Call Me Al Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Last July I began seeing a girl I met thru one of my friends. Im 27 and shes 23. She had expressed interest in me for about a month before hand, and I liked her. We spent tons of time together, had fun, experienced new things together, etc. There was an emotional connection that went beyond just the 'new love' feeling. She is quite independent, works full time, tutors kids on the weekends, and lives on her own...and is quite mature. In the early winter, she became withdrawn. We went from very regular conversation to infrequent, and things became cold. We had had a few conversations where we were both confused about whats next due to this odd emotional distance that she felt she couldnt explain or fully understand. As time passed, little changed. It became frustrating to me to become emotionally invested in someone I rarely saw, so I pulled back some and spent my time focusing my energy on my job, helping my parents with their home addition, spending time with friends, etc. The feeling for me was still present, but I tried not to focus. About 3 weeks ago I told her honestly and up front that we needed to discuss where we were. She basically said she needed to be done. As we continued to talk, she said she felt unsure of herself regarding a split up and had told herself its what needed to be done. She said she maybe needed a break...which I wasnt really thrilled with and said I needed the weekend to think on it. Later that night she sent a text stating she really wanted us to work. I thought on it for about a week Several days later, she sent a very brief email stating she needed to break it off. I sent back an email stating that I wasnt completely closing her off, but I wasnt going to hang on to the illusion that she would come back to me or put my life on hold for her. I did point outt that I care for her and if her emotions changed or she felt differently, she shouldnt be afraid to be honest although I may not still feel the same. I immediately took no contact and Ive been trying to cope. She rarely updates her facebook, and I havent been tempted to check it. The absence of long phone conversations seems weird now, even though it had dwindled for a few months. My main concern is that because she seemed uncertain about the decision...how do I truly let go and move on? I dont want to find myself stuck in a denial phase where I keep alive this notion that she *may* come back? On top of that, if she does contact me...I just want to be prepared for how to appropriately respond. I dont want to completely write her off because I do care, but I dont want to wait. If she did come back, I want to be honest that things couldnt just be how they were to make it work. Ugh.
Author Call Me Al Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 any insight? It'd be much appreciated
xpaperxcutx Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 She has your FB, number, and quite possibly your address. Anything short of her contacting you again is amnesia and lack of interest. You're not stuck in a state of denial, you're stuck on the what if... which doesn't really help you any because you're still stuck. My suggestion? She took you at your words, and now you take her at hers. She's not ready, and well you're ready for a relationship... just not with her. Time to meet other ladies who are ready and willing. Happy hunting.
Author Call Me Al Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Absolutely. Its the 'what if', not denial. Good way to put it. I guess I just dont want to end up in a state where if she were to call me 6 weeks from now I would just drop everything to be with her assuming things will be how they were at the start.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Absolutely. Its the 'what if', not denial. Good way to put it. I guess I just dont want to end up in a state where if she were to call me 6 weeks from now I would just drop everything to be with her assuming things will be how they were at the start. I, too, wish I can see the future, but seeing as the future is what we make of it, I rather spend my next 6 weeks in bliss than wondering about it's eventual outcome. Say, in 6 weeks time, Girl comes back, you could very well be in a better place and mind frame than you are today. I'm of the belief that people often come back when you're already in a better place without them. So, are you?
Author Call Me Al Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Good point. Its not much benefit to just wonder what may happen next at this point. Thanks.
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