kaygato Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I thought I was at peace with his decision to break up. I thought I wouldn't let it affect me anymore. Well, that was until I saw that he'd gone and rebounded into a relationship just 3 weeks after we broke up. I thought eventually I could be his friend. Well, right now I'm feeling like I never want to be his friend. Unless he's changed his mind, I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing I still care. I'm so mad at him for doing this. I hate feeling like this. I'm definitely sticking to no contact now. At least until I've moved on and found someone new to be with. The nerve of him for saying he thought we could be friends "after I'd calmed down"! He thinks he's so generous for offering me his little consolation prize of friendship, but I'm not going to take it. I bet he didn't even mean it when he said he wanted to be friends. I would have wanted us to be good friends...he probably was seeing it as barely above a mere acquaintance. How in the world could I be his friend? I'm too angry and it's just too disappointing. I still want to apologize sincerely for the way I treated him at the end of our relationship...but other than that I really have no desire to contact him at all. I'm letting go. I hope he's happy...actually, screw that. All I know is that being friends isn't good enough for me. I still care way too much and being friends is the road to pain. I won't be his ego boost anymore. He has a new girl for that so why does he need me to cling to the measly crumbs of frienship he's offered? I'm too good for that. Perhaps my attitude towards being friends will change if they break up, but who knows when that will happen? For now I'm just going to assume he's happy with his choice and continue with no contact. Hopefully I can eventually move on and find someone new. I made it pathetically clear when he broke up with me that if his feelings changed...I may be interested in a second chance. He knows I haven't closed the door on him. The ball is in his court and now I just have to rebuild my life and focus on being happy on my own.
timchambo Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I thought I was at peace with his decision to break up. I thought I wouldn't let it affect me anymore. Well, that was until I saw that he'd gone and rebounded into a relationship just 3 weeks after we broke up. I thought eventually I could be his friend. Well, right now I'm feeling like I never want to be his friend. Unless he's changed his mind, I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing I still care. I'm so mad at him for doing this. I hate feeling like this. I'm definitely sticking to no contact now. At least until I've moved on and found someone new to be with. The nerve of him for saying he thought we could be friends "after I'd calmed down"! He thinks he's so generous for offering me his little consolation prize of friendship, but I'm not going to take it. I bet he didn't even mean it when he said he wanted to be friends. I would have wanted us to be good friends...he probably was seeing it as barely above a mere acquaintance. How in the world could I be his friend? I'm too angry and it's just too disappointing. I still want to apologize sincerely for the way I treated him at the end of our relationship...but other than that I really have no desire to contact him at all. I'm letting go. I hope he's happy...actually, screw that. All I know is that being friends isn't good enough for me. I still care way too much and being friends is the road to pain. I won't be his ego boost anymore. He has a new girl for that so why does he need me to cling to the measly crumbs of frienship he's offered? I'm too good for that. Perhaps my attitude towards being friends will change if they break up, but who knows when that will happen? For now I'm just going to assume he's happy with his choice and continue with no contact. Hopefully I can eventually move on and find someone new. I made it pathetically clear when he broke up with me that if his feelings changed...I may be interested in a second chance. He knows I haven't closed the door on him. The ball is in his court and now I just have to rebuild my life and focus on being happy on my own. Sadly chances are he had this new girl lined up before the split. Speaking from experience, no matter what he says its probably true. How long were you together? To me what he did (and my ex) is as good as cheating. Sure they had the decency to break up before they started the new relationship, but cheating is cheating. Emotional or physical, it doesn't matter. What I have noticed in my time away from my ex is all the character traits that would now surely tip me off as to this type of stuff being possible. Had someone told me days before she left me that she was the person she is I never would have believed them. But she is who she is. In the end she ended up treating me the same way she treats any other person in her life. It ONLY took 7 1/2 years for me to see this, but that is who she is. Threw me away when she felt she didn't need me anymore, and someone with something different to offer came along. I don't know about you, but I couldn't be friends with my ex after the way she did me. We spent years together, traveled the country, did it all. Out of the blue she throws away our engagement and jumps into "dating" this new guy exclusively. She still claims it had nothing to do with our split.. she must be dumber than I thought if she thinks anyone believes that. Even if your man splits with his new girl, do you really want to be friends with someone who can betray you like that? I don't know the slightest about him, but I suspect he has thrown away friendships/relationships in the past. I know how you feel though, they were such big parts of our lives and you want them back. I closed that door the minute I found out about the new guy and she knows that. Look around this board and you will see hundreds of people who all want to be back with their ex. Why? Because we felt special with them, and thought they were special too. This should be encouraging to us to know there are a lot of special people out there. I still struggle daily, but the struggles get easier and easier each day. Keep your head up and enjoy the single life right now. There must be something you can do now that you couldn't do before.
Author kaygato Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Right now I don't feel like I could ever be his friend, but I think after time passes I would be able to. My ex actually broke up with me 3 months and 3 weeks ago. I was in denial and convinced him to get back with me twice more, and his heart wasn't into it either time. I basically encouraged him to string me along for 3 months...I didn't listen to people's advice to leave him alone. We went to colleges an hour apart from each other, and that contributed to the breakup. I also wasn't appreciating him enough because I had a lot of stress in my life. Things basically fell apart but I was too stupid and stubborn to let go when I should have. I pushed him away and gave him all the power. I guess I don't feel so betrayed because I should have had the sense to realize he was serious when he said he wanted to break up. He never verbally stated his lack of commitment to making things work when we "got back together", but all the signs were there. I just refused to see them. Maybe I'm naive, but I still believe he's a good person. From what I've seen he doesn't just throw away other relationships in his life. There may have been some emotional cheating going on at the end, but he did make it clear in various ways that he wasn't committed to working "us" out. We're both young, and I think both of us just don't have the maturity to keep a romantic relationship going at this point. I wish he would have been more honest about what was going on in his head, but at the time we weren't in a committed relationship.
depplover_1980 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Stop with the friends stuff, who cares if you can be friends! Think about it, why would you even want him hanging around as a friend? It would be awkward in reality. What you've had is another blow, but also another confirmation it is definately over. So now you have to grieve and accept that the love has finally gone. You'll get through it, I promise. x
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