scott123 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Me and my girlfriend just broke up. I haven't been getting any feedback to my other thread so if someone could look at that and give me some advice that would be great. Anyway for my question. I am obviously feeling like crap about it. She is outgoing and I'm more quiet. She has a lot of options. I'm not sure what to do about my facebook. I can see myself getting very bothered by what she writes on it or who writes on her wall, but I don't feel ready to delete her off FB all together. Just wondering if deleting Facebook as a whole for a while would be of any benefit? Or would that make me appear weak? Thanks and hope for some responses soon.
kdark Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Me and my girlfriend just broke up. I haven't been getting any feedback to my other thread so if someone could look at that and give me some advice that would be great. Anyway for my question. I am obviously feeling like crap about it. She is outgoing and I'm more quiet. She has a lot of options. I'm not sure what to do about my facebook. I can see myself getting very bothered by what she writes on it or who writes on her wall, but I don't feel ready to delete her off FB all together. Just wondering if deleting Facebook as a whole for a while would be of any benefit? Or would that make me appear weak? Thanks and hope for some responses soon. Isn't there some way to hide her status updates and notifications? Or are you checking on them yourself?
Author scott123 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 I can hide them. But I guess I'd be curious to check her wall. I'm not sure if I have enough strength right now to not do that. I'm pretty vulnerable. She tells me she's miserable over the breakup yet she's going out partying tonight, tomorrow, and the next night. I can just imagine seeing something that I don't want to see, or seeing mutual friends upload pictures that I don't want to see. However I am worried about looking like that "weak guy" if I do get rid of my account.
kdark Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 A more important question: why are you still talking to her? Aren't you two broken up? I had a similar situation, and I just deleted my facebook. But I never use it, so if you are on it a lot, that might not be an attractive option.
Author scott123 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Well it's a confusing scenario. We basically tried to work things out for the past few weeks but she still left me feeling very unappreciated and a last resort. Like a time filler when her friends were busy. When we debated what we were going to do with our relationship she told me I make her miserable but couldn't tell me why. She just said the small things I do. I think my actions showed I cared a lot more than hers did, but anyway that's a whole different story. I just don't think I made her miserable. I knew before we broke up that she was going partying tomorrow and I found out from her facebook that she was going partying tonight and we only broke up today. Not officially, but it's pretty well gone. She hid her relationship status and told me not to "ruin her weekend". AKA don't try to talk to her. I kind of check my FB a lot, not going to lie. I just know one of these days that I'm going to end up seeing something I don't wanna see.
Intricategirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I say defriend her. I've dated four guys since I was divorced. I deleted all four. I'm now Facebook friends with two of them again (one added just this morning), and had a third that we could not maintain the friendship so I deleted him. But you've got to give it time, and completely separate from them. You need space from her, and you have to take that big dramatic step of defriending. Otherwise, it's really easy to Facebook stalk them, and it will drive you up the wall. Every comment will be so loaded with meaning that probably doesn't exist.
Author scott123 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Yes it is very easy to Facebook stalk her. I know I should probably defriend her. I don't know if I have the courage to do that just yet. But hopefully I'll be able to gather it somehow before it's too late.
yellowhibiscus Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 If things are over and you know that it is going to hurt you to see what she is doing, then defriend her! I did it to my last ex...at first I didn't want to but when he was hooking up with another girl a week after we broke up (and put it up on fb) I said bye bye!! It is much easier to get over someone when you don't have to be constantly bombarded with the temptation to see what they are doing.
Intricategirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Yes it is very easy to Facebook stalk her. I know I should probably defriend her. I don't know if I have the courage to do that just yet. But hopefully I'll be able to gather it somehow before it's too late. Sure you do. The act itself is very short and easy. And afterwards, it's easy to make up a favorable version in your head of how they're feeling. Tell yourself she's upset about it and decided to stay home. Tell yourself she's wondering whether she should pick up the phone and call, but she feels like hell about it. Tell yourself that she's missing out by not being with you, and she must be sitting there, alone, every night. Yeah, you might know in the back of your head that it's not true, but why hang on to her on Facebook and have that little nagging doubt confirmed? And for what it's worth, I don't regret defriending a single one of them.
SingVoice Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 DELETE HER! Here's why...this is speaking from personal experience. Just when you get to the point where you think you are fine or over her or whatever....you'll look at her page and see something...and it will put you right back in the place you started from. You'll have a complete setback in the healing process and you'll have to do it all over again. Trust me...breakups are hard. You don't want to have to keep dealing with the same one over and over again. If it's over....delete her. She might even be saying things on her facebook just to get to you...so this way she can't.
blackmagik Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 DELETE HER! Here's why...this is speaking from personal experience. Just when you get to the point where you think you are fine or over her or whatever....you'll look at her page and see something...and it will put you right back in the place you started from. You'll have a complete setback in the healing process and you'll have to do it all over again. Trust me...breakups are hard. You don't want to have to keep dealing with the same one over and over again. If it's over....delete her. She might even be saying things on her facebook just to get to you...so this way she can't. I totally agree with this. Most definitely delete her, especially if you want to move on in your life. I have had some bad breakups, but I usually remove anything that could remind me of her in any; way, shape or form. This helps with the process immensely. Checking up on what she is doing, who is talking to, who she added as a friend, etc will only prologue your agony. I have also never gone after a girl again after I dumped her or the relationship ended. Why would you want to be with someone who didn't want to be with you at some point?
Lorelai Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 You can hide her updates and you can set your preferences so that she is excluded from most of your updates by default if you want to keep her from seeing what you're up to. That's only if you can keep from looking at her wall, tho. But be aware... for all you know her updates might be set to completely public or Friends of Friends.... so you'll need to do your best to stay away from her wall regardless if you think you're vulnerable to the temptation to torture yourself. That's all it is really. BTW: is it just me, or is the idea of a relationship being "Facebook official" a really sad commentary on society and social networking in general? I liked Big Bang Theory's take on Facebook and relationships, honestly. I got sucked in because I live three hours away from my hometown and it's the way I can keep up with what's going on in my friends' lives. My sister and I talk more now because of it too.
Author scott123 Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 I haven't logged in to facebook since I wrote my original post. I am terrified of what could be on there. When I find the guts to sign in I will try to delete her, as most of you are saying. Because of course, deleting her means I do have to go on her profile. It's true, the less I know about her at this point the better. It's almost as if I need to act as though she completely does not exist. and to Lorelai, if I had my time back I wouldn't have gone facebook official. At first it seems like a great thing to do with the thrill of being with someone new. However I think it causes more problems then not. Especially when you break up, all 1,000 people on her friends list know right then and there that she's available. You see people you thought cared about you "like" her status when she becomes single, you see people hit on her, etc. It's not even worth the trouble. I won't be going facebook official anymore in this lifetime.
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