is it really impossible for a long-distance relationship to succeed?

[Minniemoore]

Hi everyone, I’m new here and English’s not my first language, but I’ll try to get the meaning across. I really need help on this one.

 

 

We used to spend a lot of time together when we were kids, but then he moved to another town and I hadn’t seen him for more than a decade. Then last summer we both went back to our hometown for his cousin’s wedding who’s also a good friend of mine. We started talking and we found out that we were both single. At first I didn’t pay much attention to him as I was thoroughly absorbed into my last relationship that ended just few weeks before that. But then we went on bumping into each other at the local bar and soon I caught myself thinking about him more and more. He seemed totally into me too... I thought it was just infatuation that would soon pass and didn’t want to push things ‘cause we live in different cities now, and long-distance relationships can become pretty complicated. Anyways, nothing happened and I went back to the town where I live now ‘cause I had to get back to work. He stayed at his parent’s house for a little while and I know he’s been asking around about me with my parents.

 

 

After a while I realized I was still thinking about him. At the time he didn’t have a Facebook profile, but he soon appeared in his cousin’s friend list and I sent him a request, after which he sent me a message and we started chatting. All the time he was trying to push the conversation about “us”. I told him that I didn’t want a long-distance relationship but he was convinced that we could make it so eventually I decided to give it a shot.

There was another wedding in our hometown coming on so we first thought to meet up there but I couldn’t make it because of the work so he decided to stay for a few days after the wedding. I came the day after the wedding to meet him but found out that he had already gone. Soon he sent me a message on Facebook apologizing. I checked his story with his relatives and it turned out to be true. He really had to go back and I told him I totally understood and that we were ok.

 

 

 

Then he promised to come to see me in 10 days. I said ok, but he didn’t say anything and didn’t show up after ten days. I was so disappointed and so angry with him ‘cause he made me believe we could make it and then blew me off without an explanation. He might have had good reasons, but I still think he could have at least sent me a message. I had the feeling he was just playing with me so I waited for a day for him to apologize and then, as he didn’t do it, I blocked him.

 

 

My ex boyfriend used to play mind games with me and I dread to think about going through such a relationship once more. However, as the time passed by, I began thinking I overreacted and unblocked him after a month hoping that he would notice. He did notice, but never wrote back. It’s been two months since I unblocked him. Now, I’m starting to think I should write to him first, but I just don’t know what to say. Should I be patient and wait for him to write or should I write first or should I just go on with my life and try to forget him? The last option seems the most painful, but I’ve been through painful break-ups before and I made it. Surely I can do it once more but what if I’m wrong and if I’m letting go something good here?

[aisle_seat]

First, let me say that your English is very good.

 

Second, don't contact him. I know you want to, but really he should make the first move. He blew you off without explanation and he should apologize at the very least. I realize you two didn't have anything going on, romantically, yet but common courtesy dictates he should not have told you he would do something then not do it and not apologize. You've friend-ed him back so that should be enough of a signal to him that you are open for communication. LDRs do work but both parties must be committed and consideration for each others feelings is at the top of the list any any relationship but especially in an LDR. Good luck and in the mean time, move on.

[creighton0123]

Your English is just fine.

 

Two things:

 

1. Despite what someone does to you and unless they are harassing you, blocking someone in online contact is rarely ever appropriate between adults.

 

2. You never really seemed to have an LDR with this man. You had a promise to a visit that he bailed on.

 

LDR's can work. They're harder, especially if you approach them from the mindset that you are in a standard/normal relationship. A long distance relationship is fundamentally different than a run-of-the-mill, romantic relationship.

 

Hence why you can look through these forums and see that many of us are counting down to the end of the long distance relationship and rejoicing by saying "My long distance relationship is over!"

 

I can't speak for everyone here, but these forums are a great help in passing the time and having some friendly banter with folks in the same relationship situation as me.

 

I'd say forget this guy. Move on. You had a spark that had some potential. That's since passed.

[HeavenOrHell]

I agree with the other 2 posts.

LDR's can work, but only if both people want to put the work in to make it work, they require much more communication than most r/ships, more trust and way more patience.

[Minniemoore]

Yes. I know blocking him wasn’t the most appropriate thing to do, but I had some bad experiences with LDR in the past and was totally pessimistic about this one from the start. The thing I was afraid of most was that he would eventually come up with a really good explanation which would make me totally forget that he hadn’t contacted me at all in ten days… It’s what I did in my last relationship. My ex would do one good thing and I would instantly forget (yes, not only forgive, but absolutely forget) all the **** that he had put me through. I guess I just wanted to stop being such a gullible person. So my plan now was to block him and never think about him again. I know it may sound stupid, and it does sound stupid to me now, but it’s how I felt at the time and I couldn’t help it.

 

 

 

I know what we had isn’t an LDR, but he isn’t just a random guy. We’ve known each other for a long time and our families are pretty much connected. We clicked well as kids and it seemed that we totally grew up in the same direction, which hardly ever happens. When he didn’t reply, it really came as a surprise to me, and I couldn’t figure out why he had done it. And I still can’t. But he did what he did and I did what I did. And I guess there’s no fix to that now.

 

 

I went through these forums and, yes, I can see LDR works for a lot of you. I guess I’m not the right person for that sort of thing or just haven’t met the right person yet with whom I could make LDR work. Anyways, thank you all for your advice. I thought I should move on but I just needed someone to confirm it to me so that I can finally stop analyzing it for good. And I guess I’ve got some issues to deal with, but haven’t we all? I know I shouldn’t let my past interfering with my present, but it’s easier to say than to do. I may stick around though; you guys seem to have a lot of interesting stories…

[creighton0123]

Well, perhaps you should focus, instead, on meeting the right person :-)

 

There's no reason you have to meet someone that will result in a required LDR :-D

 

Just treat every single person you meet as a new person, having little if anything to do with your past relationships.