nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I'm going to try to not make this too long of a post but was looking for some thoughts. I've been seeing a woman for the past few weeks. We are both in our early 30s. Everything has been going great. We've had three dates and all of them have been at least 4 hours long and end with us suprised how late it is and all three ended with long passionate kisses. We have talked on the phone multiple times and had long conversations. After our 2nd date she even initiated a few little texts telling me things about her day off. Our third date was on Monday night and seemed to go really well, she told me she had a lot of fun and we had a nice long kiss after I walked her to her car. I called her the next night and left a message and now it has been almost 48 hours with no call back or text. I have accepted the reality that for some reason she isn't interested any more. In the past if a woman hasn't called me back within 24 hours, I have just said oh well and forgotten about it. I can't help thinking about how great our 3 dates went though. I can not think of anything I said or did that would have changed her interest...but you never know. I guess my thoughts from the ladies is....have you ever not called a guy back after 48 hours that you were interested in? I am thinking about making one more call or text to her but it is really against my nature to do so... I can't believe I'm in my thirties and still struggling with this kind of stuff
Tayla Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 The few post you made are all starter post with no interaction with the LS folks. Seems foretelling in itself how the style is from your side. Reckon this Lady whom you had three dates with is keeping it simple and doesnt carry the impulse to be in constant contact to be secure in the relation whatever that may be. Learn to interact on post here and maybe things will flow on the dating scene as well. Its okay to have a "like" for someone and let it be at that. Its called having a friend Edited to say: Opps! forgot gender opposites cant be friends...or can they? Hmmmmmm.....
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Ok, that's a fair point...I really just started one other post and had some hectic craziness at work that kept me from getting back on this site until now... Not sure where the its ok just liking each other as friends part is coming from. Neither of us have given each other the "lets just be friends" vibe in any way. I guess my main point is just the suprise of the situation. Things seemed to be going awesome and then no call back...I'm usually pretty good at knowing when someone is not really feeling it. Almost never happens after three really good dates in my experience. Was just wandering if any women on here ever had a situation where they really liked the guy and didn't call back after a day or two.
tigressA Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Personally, there would be no way in hell I would let 2 days go by before I called a guy back if I were sufficiently interested. Who knows what this woman's deal is, though. Perhaps she's not into a lot of contact between dates. If it seems like unusual behavior from her though, like it's the first time she's waited so long to respond to you, then it seems likely that she's lost interest.
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Unfortunately, I think you are right Tigress. My instincts tell me that this is dead, it's just really disappointing because it is such a huge 180 degree turn overnight. I guess it is possible that I did or said something inadvertently that really turned her off. I've really never had something like this happen. I've had 1st dates that went well with no return call but never 3 really good dates and then no response...
Jannah Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I guess my thoughts from the ladies is....have you ever not called a guy back after 48 hours that you were interested in? Yes, but it wasn't immediately following our last date. I hadn't seen him in three weeks following our last date and he didn't seem keen on seeing one another any time soon, so I figured he was dating someone else. I mentioned as such and his reply was along the lines of that he wasn't looking for anything serious atm (which is kind of what I began to suspect anyway and led up to me asking).
PurpleReign Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think if you really felt there was chemistry, it'd probably be worth one more call. That way, you won't be wondering and you'll know.
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, I guess I will give it one more try even though I've always tried to make that a personal rule for myself not to call back if a woman doesn't return a phone call. I do know she has had some problems with a guy or two in the past that stalked her and could just be playing it safe with me a bit? Do you think I should wait another few days and just send a text or something? Everything seemed to go great and she said she had a really fun time before we kissed goodnight. The only thing I can think of is that she misinterpreted something I said or did at some point.
Jannah Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, I guess I will give it one more try even though I've always tried to make that a personal rule for myself not to call back if a woman doesn't return a phone call. I do know she has had some problems with a guy or two in the past that stalked her and could just be playing it safe with me a bit? Do you think I should wait another few days and just send a text or something? Everything seemed to go great and she said she had a really fun time before we kissed goodnight. The only thing I can think of is that she misinterpreted something I said or did at some point. She could have either misinterpreted something you said/did or she just lost interest. If you think you can walk away, without ever hearing from her again or knowing what the deal is, then walk away. If you think otherwise, then simply leave her a message if she doesn't answer saying something along the lines of "hey, I thought things were going well with us, but I haven't heard back from you in a few days since our last date, so now I am not so sure. Anyway, I would love to see you again but if I don't hear back from you then I wish you well and best of luck".
PurpleReign Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I don't think a text would be appropriate. I think you should call. If she doesn't answer, leave her a simple, light message asking her to call you back. I wouldn't leave one that mentioned her not calling back you back before, or anything of that nature. Too deep for someone you're not really in a relationship with. A message on my voice mail like that would tell me you're already bitter and would be a huge red flag. Good luck!
