting this, but a lot of this is tied up in my ego. I don't want to be "rejected" by him for the reason of having a STD. Though I know it IS a legitimate reason, and one that I respect, I still want... his acceptance of me. I DO like him, but dating him is almost secondary to this other issue. Do I sound horribly messed up? So, yes, I guess I'm pathetically asking if him writing me means that he hasn't written me off yet as a dating prospect. I'll know soon enough, but my friend who knows about my condition says why would a guy write you from another country if he was planning to blow you off....
xpaperxcutx Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Basically, I thought he HAD rejected me by not calling/writing me back initially after I told him. THEN, he started writing me from his trip. (The age thing is a whole separate issue.) I hate admitting this, but a lot of this is tied up in my ego. I don't want to be "rejected" by him for the reason of having a STD. Though I know it IS a legitimate reason, and one that I respect, I still want... his acceptance of me. I DO like him, but dating him is almost secondary to this other issue. Do I sound horribly messed up? So, yes, I guess I'm pathetically asking if him writing me means that he hasn't written me off yet as a dating prospect. I'll know soon enough, but my friend who knows about my condition says why would a guy write you from another country if he was planning to blow you off.... PG, it's pointless to indulge in an email fantasy. Tell him that you hope he has a nice vacation and that he should call you to make another date once he's back. Then you would have put the ball in his court, and his action would or would not confirm him wanting to date you or use you merely for ego boosting. Please, you're the reasonable one here, not him.
Author pandagirl Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 PG, it's pointless to indulge in an email fantasy. Tell him that you hope he has a nice vacation and that he should call you to make another date once he's back. Then you would have put the ball in his court, and his action would or would not confirm him wanting to date you or use you merely for ego boosting. Please, you're the reasonable one here, not him. I'm the reasonable one... Haha! on the first emails, I did sign off with something like: "have a great trip! Talk when you get back." but he just wrote me back with more stuff, and we've since been corresponding. I really hope this isn't ego boosting. Not sure why he'd do that, esp when I know he is still on the dating site.
SmileFace Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) What, why is this guy in any wrong here? Anyway,if you want to know where you stand with him, ask him . Stop playing this game of "who knows" with him and yourself and just ask him. You really need to stop rejecting yourself. What can he really be "ego boosting" about in this situation? If someone was actually ego boosting, wouldn't it be you. I am not saying you are . I just don't get the ego boosting term. Edited February 22, 2011 by SmileFace
Nexus One Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Pandagirl, I get the idea you've been assuming he broke up with you, except he communicated no such thing. You're trying to read him between the lines of his actions, but there's nothing to read there. It has only been an assumption on your side. You jumped to a conclusion based on your own expectation/fear I guess.
Author pandagirl Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Pandagirl, I get the idea you've been assuming he broke up with you, except he communicated no such thing. You're trying to read him between the lines of his actions, but there's nothing to read there. It has only been an assumption on your side. You jumped to a conclusion based on your own expectation/fear I guess. Yes, there is truth in this. He didn't communicate it verbally, but I felt him pull away. But there is no real way to tell since he is gone right now. However, I guess I'll find out soon.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 What, why is this guy in any wrong here? Anyway,if you want to know where you stand with him, ask him . Stop playing this game of "who knows" with him and yourself and just ask him. You really need to stop rejecting yourself. What can he really be "ego boosting" about in this situation? If someone was actually ego boosting, wouldn't it be you. I am not saying you are . I just don't get the ego boosting term. The guy could be aware that PG likes him, and is using her infatuation to make himself feel good.
Author pandagirl Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 The guy could be aware that PG likes him, and is using her infatuation to make himself feel good. Well, it's obvious that I like him, and it was pretty obvious that he liked me too. However, I am NOT infatuated with him! That is a strong word. haha. He said he would see me when he got back, so we'll see.
SmileFace Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I see no infutuation here . You contacted him - he replied - you left it alone. Now he is contacting you again. I wish you luck and hope for the best when he comes back. Just try not to make people's decision have such a big effect on you. I am pretty sure you are a great girl- if he can't see that . Oh well. You will find someone who is right for you.
SingVoice Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 This is just a thought...but it's possible that his initial reaction to the news was that he didn't know HOW to respond. I know if someone told me something that I considered "a shock" I would probably pull away for a little bit too to think about it. And then maybe once he went away he realized that he really did like you or maybe that he actually wanted to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe he just needs like....reassurance that you are the same person you were before you told him. Sometimes if people haven't been exposed to certain situations before they don't know how to react. You have to let them have time to actually HAVE a reaction and process.
Author pandagirl Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Just try not to make people's decision have such a big effect on you. I am pretty sure you are a great girl- if he can't see that . Oh well. You will find someone who is right for you. You are right! I let people get me down too much. That whole being "sensitive" thing. This is just a thought...but it's possible that his initial reaction to the news was that he didn't know HOW to respond. I know if someone told me something that I considered "a shock" I would probably pull away for a little bit too to think about it. And then maybe once he went away he realized that he really did like you or maybe that he actually wanted to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe he just needs like....reassurance that you are the same person you were before you told him. Sometimes if people haven't been exposed to certain situations before they don't know how to react. You have to let them have time to actually HAVE a reaction and process. This was a kind interpretation of his actions. You seem like a thoughtful guy. Yes, he was definitely thrown for a loop when I told him and I could tell he was really confused and flummoxed. I'm pretty sure he sincerely liked me as a PERSON, as he commented on my sense of humor and intelligence and we got along well. I guess we will see what happens. Such a tenuous emotional state to be in though!
daphne Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Good stuff. I think the withdrawal to figure out how he felt about it is a sound theory, esp since he's talking to you now. I hope it works out when he gets back.
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