Disillusioned Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm getting frustrated. Does anyone want to get to know each other a little bit before we screw? I mean really!!!! I'm down for sex and all but getting to know someone would be nice to start with for a change. I just think that's the way it is now. Really disappointing!!! I really don't get it. No way in hell am I going to screw a woman unless I've already married her. Guess how many times that's happened? Zilch!!!!!
Lovelybird Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 If it feels right for both partners and there is an understanding by both partners about the kind of relationship they're in, then why not? I doubt they are in right mind to "understand" that due to how brain chemical works. Most often you can feel right at the moment, and terrible next moment. But it is the charm of freedom of choice, right? sometimes it feels so good and cool about that, sometimes the consequence of free choice is so cold, not cool anymore
SilverLining Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Wow, Califman. I actually have made the first move. I'm outgoing, I asked the last guy out. I can't always tell if a guy is interested in me physically or actually wants to get to know me though. Also, in all the relationships that I have had where I have asked the guy out or made the first move, the guy always seemed to not appreciate me as much and seemed not as interested. I definitely think there's something to letting guys ask you out, because in my experience, even if I wasn't interested in dating, those interactions lead to something more worthwhile...in many cases, a good friendship.
Disillusioned Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I've been screwed. Over. And yet, women have had the nerve to accuse me of being bitter, negative, not feeling guilt, and just about every other thing that can be wrong. So, last November I decided that I'm a man and not a mark. If some woman out there wants a man who will treat her decent, all she has to do is ditch her attitude, and I'll sell my Realdoll.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Men have to deal with cheapskate women. Women have to deal with horny men. I guess its even. As much as I don't want to agree with this it's very true.
Disillusioned Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Hahahahaha!!! Ladies, have you ever encountered a ONS who wanted sex so much, he got on his knees and started blubbering and bawling for it?
Author 9Lives Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 it amuses me how some women who are such ardent proponents of the 'divine' right of women to expect men to pay for them on the first dates in the other thread, suddenly switch to the other end of the spectrum and moan about how men expect women to give them sex on the first dates. Karma is a bitch, isnt it? retarded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SilverLining Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) Califman, I get that you've been 'screwed over'. I get that you are bitter and hurt. It's absolutely ok to feel that way when someone hurts you. I have been screwed over as well, and so have many of the people who come on here. Don't let that bitterness rule you. It just alienates people, makes you feel like crap, and gives the person who hurt you more power over you. I have tried, more than 1 or 2 times, to start something with someone. When I am successful, it ends up being all about sex. If I put my foot down about not being a one-night stand girl, I never get called again. And yes, I have started conversations with men...waiting in line, on the bus, etc. If it leads somewhere, we make plans...and then once we go out, he has no interest in anything but sex. And I never see him again. Edited February 19, 2011 by SilverLining
SilverLining Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) Any advice there? Venue advice? I'd really like to meet a moderately attractive, nice guy who is open-minded and tolerant, patient, and has some sort of passions for something. Because apparently all guys I ever talk to or am interested are jerks. So I guess I need some words of wisdom. Edited February 19, 2011 by SilverLining
sumdude Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Any advice there? Venue advice? I'd really like to meet a moderately attractive, nice guy who is open-minded and tolerant, patient, and has some sort of passions for something. Because apparently all guys I ever talk to or am interested are jerks. So I guess I need some words of wisdom. Judge a person by their actions, not their words or appearance. Make sure you meet their friends and family. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep or don't keep. Manage your expectations. I don't mean lower your standards. We all have that perfect scenario in our heads. No one can meet those expectations. Don't let yourself be pressured into anything you're not comfortable with. Maintain your boundaries. Live in the moment. Trust your instincts!
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I usually have a rule, after 3 dates if he hasn't tried having sex with me I move on, it's because he's screwy then if he hasn't gotten all hot & bothered yet by that time. Also if he seems broke I move on because I need a real man not a kid. And he needs to live alone not be married ever, that's a turn off. But I've had only a few men not try to get me into bed after the 3rd date, although one I am interested in now is different he's really great.
susanfollows Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 are you kidding me? this is why jerks get the girls. No, it's because they know what they want and aren't around THINKING about it all the time. i've gone out with guys that were just awfully ugly only because they're the only ones who took the chance and tried.
