whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Hey imstunned...I think of you often and hope you're okay. Sorry to hear that you've had another bad experience. Just remember how strong you are! Don't let ANY man, let alone anyone, ruin who you are!
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Thank you. I spent the better part of last evening reading all of "stunned" and it was almost the exact thing that happend to me and I felt the same way she did right after it happened to me. I was obsessed with replaying everything that happened and how could someone do that to ME! It was a good reminder of what a jerk my guy was and thank God I have moved on. I still think about what he did from time to time but I am trying after many, many years to totally forget. I guess I can never forget but I have to remember that he created a total fake persona of himself and that is who I fell in love with. I hope by talking about this, and reading will help give you closure and close the door to the past so you can be happy and at peace with your life. The past doesn't matter and dont' give that a-hole power over your life or thoughts now!
BB07 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Calli and Imstunned, It's difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand how punched in the gut a person can feel when you find out that someone has told you such huge lies. It's not just the one BIGGIE, it's all the others that go along with that biggie. It's like what you've known as your reality is not really reality at all, it was a cold cruel joke. Your mind goes nuts with wondering why.......why did he do it. You ask yourself if any of it was real? If they could fake/lie about the big things, then how do you know that those intimate moments that you would have went to your death bed believing in.......weren't they real either? Your mind spins and spins replaying every thing, it's like that old memorix commercial is stuck in your head, "was that real or what that memorix" plays over and over. It's hell and you are right in the middle of it. You are desperate for answers from him, some part of you wants to believe that he can give them to you but in your sane moments you know that even if he tells you or whatever he tells you that it can't be believed. How can it be. You know.........I know there are some women who have reconciled themselves with somehow accepting that a man they have loved has told such a huge monumental lie, among the thousands of others, but I couldn't. I couldn't convince myself that he really loved me and that is why he did it, I just couldn't do it. He stole so much from me, love, trust, my peace of mind and I DO MEAN STOLE in EVERY sense of the word. He stole it because I entered into a relationship with him under a huge falsehood. The ANGER, it still bubbles up sometimes and it's rage like I've never known before. The night it came to a head many months ago was terrible. I didn't hurt anyone or myself, but let me tell you I went outside and I beat the hell out of a few things with a grill brush and I screamed and cried. It was not a pretty sight. Sometimes I still hate that bastard that I used to love. Sometimes I want to make him hurt, (and I could do some horrible things to him) but those thoughts are less and less as time goes on. Oh and it pisses me off that he has forever changed me. I'm too old to recoup from all of it at this point in my life and yes I don't mean to sound all cynical on you because I have come a long, long way and I will survive, but I've had to do it scratching and clawing my way out. I AM better than him and I won't let him have anymore of me. Unlike him........I will have learned my lessons and I will not put myself into a position where I could be "conned" like that again. That is what it was ladies........."conned for love".
seren Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Calli and Imstunned, It's difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand how punched in the gut a person can feel when you find out that someone has told you such huge lies. It's not just the one BIGGIE, it's all the others that go along with that biggie. It's like what you've known as your reality is not really reality at all, it was a cold cruel joke. Your mind goes nuts with wondering why.......why did he do it. You ask yourself if any of it was real? If they could fake/lie about the big things, then how do you know that those intimate moments that you would have went to your death bed believing in.......weren't they real either? Your mind spins and spins replaying every thing, it's like that old memorix commercial is stuck in your head, "was that real or what that memorix" plays over and over. It's hell and you are right in the middle of it. You are desperate for answers from him, some part of you wants to believe that he can give them to you but in your sane moments you know that even if he tells you or whatever he tells you that it can't be believed. How can it be. You know.........I know there are some women who have reconciled themselves with somehow accepting that a man they have loved has told such a huge monumental lie, among the thousands of others, but I couldn't. I couldn't convince myself that he really loved me and that is why he did it, I just couldn't do it. He stole so much from me, love, trust, my peace of mind and I DO MEAN STOLE in EVERY sense of the word. He stole it because I entered into a relationship with him under a huge falsehood. The ANGER, it still bubbles up sometimes and it's rage like I've never known before. The night it came to a head many months ago was terrible. I didn't hurt anyone or myself, but let me tell you I went outside and I beat the hell out of a few things with a grill brush and I screamed and cried. It was not a pretty sight. Sometimes I still hate that bastard that I used to love. Sometimes I want to make him hurt, (and I could do some horrible things to him) but those thoughts are less and less as time goes on. Oh and it pisses me off that he has forever changed me. I'm too old to recoup from all of it at this point in my life and yes I don't mean to sound all cynical on you because I have come a long, long way and I will survive, but I've had to do it scratching and clawing my way out. I AM better than him and I won't let him have anymore of me. Unlike him........I will have learned my lessons and I will not put myself into a position where I could be "conned" like that again. That is what it was ladies........."conned for love". BB, when I read your post I thought this is what I and many BS feel like after D Day, not saying this to take a pot shot at you or any of the OW who have been conned by a MM, but, the emotions, the how could they and the sheer raw hurt, sounds very much like how I felt after over 20 years of marriage. If I could be gaslighted and lied to and believe the man I know better than I know myself, I can see how an OW can too. Being hurt by someone you love and trust is so very painful, no matter who you are.
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