makelemonade1974 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, so remember that NPD ex that I hate so much and am completely over. Well, I haven't actually laid eyes on him in over a month (at least) because I'm trying to avoid him at work. Today I was looking out of the 4th floor window of an office building and spotted him walking across the quad towards the library. He. Looked. Beautiful. Why does he have to be so beautiful? Why do I have to love him so much? He is a complete jerk. What is WRONG with me? I just want to go home - take everything I learned and go back and fix it. I miss him so much. I can't believe he has the power to do this to me. WHEN is this going to be over? I want to move to freakin' Brazil or something.
0hpenelope Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Ride out those feelings of despair, lemonade. I'm so sorry to hear that.
flow15 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm sorry...that sucks, my ex is beautiful too so i know how it feels, although I'm quite lucky that he lives too far away to be able to bump into him. But when i see photos of him, it breaks my heart. I often wonder if I'll ever be so attracted to another guy again.. Just focus on all his negatives, that kinda makes him uglier hehe! and also remember there are so many other beautiful guys out there!!! Take him off that pedestal!
depplover_1980 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Hope my PM helped in regard to this one. It does make a split extra hard when they are very physically attractive in my experiences, as you can't kill the desire for them on a basic primal level.
Gossamer Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 and it's *not* logical. It exists whether or not our former mates were truly, physically beautiful and charming. You were traumatized by this man, reinforcing in your mind that he is powerful. You are not yet at a point in the breakup where you are ready to see other people as that powerful and attractive, as that chemical, emotional, psychological bond is soooooo hard to break. The first time I saw my ex after he dumped me when I asked to see him to clear the air on my side, I was in his apartment, and he looked exactly like Keanu Reeves. It killed me so f*cking bad to be near him, smell him, crave his skin, hear his voice, and not be able to do what I normally would have done, jump his bones. Fast forward the next time I saw him, still in breakup mode a few months ago, and he never looked more unattractive. He had a unibrow going on that I never noticed before, he was more hairline receded, he was slightly pot bellied. I was still attracted to him, but I suspect that the more that time goes on and he is chemically "out of my system" and I am regaining my mojo by living my own life and improving myself, the less gorgeous he will appeal to me. It's good that you saw him from a distance, because you probably need to become used to that "jolt". Your heart/emotions will eventually catch up to seeing him as less gorgeous and desireable the more you live your life and the more your inner chemicals start to want to feel attracted to other men, ie, "have companionship and sex and intimacy with them". Take heart...he might be physically beautiful...but you also saw him from a distance, in passing, and the mind fills in a million details the heart remembers. He's not emotionally beautiful. Your heart will start to remember that, too. /Gossamer:D Yeah, so remember that NPD ex that I hate so much and am completely over. Well, I haven't actually laid eyes on him in over a month (at least) because I'm trying to avoid him at work. Today I was looking out of the 4th floor window of an office building and spotted him walking across the quad towards the library. He. Looked. Beautiful. Why does he have to be so beautiful? Why do I have to love him so much? He is a complete jerk. What is WRONG with me? I just want to go home - take everything I learned and go back and fix it. I miss him so much. I can't believe he has the power to do this to me. WHEN is this going to be over? I want to move to freakin' Brazil or something.
depplover_1980 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Just remember Lemonade that he is an empty shell of a man, he could be a robot programmed for academia and nothing else. Infact that describes him quite well, designed to go through the motions and excel at his chosen subject. ;)
Rose T Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Good-looking jerks are ten-a-penny, makelemonade! That's what I tell myself everytime my ex's beautiful smile runs through my mind anyway... lol... but it's true. If all you want is a good looking man who's going to treat you badly, you can find a replacement for him REALLY quickly. I imagine you'd actually prefer someone who is kind and loving to you who you also really fancy! He is out there! Being beautiful but being hollow has no value at all. You know that.
Gossamer Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 it sounds like someone with NPD...a programmed robot. Well said. Just remember Lemonade that he is an empty shell of a man, he could be a robot programmed for academia and nothing else. Infact that describes him quite well, designed to go through the motions and excel at his chosen subject. ;)
daphne Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 My narcissistic ex of some years ago was a model. He was beautiful. But he was also a pretty sick person. When I found out that he was cheating on me, I let go and I haven't looked back. Personally, I prize my emotional health over attraction. If your ex was a narcissist, you are not missing out. The quality of your life would never be high and it's not worth the attraction. Just remind yourself of this.
ccfan Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Yeah, so remember that NPD ex that I hate so much and am completely over. Well, I haven't actually laid eyes on him in over a month (at least) because I'm trying to avoid him at work. Today I was looking out of the 4th floor window of an office building and spotted him walking across the quad towards the library. He. Looked. Beautiful. Why does he have to be so beautiful? Why do I have to love him so much? He is a complete jerk. What is WRONG with me? I just want to go home - take everything I learned and go back and fix it. I miss him so much. I can't believe he has the power to do this to me. WHEN is this going to be over? I want to move to freakin' Brazil or something. Hi Lemonade: I can relate with your situation as it´s happening to me as well, but slowly i´m taking control over my feelings. First of all, what gossamer and rose said is spot on... when we love somebody we are mentally and chemically wired to put that person in a whole new level oftentimes overlooking the most common bad things a person can have, in short we look as them thru a glass that almost makes them perfect in our eyes and we don´t undestand how the world doesn´t notice what we see so clearly.... well.. the world is right and we are wrong by puting someone (who doesn´t deserve it btw) on a pedestal. You need to realize that even if hes a good looking person on the outside, in reality he´s not as good looking or as unique as you are seeing him right now, and secondly like others have said, you need to remember that shallow good looking people are a dime a dozen especially in this day and age of plastic surgery and so on.... train your brain to think about all the bad things he did to you and to associate his handsomeness with the pain he brought to your life. I´m telling you this because my ex has to be good looking for a living: She´s a tv host and it was really tough on me after the breakup dealing with the "fact" that i was never going to find such a beautiful girl, that she was so unique, hot, sexy etc.. etc.. well with time (i´m still working on it as i write this) and with the help of friends i realized that yes, she is indeed beautiful, but by no means she´s unique or irreplaceable and also i´m slowly comming to the conclusion that like everyone else she´s only another good looking tv host with fake big boobs and tons of make up, that when i saw her in the morning she was a completely different person that the "goddess" that´s on tv , and that there are tons and tons and tons of equally and way more beautiful girls out there as there are guys for you. And most importantly: that she is a very ugly on person on the inside and i feel for the next guy that is going to have to deal with it... please realize that your ex was as ugly as they come on the inside and that beauty certainly doesn´t last forever. Stop your mind to play tricks on you, do not allow it and do not go into trance thinking how beautiful he is, when that happens you have to change your focus immediately.. and little by little you´ll take him of the pedestal. In my case, i erased her tv channel, facebook, etc.. and avoid at all costs to hear about her, you should try to do the same as much as you can. Remember that hes not as beautiful or special as you think he is now, if anything it´s just the opposite of that. Good luck!!! Edited February 20, 2011 by ccfan
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