SilverLining Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I think it would be nice to not sleep with a guy the third date. I don't even like to kiss a guy on the first date. Ok SO in answer to your suggestions...I was teaching for a bit, therefore I have done a fair amount of volunteer work and nothing. There were not many single, moderately attractive men there. As a teacher I definitely do dress down, and also in the community because you never know who you are going to meet out...also I think I'm getting older because I like dressing down now. I only dress like my avatar if I'm going out or something, and as I said before, I don't expect to meet the classiest of men and I'm not complaining about that. I can't even really get to a third date. I go out with a guy and he is disrespectful of my boundaries so I end up not going out with him again and telling him why. I often can't even get to the date because I get men asking me to send them dirty pictures. WHAT? Where does any guy get off asking this? I think that the issue is that a lot of women have lowered their standards. I think it's fine if a woman wants to sleep with a man, but there are also many girls who do it because they feel it's expected of them, or they feel that they won't be considered 'fun' or 'sexy' if they don't. We live in a society where women feel like they ought to be having sex sooner or their date will lose interest, and the media does everything it can to glorify this. I want to have a more adult relationship that consists of mutual understanding and respect, but it's difficult to draw male attention with 'understanding and respect' when the hot girl behind you is wearing a short skirt and the guy you are talking with can barely focus on you. Soon you find yourself trying to dress sexier in order to compete. It is painful to feel that all the value and appreciation a man can have for you temporarily vanishes when there's an attractive woman in the room. I have had it done to me, and I have seen guys do it to their partners when I walk by. Women resort to their sexual attraction to gain attention because that's all we know how to do to get men to respond. The problem is, that attention is not positive and it's not fulfilling in of itself. I do think that both sexes are guilty. Why should dude go out with me and spend time to get to know me (assuming he just met me and asked me out) and when he can go out with another girl and get sex on the third date? What's the incentive? I know that there are guys out there who are more interested in a loving relationship but I think that either they are unavailable or in some way so unattractive or socially awkward that they don't get noticed. I hope that all made sense. I've been enjoying pina coladas over here...
musemaj11 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) retarded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you feel you are forced to pay, then you shouldn't pay in the first place. so what motivated you to pay? you don't mean you are trying to buy sex, do you? I guess the same advice applies here as well. If you dont wanna have sex on the first dates, then dont do it. I think that the issue is that a lot of women have lowered their standards. I think it's fine if a woman wants to sleep with a man, but there are also many girls who do it because they feel it's expected of them, or they feel that they won't be considered 'fun' or 'sexy' if they don't. We live in a society where women feel like they ought to be having sex sooner or their date will lose interest, and the media does everything it can to glorify this. I want to have a more adult relationship that consists of mutual understanding and respect, but it's difficult to draw male attention with 'understanding and respect' when the hot girl behind you is wearing a short skirt and the guy you are talking with can barely focus on you. Soon you find yourself trying to dress sexier in order to compete. It is painful to feel that all the value and appreciation a man can have for you temporarily vanishes when there's an attractive woman in the room. I have had it done to me, and I have seen guys do it to their partners when I walk by. Women resort to their sexual attraction to gain attention because that's all we know how to do to get men to respond. The problem is, that attention is not positive and it's not fulfilling in of itself. I do think that both sexes are guilty. Why should dude go out with me and spend time to get to know me (assuming he just met me and asked me out) and when he can go out with another girl and get sex on the third date? What's the incentive? I know that there are guys out there who are more interested in a loving relationship but I think that either they are unavailable or in some way so unattractive or socially awkward that they don't get noticed. I hope that all made sense. I've been enjoying pina coladas over here... Switch 'woman' with 'man' and 'sex' with 'money'. Each gender has its own battle. As much as I don't want to agree with this it's very true. You know what Duck? This thread actually touches a corner in my heart. Makes me realize that most people in both genders are just selfish jerks and bitches and the few good people from both sides are the ones who get squeezed in between. Sad. I was thinking that perhaps because I'm well-endowed, I'm unknowingly attracting guys who are more into it for the sex? I just have no idea. The sight of large ass or breasts kick male reproductive instinct into high gear. If you want a man who likes you for more than sex, minimize as much as you can the possibility that a man thinks of sex first when he meets you. It can be hard, but its doable. Edited February 19, 2011 by musemaj11
