zengirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 On the subject of being drugged and raped...yes, it happens to women (and men) who have NOT drunk heavily. A friend of mine was given a date rape drug, and was one of two women in the bar to whom this happened. She was lucky in that someone in her group realized she was not OK, and got her out of there. I won't go into the details, but the night was still really scary for her. The police took the case very seriously, and deployed a full rape kit just to make sure nothing had happened. God, I hate ignorance. Never been raped, thank God, but I've been dosed. Wasn't drunk at the time; in fact, the way I knew I was dosed was I'd had a beer I was carrying around all night (this was when I was in advertising and it was a local advertising/marketing event where our firm was being honoured), not really drinking. I was really surprised at it happening in that setting, but the hospital confirmed with tests it was a date-rape drug. I'd had less than half a beer, was in a setting with advertising professionals, and was with friends. Lucky for the last part. They got me to the hospital. But plenty of people have ideas about how rape/date rape works that are pretty off-base from what the stats bear out.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Ok, first she tells you no sex until you are in a relationship, then once you start dating it's no sex because of her bad experience... Whatever her past and her motives she is clearly jerking you around. What you decide to do from here is up to you. Don't expect her to change, don't any kind of lasting relationship, don't expect her to be faithful. Wow. I hope the man in question does not listen to you. A person who has been raped can very much want to have an intimate sexual relationship and fully intend to have one when they feel safe enough with a trusted partner. The rape victim is OFTEN very unprepared for the panic and other negative feelings that OFTEN come up at the moment a sexual situation is close at hand. If this happens and the former rape victim has to "abort" the sex mission, this will NOT be perceived as "jerking around" by a truly trustworthy partner. A person such as yourself or A.D.T. would be very toxic and harmful to a woman who was still experiencing problems resulting from a rape in her past. Obviously it would be a terrible experience for her and to a lesser extent, for you also if you were to try to get involved with such a woman. Yes, being a survivor of rape or of other abuse usually does leave a person with some baggage that is not welcome by certain potential suitors. If you choose to reject any rape victim from your dating pool that's up to you, but please don't start with blaming the victim, or saying stuff like she is "unlikely to be faithful" or to have "any kind of lasting relationship." That is ignorant, false and cruel.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Careful, unless you want to be labeled a rapist lol. I don't like most of your postings in this thread ADT, but this quote does make some sense. If you want to stick it out with this girl, just keep your ears open about her past. She might be telling the truth, she might be lying. I knew a chick that got "raped" so to speak. She wasn't really raped she just had sex with a bunch of guys, felt like a slut afterwards and said she was raped. People who were really raped would probably have trouble telling you about it, if they told you about it at all. Did she get any kind of therapy for it? Who raped her was it random? These are all things I would ask her. Some girls say they were raped to play the damsel in distress card. They want a "real man" to come save them. These kinds of females... only need to be saved from themself. I am not saying she wasn't raped, as it's very possible. But I would tread lightly with this chick young padawan.
Alma Mobley Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I am fairly certain that the OP is a woman and that this happened to her. At least now she knows how certain men would react to her story. I hope the man she is dating is a good man with integrity and compassion.
dispatch3d Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Rofl I could care less about the woman the OP is speaking about. He created this thread for HIS best interest. And my personal opinion is that it isn't in his best interest to deal with a rape victim. He should save his time. She sounds like a sloppy drinker. N.e.x.t. Pretty selfish attitude. It's a lot to take in at once. I think I'd wait it out for a bit and then decide. It would likely take me a little while to even digest what she just told me. That said, this sort of thing could give her a bunch of nasty hangups that would be hard for her to deal with - and I have enough of my own problems. So meh, it's a bit of a balance. edit: there's always the possibility that she's a narcissist whose playing games. So I'd tred carefully as far as that is concerned - similar to the women who cry pregnancy when you want to leave. Edited February 21, 2011 by dispatch3d
Ay Diesel T Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Pretty selfish attitude. It's a lot to take in at once. I think I'd wait it out for a bit and then decide. It would likely take me a little while to even digest what she just told me. That said, this sort of thing could give her a bunch of nasty hangups that would be hard for her to deal with - and I have enough of my own problems. So meh, it's a bit of a balance. edit: there's always the possibility that she's a narcissist whose playing games. So I'd tred carefully as far as that is concerned - similar to the women who cry pregnancy when you want to leave. Lol so familiar with the bolded text! Yes my attitude towards this is pretty selfish, but what's the OP to do? The woman has HUGE baggage. Who wants to deal with that? Rape is serious, and usually leaves a person thoroughly ****ed in the head. Call me a selfish douche bag, but I'd rather put an equal amount of energy into something more promising, not dreadful.
Trimmer Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Lol so familiar with the bolded text! Yes my attitude towards this is pretty selfish, but what's the OP to do? The woman has HUGE baggage. Who wants to deal with that? Rape is serious, and usually leaves a person thoroughly ****ed in the head. ...I'd rather put an equal amount of energy into something more promising, not dreadful. You know, I don't take issue with your selfishness for knowing that you can't or don't want to deal with a person who has been through that trauma. That's a choice and you are entitled to it. But where the f*** do you get this: The OP has to heavily the woman's good judgement, and lack of, and her baggage. ... It wouldn't be surprised if the woman frequently places herself in situations with a reasonable amount of danger present in the vicinity. WTF? Call me a ... douche bag Done.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 You know, I don't take issue with your selfishness for knowing that you can't or don't want to deal with a person who has been through that trauma. That's a choice and you are entitled to it. But where the f*** do you get this: WTF? Done. If I'm not mistaken the woman was repeatedly raped? I would question her judgement. If she's been raped once, okay. Twice? Like, honestly, where the **** is she hanging out at? And why is she frequenting these places? Not her fault for rape, but it's partially her own action to be in a setting where rape could occur, and to be in those settings more than once? Excuse me but if I was raped I would never go back to where it happened. That's just me though. Maybe I'm a ****ing nut case.
Trimmer Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 If I'm not mistaken the woman was repeatedly raped? I would question her judgement. If she's been raped once, okay. Twice? Like, honestly, where the **** is she hanging out at? And why is she frequenting these places? Not her fault for rape, but it's partially her own action to be in a setting where rape could occur, and to be in those settings more than once? Excuse me but if I was raped I would never go back to where it happened. That's just me though. Maybe I'm a ****ing nut case. I have not seen that information anywhere in her posts on this thread or on her other threads. (The OP, incidentally, is the woman in question, not the man.) Do you recall how you got that impression?
Ay Diesel T Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I have not seen that information anywhere in her posts on this thread or on her other threads. (The OP, incidentally, is the woman in question, not the man.) Do you recall how you got that impression? "Just when you are anticipating sex, she tells you that she was drugged and 1. raped (in a dark alley....really sketchy) about a year ago. She explains that she wants to have sex but needs to take more time. She is still healing and needs you to be patient, but she is full well desiring of a sexual relationship with you. Then, to top things off, she tells you that she was 2. raped as a virgin, so she has never had consensual sex." I read that as two events of rape. Maybe I read into it wrong. And I would've approached the post differently had I know the OP was the woman who was raped.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I read it as being the same incident.
Trimmer Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I read it as being the same incident. I did as well, which is consistent with the opening post of another thread of hers. In this thread, I read the statement: "...she tells you that she was raped as a virgin, so she has never had consensual sex" as a retelling of the original incident, expanding it to include the point that she had never had consensual sex, as if it were: "...she tells you that since she was raped as a virgin, she has never had consensual sex"
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