sumdude Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I suspect that if a guy's bitterness doesn't run too deep, it may be perceived differently by different women depending on how they are drawn to serious vs. lighter-hearted personalities. It's been quite a while since I've seen a thread on this nice-guy twist, but I've noticed that the female reaction to the "nice guy turned bad" (presumably because of bitterness) is much more negative than that to the stereotypical "bad boy" or jerk who's always been that way. Interesting, given that the "nice guy" always gets a very negative reaction in the first place. I'd venture a guess.. it's because at least the 'bad boy' isn't pretending.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think there's something pretty off in your read. I'm not sure what horrible experiences you're talking about. But I guess negative guys like you will twist any situation to fit your way of seeing things. Nor am I a bully. And my friends would say I am pretty damn awesome. You need a cave to dwell with your negative energy. I found myself stringing along a handful of guys, with no real interest in a relationship. I didn't date any of them, but we were in the same circles and they pursued. Several of these men pursued me FOR YEARS. Ok... then I will quote you.
daphne Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Ok... then I will quote you. Ok. So because I flirted for years with friends and stayed out of arm's reach I created horrible experiences? You sound about as knee jerk and inflammatory as a woman on pms with that logic. And for the record, I am friends with almost every last one of them to this day. If they felt like I was doing something horrible, I seriously doubt they'd want anything to do with me. Crazy.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Ok. So because I flirted for years with friends and stayed out of arm's reach I created horrible experiences? You sound about as knee jerk and inflammatory as a woman on pms with that logic. And for the record, I am friends with almost every last one of them to this day. If they felt like I was doing something horrible, I seriously doubt they'd want anything to do with me. Crazy. Go back and read your whole post. There is nothing cool with leading or stringing someone along. It can create huge issues for them long term and it hurts like hell. If your not interested then have the guts to tell someone, and if they don't get the hint stop talking to them. Find another friend. I've done that before. Why? Because I care about how other people feel, and I understand that my actions can have consequences. Besides... this is just one of many posts you throw out that just reeks of selfish. Hopefully it's just how you currently present yourself on LS and it will change with time.
daphne Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Besides... this is just one of many posts you throw out that just reeks of selfish. Hopefully it's just how you currently present yourself on LS and it will change with time. As hopefully your posts will learn to be actually positive in time? You're kind of ridiculous. I'm not remotely a selfish person.
waynebrady Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Women just can't win, can we? I by win, I don't mean win the gender war (which I think is bogus anyways in just in the head of bitter people on both sides of the genital divide), but win some respect and consideration as human beings. Well would you respect and cherish the man back just as much as he respects and cherishes you? Women are selfish if they only expect it to be a one way street, which is the impression I get from many, you say you want to be respected, cherished, treated good, loved etc etc... rarely do I see what you say about what you are gonna give back.
waynebrady Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Obviously there's alot more bitter men than women here... I general too I bet... I wonder why. I surely can't be because we actualy DO have it harder than you women now can it?
waynebrady Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 As hopefully your posts will learn to be actually positive in time? You're kind of ridiculous. I'm not remotely a selfish person. Yet you don't "give" back anywhere remotely as much as the man gives you. You play games, string guys along and expect them to do all the work.... Not selfish? Yeah right.
Kamille Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) Well would you respect and cherish the man back just as much as he respects and cherishes you? The answer is a resounding yes. Why just read my first post in this thread. I'm madly in love with my boyfriend and I respect and cherish him. Fact is that if you and others reached out with tenderness and some understanding... it would go away. Not completely because these issues come from the real world. However the attitude of rub some dirt on it... and if your attitude isn't 100% perfect your no longer a worthy human being is what seems to persist. Where's the tenderness and understanding for women? Some of these posters clearly think women aren't worthy humans being. If in every post I wrote I said the equivalent of "All men are selfish", I wouldn't expect the majority of men on here to show me empathy and respect. I would be the one throwing salt into wounds. I couldn't behave that way and then expect empathy. Would you extend an olive branch and show a woman poster empathy if you knew her actions and reactions were caused by negative real world experience? Have you done so in the past? Or did you stick her with the title princess and call it a day? Why should the women on this board be held to a higher moral standard than you? In summary... Yeah some of us guys can be douchebags at times, that's our fault and we should own it. However, when you react by being just as much of a jerk... the cycle spins down the toilet. And some of us women can be princesses at times, that's on us and we should own it. However, when posters react by generalizing to all women and belittling all women, the cycle spins down the toilet. Edited February 19, 2011 by Kamille
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 OK looking over all of this I see what the real problem is. Dissilusoioned pointed out that some people here do to men what Waynebrady has done to women. Wayne admits to having little to no direct personal experiences...yet he has made up his mind that women are this and that. Often these supposedly bitter men are judged to be bitter based on...what? Just how does a woman know a man is bitter by looking at him. He could just be having a bad day or be in a dark mood when you meet him. Personally I have never been able to judge someone bitter based on one meeting. Folks have bad days (or weeks). Usually bitterness is a long and persistant anger like state. Like Ebenezer Scrooge...now he was bitter. In some of these post it sounds like a woman won't date a man if on their first meeting he isn't all smiles and giggles.
