Your thoughts...

[Heartbroken30]

I have been reading this forum for a couple weeks now trying to gather some information and read about people's experiences and in what way could it be similar to mine. I have found this forum very helpful in a lot of ways, but now would like some input on my situation as I have been in a rut for about 2 weeks now and it's a horrible feeling.

 

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. There was no cheating involved and he was not interested at all in anyone else. We had a great relationship with many happy moments but also naturally did some arguing and bickering. We have been close to breaking up twice before but decided to work it out instead and each time we became stronger. There was some jealousy on my part as he was friends with a few of his ex-gf's (they are all in serious relationships and we hung out on double dates with them) also he was very stubborn and although he asked for my opinion on things he never usually took my advice and continued doing what he wanted to anyways. So these were most of our issues. He has a great career but lives at home with his mom so that he can buy a house shortly for himself. I had my own apartment at that time but also decided to move home to my parents to pursue my career. Well things went downhill from that point. We could not spend as much time together anymore as before. He invested in a house to flip with a couple other friends and he devoted a lot of his time to do that. So our relationship was not priority at this point and he felt like I could not support him on this project but I just wanted more attention from him as before when we were in separable. So one night he was working on the project and I guess he was busy and did not call me or message me at all all night until I messaged him and got upset with him. The next day I got the dreaded "I think we need to talk" message. So he told me that night in the car that he felt like he was loosing connection with me and that we are growing apart. And naturally I cried and wanted him to realize it was because we were not spending time together as before. Well he said he did not want to be with me anymore. The next day I sent him an email in a bit to make him change his mind (i know now it was the wrong thing to do) and he replied with lots of mixed signals saying that he really missed how it was before and he wishes it was like that again (before I moved back home with my parents) and we exchanged a few emails that day only to say he is not changing his mind and wants some space and time to himself. So we went NC for 1 week until I caved again and sent him a text and he replied with "Hey- I want to be friends with you but I think it's too soon for that right now". So I replied saying that I agree with him and whenever he is ready to be friends I will be ready as well. And that was 2 weeks ago and NC since.

 

It has been so hard because we met online and I went back on the singles site to maybe meet new people a few days ago and I saw that he has opened an account again but only seeking "hang out". Most of his friends are all either married or coupled so I'm sure he is feeling lonely. So I'm just not sure what he's thinking right now. I want him to come back to me so badly but I don't want to break the NC because that might upset him.

 

We had an amazing relationship and for him to just say he does not feel the connection anymore hurts so much. And I know the reasons why things went a bit cold between us and the whole plan all along when I moved back to my parents was that it will be temporary and we will both work on ourselves to better ourselves for each other and buy our own home. And now this. It's him that could not handle the change.

 

What do you guys think I should do? What do you think his reasons really were for breaking up with me? Should I just wait until he gets back in touch with me? It's only been 2 weeks since NC at all but it feels like it's been a year. :-( And knowing he is online and setting up dates and chatting to other women does not make the situation better. Also, he is very stubborn. He would rather not have me back then admit he made a mistake and say "hey I really do miss you" so his ego could prevent him from getting in touch with me. Or will it? I'm just not sure what to think of all this and his actions.

 

Sorry if this post is long but I needed to vent and hopefully get some insight as to what you guys think of all this.

[D78]

... What do you guys think I should do? What do you think his reasons really were for breaking up with me? Should I just wait until he gets back in touch with me? It's only been 2 weeks since NC at all but it feels like it's been a year. :-( And knowing he is online and setting up dates and chatting to other women does not make the situation better. Also, he is very stubborn. He would rather not have me back then admit he made a mistake and say "hey I really do miss you" so his ego could prevent him from getting in touch with me. Or will it? I'm just not sure what to think of all this and his actions...

 

Heartbroken,

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

I don't think it was moving that made him want to break up. It sounds like he just wasn't that into the relationship anymore. If you really wanted to be with somebody, it doesn't matter if they have their own apartment.

 

It could be the jealousy thing really bothered him. When you're faithful to someone, it is annoying to be continuously questioned.

 

You can't figure out what to do because you can't think clearly. You need to stop all contact and get over him. Continue to respect his request for space, and stop looking up his online dating profile. I know, this is all easier said than done but if you do it, you'll realize it hurts less without him in your life.

 

After you heal, you can rationally figure out whether you want to be with this guy. I'm sorry that this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's the message I got when I came to LS and now I'm passing it on.

 

Good luck.

[caro2007]

Im going through something like this myself, in which is why i feel i could use the same advice, because i see what you went through i can actually see it a little bit clearer.

 

I actually moved in with my boyfriends parents a year after being together, yes, I was very young though, just out of high school, we met each other while working for the same company, he asked me out and was very interested in me. At this time he was very affectionate, then it just drop to just sex. Now, I do have a child about a year old, so everything happen so fast, mind you he is three years older than me, we were suppose to break up but so i got pregnant, it was shocking because i wanted to live life, had goals but i haven't given up...

 

Now, im 23 years old and I have though about leaving him so much because of the way he act and things he says. Like your so needy, in which I am but i do give him space, we are drifting apart, i don't want to be with you, its a shame i dont even want to touch or bother to continue, when Im around him I feel like given in and working things out but I feel rejection, and when im away from him i feel so strong.

 

I have tried to go to my grandmothers house to see if he would call or just bother to look for me, but he doesnt and worst part is that he already told me, "I will not go after you if you leave I have done it once and will not do it again." Really, im glad to know I will be leaving and not looking back except for my son.

 

I know I should follow my gut, its going to be tough leaving but I have to for a better life for myself, not to be self-fish about my son. I rather do it know since he feels so powerful just because hes a security guard and soon to be a sheriff.