EasyHeart Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I think that the issue is that a lot of women have lowered their standards. I think it's fine if a woman wants to sleep with a man, but there are also many girls who do it because they feel it's expected of them, or they feel that they won't be considered 'fun' or 'sexy' if they don't. We live in a society where women feel like they ought to be having sex sooner or their date will lose interest, and the media does everything it can to glorify this. I want to have a more adult relationship that consists of mutual understanding and respect, but it's difficult to draw male attention with 'understanding and respect' when the hot girl behind you is wearing a short skirt and the guy you are talking with can barely focus on you. Soon you find yourself trying to dress sexier in order to compete. It is painful to feel that all the value and appreciation a man can have for you temporarily vanishes when there's an attractive woman in the room. I have had it done to me, and I have seen guys do it to their partners when I walk by. Women resort to their sexual attraction to gain attention because that's all we know how to do to get men to respond. The problem is, that attention is not positive and it's not fulfilling in of itself. I do think that both sexes are guilty. Why should dude go out with me and spend time to get to know me (assuming he just met me and asked me out) and when he can go out with another girl and get sex on the third date? What's the incentive? I know that there are guys out there who are more interested in a loving relationship but I think that either they are unavailable or in some way so unattractive or socially awkward that they don't get noticed. I hope that all made sense. I've been enjoying pina coladas over here...The incentive is that he gets to go out with YOU. As long as there are women who think they are required to have sex with a guy or they won't be considered 'fun', there will be guys who will take advantage of them. And as long as there are women who think a man is gay because he hasn't tried to get into their pants by the third date, men who are respectful and interested in women as people will be shunted aside. If a guy isn't willing to wait a few weeks (or months) before having sex with you, then he isn't interested in YOU, he's interested in sex with the most convenient woman. And if he passes you by for a girl in a tighter skirt, you haven't really lost out on anything. And by the same token, if you pass up on men because they haven't got a smooth enough line for you, or because they 'must be gay', then you're probably missing out on the very guys you should be interested in.
Lovelybird Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 The incentive is that he gets to go out with YOU. As long as there are women who think they are required to have sex with a guy or they won't be considered 'fun', there will be guys who will take advantage of them. And as long as there are women who think a man is gay because he hasn't tried to get into their pants by the third date, men who are respectful and interested in women as people will be shunted aside. If a guy isn't willing to wait a few weeks (or months) before having sex with you, then he isn't interested in YOU, he's interested in sex with the most convenient woman. And if he passes you by for a girl in a tighter skirt, you haven't really lost out on anything. And by the same token, if you pass up on men because they haven't got a smooth enough line for you, or because they 'must be gay', then you're probably missing out on the very guys you should be interested in. Very well said!
Lovelybird Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 have fun with the jerks. you are pretty jerky right now
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Wait, after three dates, if he hasn't had sex with you, you move on? Great way to make guys who are virgins or inexperienced feel better about themselves. Gee...thanks! But seriously, susan, who do you think you are? Jessica Alba? You're not a celebrity, and just because you offer sex, doesn't mean that he's not a man if he doesn't take it (in fact, it makes him more respectable, because he's showing you he's more than just about sleeping with you!)
Sanman Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I think it would be nice to not sleep with a guy the third date. I don't even like to kiss a guy on the first date. I can't even really get to a third date. I go out with a guy and he is disrespectful of my boundaries so I end up not going out with him again and telling him why. I often can't even get to the date because I get men asking me to send them dirty pictures. WHAT? Where does any guy get off asking this? I think that the issue is that a lot of women have lowered their standards. I think it's fine if a woman wants to sleep with a man, but there are also many girls who do it because they feel it's expected of them, or they feel that they won't be considered 'fun' or 'sexy' if they don't. We live in a society where women feel like they ought to be having sex sooner or their date will lose interest, and the media does everything it can to glorify this. I want to have a more adult relationship that consists of mutual understanding and respect, but it's difficult to draw male attention with 'understanding and respect' when the hot girl behind you is wearing a short skirt and the guy you are talking with can barely focus on you. Soon you find yourself trying to dress sexier in order to compete. It is painful to feel that all the value and appreciation a man can have for you temporarily vanishes when there's an attractive woman in the room. I have had it done to me, and I have seen guys do it to their partners when I walk by. Women resort to their sexual attraction to gain attention because that's all we know how to do to get men to respond. The problem is, that attention is not positive and it's not fulfilling in of itself. I do think that both sexes are guilty. Why should dude go out with me and spend time to get to know me (assuming he just met me and asked me out) and when he can go out with another girl and get sex on the third date? What's the incentive? I know that there are guys out there who are more interested in a loving relationship but I think that either they are unavailable or in some way so unattractive or socially awkward that they don't get noticed. I hope that all made sense. I've been enjoying pina coladas over here... I definitely agree with you SilverLining that it is a problem on both sides. In my dating experiences/adventures, I have run the gamut from not kissing on the first date to a one night stand. This is usually dictated by the woman and my read of what she is comfortable with. The issue I find as a guy most often is that if you don't go in for the kiss or are not aggressive for a physical connection initially, many women feel a lack of chemistry and get bored. In this day and age of multi-dating, the most aggressive guys (discluding the ones that make you too uncomfortable) are the ones that generally get the girl. I can't recall the last time I was sleeping with a woman and was not the one to end up in the relationship with her, even if she was dating others at the time. I've had only one relationship where the sex came more slowly (6 weeks). That was due to the fact that she had a house guest. I am perfectly fine with waiting and respecting boundaries, but most the time it seems women don't feel comfortable with that. It is a bit of a vicious cycle. Sidenote: SilverLining, you look GORGEOUS in your avatar!