Jazzari Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 OK looking over all of this I see what the real problem is. Dissilusoioned pointed out that some people here do to men what Waynebrady has done to women. Wayne admits to having little to no direct personal experiences...yet he has made up his mind that women are this and that. Often these supposedly bitter men are judged to be bitter based on...what? Just how does a woman know a man is bitter by looking at him. He could just be having a bad day or be in a dark mood when you meet him. Personally I have never been able to judge someone bitter based on one meeting. Folks have bad days (or weeks). Usually bitterness is a long and persistant anger like state. Like Ebenezer Scrooge...now he was bitter. In some of these post it sounds like a woman won't date a man if on their first meeting he isn't all smiles and giggles.Why would you want to date someone who has emotional issues or is bitter and angry? If they spends the first date bitching about work or the ex or financial problems or whatever, then forget it. Skip the giggles, but yes, he certainly has to smile and be fun. If he can't get over his "dark mood" for a first date, then it certainly isn't going to get any better down the road. So no, I wouldn't date him again. Life is too short to take on someone else's negativity.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 OK looking over all of this I see what the real problem is. Dissilusoioned pointed out that some people here do to men what Waynebrady has done to women. Wayne admits to having little to no direct personal experiences...yet he has made up his mind that women are this and that. Often these supposedly bitter men are judged to be bitter based on...what? Just how does a woman know a man is bitter by looking at him. He could just be having a bad day or be in a dark mood when you meet him. Personally I have never been able to judge someone bitter based on one meeting. Folks have bad days (or weeks). Usually bitterness is a long and persistant anger like state. Like Ebenezer Scrooge...now he was bitter. In some of these post it sounds like a woman won't date a man if on their first meeting he isn't all smiles and giggles. Actually the first dates are easy, it's making the second that's hard. I think what most women actually want, myself included, is for the men to own up to actions and make a good first impression. Gentlemenly gestures are just that. Just like we're capable make a first impression by dressing up and looking gorgeous, a guy makes it by having the decency to open doors. Really is that so hard to figure out? We're not trying to place man in a certain role, we're merely assessing what he's made of.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Your two talk of first dates. The thing is many of the guys here who sound bitter... don't even get that. They feel judged and rejected on sight alone.
Author Disillusioned Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Excuse me... may I get a word in edgewise? So, what some of you are saying is you'd rather avoid a bitter person altogether, rather than try to get them to enjoy things? No wonder there are so many men and women on LS lamenting that they can't get no satisfaction! Decent partners don't drop from the sky, no matter how perfect your life is or isn't... AFAIC if you don't have the patience to work on a potential partner a little (assuming you've worked on yourself---God knows I have), then you're in love with a fantasy.
sumdude Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Go back and read your whole post. There is nothing cool with leading or stringing someone along. It can create huge issues for them long term and it hurts like hell. If your not interested then have the guts to tell someone, and if they don't get the hint stop talking to them. Find another friend. I've done that before. Why? Because I care about how other people feel, and I understand that my actions can have consequences. Besides... this is just one of many posts you throw out that just reeks of selfish. Hopefully it's just how you currently present yourself on LS and it will change with time. I don't know if I find knowingly stringing someone along as morally reprehensible, distasteful perhaps. If it's obvious that you're causing someone emotional pain then yes, it's wrong. But a lot of people don't show that pain, they just go home and suffer so the one on the other side may not even know that they're involved with that kind of dynamic. It's like asking someone who likes fishing why they do it if they only throw most of their catches back in the river. On the other hand anyone who is being strung along also has personal responsibility and their own choices to make. Einstein (i think ) said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. So if you're being strung along, you know it and it's hurting you then walk away. We're all autonomous human beings here. We're all responsible for protecting ourselves to a great extent. By putting the onus on the other party in this situation you're just giving all your personal power to them and releasing yourself of personal responsibility. Believe me this all stuff I've learned the hard way. I've been on both sides of this equation. I do now know that I walk away from someone if I think they're somehow getting hurt by me appearing to lead them on. It just makes life less messy.
Author Disillusioned Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Finally someone who makes sense. You know you can get beat up for saying that?
Jazzari Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Excuse me... may I get a word in edgewise? So, what some of you are saying is you'd rather avoid a bitter person altogether, rather than try to get them to enjoy things? No wonder there are so many men and women on LS lamenting that they can't get no satisfaction! Decent partners don't drop from the sky, no matter how perfect your life is or isn't... AFAIC if you don't have the patience to work on a potential partner a little (assuming you've worked on yourself---God knows I have), then you're in love with a fantasy. Wrong. I'm in love with a real live man. And no, I sure didn't have to work on him to get him to enjoy things. The idea is absurd. I don't go into a relationship with the idea of "working on him" or trying to change a man. That's a sure way to heartache.
sumdude Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I've seen first hand what holding on to anger and bitterness can do to a man. I have a friend I've known for 30 years. I can't say what happened to him as a child but it hurt him deeply. But he never let go of it. There came a time when I had to let go of him as a friend because I couldn't take his bitterness any more. He hurt me with it and I took a lot trying to be a loyal freind. I just came back from the hospital visiting him. He's in the final stages of liver failure from drinking himself to death. He's just about 50 years old. Five years ago he finally found and married a woman who accepted him as he is and is now by his side. It's a shame they won't get to enjoy their lives together for much longer.
TheBigQuestion Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 As hopefully your posts will learn to be actually positive in time? You're kind of ridiculous. I'm not remotely a selfish person. What he quoted does make you sound incredibly selfish and willfully ignorant of how your actions impact other people. Stringing people along and not having the balls to break it off when you're not actually interested is selfish, not to mention obnoxious. The fact that you fail to see how statements like that actually make you look says quite a bit about your character, in addition to every other post you've made on this message board lately.
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