lenny Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 This is somewhat related to my last post where I found myself doing a bit of a mental pros/cons list when an old flame suggested I cheat (which I didn't and never will). I ended up telling my bf the whole situation (including my mental pros/cons evaluation) ... except who the other party was (just a timing issue ... I have to tell him later tonight when he comes over though). This has now turned into a huge fight about who this guy is! I am very reluctant to say the who part (I kind of soft-soaped it in the last post but the guy is married) as there could be major backlash over letting this secret out. I am really questioning whether I should have even said anything to begin with. I am really trying to address some of my previous failings in relationships and one of them was being open and honest - no keeping so many secrets. So far I haven't kept anything from this guy and this was the first questionable item but after sitting on it for a couple days I felt it was the right thing to do. Now, I no longer think this was the right thing to do. Because of the sensitivity of playing with a married man and my reluctance to tell the bf a name, this has now turned into a huge issue instead of the simple "hey someone propositioned me, I even thought about it but I chose you ... told the guy no and that his advances were not welcome so it's dealt with 100% ... the end". My question is, is it okay if your in a loving committed relationship to keep secrets from your partner on issues that would get him needlessly upset or is it just better in these circumstances to keep it to yourself? The later is the way I have rolled in any previous relationship so am most comfortable with (easier) but just because the first option is turning out to be much more difficult, does harder make it wrong?
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