Sugarkane Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I feel really frustrated at the moment. My cousin is getting married and has a child. My other cousin my age already has a SO and a child aswell. I admit that I feel jealous, this is what I wanted. But instead I seem to have bad luck. My ex who I was serious about, dumped me out of the blue, completely callously. The guy [G1] after that messed me around and played games. Most recent guy [G2] has to go back interstate to study. Its not fair that I have to go what feels like the merrygoround, while my cousins luck out and everything seems to work out for them. They haven't been through a bad breakup yet.
broken-and-lost Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 hi sorry you feel like that but life tends to happen when your busy making other plans you should be happy for your cousin but not all couples are happy even with kids. you have to be happy with yourself hopefully the rest will take care of itself being married with kids does not make for the perfect life, the perfect life is what you make it. but it's never easy being surrounded by everyone who is paired off when society says thats what you need to be happy, what you need to be happy is to understand happiness comes from within and not from other people. You really can't plan this stuff i thought i was going to get married to my ex girlfriend only to get my heart broken again at 37, try to focus on you
willpower Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I feel really frustrated at the moment. My cousin is getting married and has a child. My other cousin my age already has a SO and a child aswell. I admit that I feel jealous, this is what I wanted. But instead I seem to have bad luck. My ex who I was serious about, dumped me out of the blue, completely callously. The guy [G1] after that messed me around and played games. Most recent guy [G2] has to go back interstate to study. Its not fair that I have to go what feels like the merrygoround, while my cousins luck out and everything seems to work out for them. They haven't been through a bad breakup yet. Take a step back and move away from your emotions. What are you really looking for? (I'm a guy so this is a dudes persective). I have a friend who has not been out of a relationship since he was 18 for more than 2 months (27 now). H'e been in about 10 of varying lengths in that time (some a few months, some years). He confessed to me yesterday that he really wants kids and could have a kid with almost anyone (slight exageration on his part but he settles with girls easily). Now for me this is totally unrealistic, I'm insanely ambitious and also extremely intolerent of any negative behaviours in my partner. If I'm going to have a kid with someone they are going to have to be compatible with my lifestyle as I'm not about to quit working long hours or put up with a lack of cleanliness or high self asteem in my partner (or a foul tongue for that matter). So why can't you find what you want? I dont know you but you need to figure if what your asking for is realistic (are you searching for a perfect partner who may not exist) and second to that once you have a partner are you compromising your own self respect in order to try and get to the 'dream' you are thinking about. The dream likely will be nothing like you imagine it to be, it may be good, but in a different way and I think its worth not thinking about the outcome but focussing on each relationship and judging if that partner is what you want long term. I also agree'd with my friend that relationships break due to 3 main reasons, 1. Lack of communication 2. An unsustainable compromise being made by one or both parties 3. A breach of trust. Think out of those 3 why your past relationships failed, judge honestly how much responsibility you should take. Now try to work on that next time. Above all maintain respect for yourself, dont stick with someone who is not giving you what you want and deserve. I was on the other end of that in my last relationship, I took way less care of my ex than she deserved, pushed her away and finally drove her to another guy. Who was to blame for that? Well I was the root because I did it but likewise if the relationship was perfect then she would have also been able to effectively communicate with me how she felt, and if I had been a good listener then I'd have taken this on board and acted on it. All too often both people have a part to play, even if one is the root. A healthy relationship is not down to a lack of problems, its down to an abundance of enthusiam to provide solutions.
Recommended Posts