phineas Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Any advice there? Venue advice? I'd really like to meet a moderately attractive, nice guy who is open-minded and tolerant, patient, and has some sort of passions for something. Because apparently all guys I ever talk to or am interested are jerks. So I guess I need some words of wisdom. It sounds like your idea of "moderatly attractive" is far better looking than most other people's. Only the very good looking guys I know have enough options where they can walk away from a woman who won't have sex as fast as they want.
Leeway Harris Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 And yes, I have started conversations with men...waiting in line, on the bus, etc. If it leads somewhere, we make plans...and then once we go out, he has no interest in anything but sex. And I never see him again. A little off-topic, but this just cracked me up. You talk to people on the bus? Chicago must be a lot different from New York. Here we keep our eyes to ourselves at all times in public. It's amazing anybody ever meets anyone.
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 A little off-topic, but this just cracked me up. You talk to people on the bus? Chicago must be a lot different from New York. Here we keep our eyes to ourselves at all times in public. It's amazing anybody ever meets anyone. Haha I am originally from the NYC. Most of my time was spent on MTA - and I barely ever meet anyone. You get on - get to your destination(repeat). However I moved to a smaller location - still a city. I get on the bus everyday and people start conversations. Call you out when they realize you are a regular. It is very weird. lol Ha, I got on the bus the other day and this guy is like " Your hair looks better short, you smile more since you cut it". I cut my off about two weeks ago I was like " how do you know I cut my hair" His reply " We have been taking the bus together for the last 5 months, don't you know me by now" No dude, I don't pay attention when I am on the bus - it is only use as transportation-lol. Damn, people wanting to talk and **** Ok sorry back on topic.
Nexus One Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) No dude, I don't pay attention when I am on the bus - it is only use as transportation-lol. Damn, people wanting to talk and **** I thought the exact same way until recently. During many periods/moments in my life I focused on one thing and one thing only. On those moments the most beautiful women on earth could have been presenting themselves to me and I'd tell them I'm busy studying, busy working, busy taking a bus or train. I saw only the functionality of what I was doing right NOW and hadn't allowed myself to multi-focus, I was that serious. And if I was serious about something, then there was no place for anyone else in that moment. I now realize that that was a mistake, things had to unfold the way they had to unfold, but that doesn't mean I've changed my mind regarding this. Learn from my mistake. There's room for more in those moments. Edited February 20, 2011 by Nexus One
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Learn from my mistake. There's room for more in those moments. No, my post was made in only the light of being a New Yorker, but this is something I am actively working on changing. I have been taking the active steps to improve this. I know what you are saying and like you this mind set hasn't helped much.
somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I usually have a rule, after 3 dates if he hasn't tried having sex with me I move on, it's because he's screwy then if he hasn't gotten all hot & bothered yet by that time. Very interesting post by the moon princess. A woman wants a man to quickly but not too quickly demonstrate an interest in sleeping with her. There appears to be a very small window. From what I've been figuring out, it's better for a man too push for sex too early instead of trying too late. If he tries too early, she at least knows he's into her, and she can tell him to wait. If he doesn't try after a certain amount of time, she may think that he isn't into her and then she loses all interest, and then the window is closed and locked.
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