Jannah Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I don't think a text would be appropriate. I think you should call. If she doesn't answer, leave her a simple, light message asking her to call you back. I wouldn't leave one that mentioned her not calling back you back before, or anything of that nature. Too deep for someone you're not really in a relationship with. A message on my voice mail like that would tell me you're already bitter and would be a huge red flag. Good luck! No, bitter would be "hey, I thought things were going well with us, but I haven't heard back from you in a few days since our last date, so I guess you're not interested anymore, oh well, your loss. Anyway, if you want to go out again give me a call, if not, go jump off a bridge".
xpaperxcutx Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Three dates are enough for you to have beencomfortable enough to call her... It no longer has anything to do with who initiates, it just is. The only people who delegate communication strictly to texting are the ones who are too lazy to dial their phone and those who are not all that interested.
PurpleReign Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Three dates are enough for you to have beencomfortable enough to call her... It no longer has anything to do with who initiates, it just is. The only people who delegate communication strictly to texting are the ones who are too lazy to dial their phone and those who are not all that interested. Texting isn't personal enough.
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, I think you are right. I just wish there was a way to say...I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I really have no clue, all I know is that she hasn't called me back after showing many many signs of interest over 16+ hours of dates and communication. I guess I should really just throw in the towel and figure that any woman worth my attention would just call me back and clarify if I said or did something they didn't like. It's not like I said or did something awful (since I don't even know what it could be). I just hate to not give it one more chance since it was so good for 3 dates. She smiled everytime she left our table and came back, we kissed very passionately all three dates, she initiated contact after date 2, she told me how much fun she had with me, last weekend she offered Saturday or Sunday night to go out with me after telling me she had to work weekend days, she touched my arm 4-5 times each date when she talked to me....I'm banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what could have possiblly gone wrong. I have dated women for multiple years that didn't start off this good, I'm just at a loss at this point. I usually have a feeling it didn't go well before I call if I don't get a call back but this time I was honestly shocked. I miss dating in my 20s, it was so much more easier and cut and dry back then.
Mutant Debutante Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think if you really felt there was chemistry, it'd probably be worth one more call. That way, you won't be wondering and you'll know. I agree with this. It's just one more call, if you liked her why not? Don't give up too easily. If I like a guy I will get back in touch with him sooner than 48 hrs, but sometimes I am so busy I just shoot a text/IM, and those DO sometimes get lost ya know. Tech isn't perfect yet. I have a friend who lives in a cellular deadspot also and her cell provider kinda sucks so she is always losing vmail or getting messages a week later than they were sent. So that happens too. I think it's still worth giving her a little benefit of the doubt at this point.
PeachyPink Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Don't take this the wrong way, but you're acting a bit like a girl in her 20's. Insecure. People, especially one's over 30, have lives other than dating. 48 hours isn't a big deal.
Sharon1961 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I don't know that you necessarily did something wrong but she might be pulling back a little for her own issues. You said she has had stressful relationships before so maybe she has fear of intimacy or commitment. Even with the marathon phone calls and great dates and kisses you really haven't had a lot of time with her. It is also possible she is seeing someone else. I don't know but it does seem like you're being really insecure. I don't mean that as an insult. We have all been there. Just that I wouldn't want you to be hard on yourself. Most likely this has nothing to do with your date-a-bility. It is more likely either the chemistry fizzled for her, she's met someone else (or an ex came back??), she has issues that keep her from getting too close - or - she just got busy. In any case, after the time you have invested she does owe you more than just disappearing. Give her another couple of days maybe and maybe try one more time. But then just say good riddance if she doesn't respond.
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, after sleeping on it...I've thought about how I'm being a bit insecure about this. A bit irritated at myself that I let this situation even bother me. It's been a pretty crappy year for me on the dating front and I think I just got a little too excited about things going well for both sides (it's been a while since I really liked someone after 3-4 dates). I'll give her a call sometime next week and just say...hey would love to see you again sometime and leave it at that. I really have nothing to lose.
Sharon1961 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Yeah, after sleeping on it...I've thought about how I'm being a bit insecure about this. A bit irritated at myself that I let this situation even bother me. It's been a pretty crappy year for me on the dating front and I think I just got a little too excited about things going well for both sides (it's been a while since I really liked someone after 3-4 dates). I'll give her a call sometime next week and just say...hey would love to see you again sometime and leave it at that. I really have nothing to lose. Good for you. And, seriously, I have been where you are now. After a long dry spell someone comes along who sparks you and it can be really confusing on a lot of levels. It throws ya for a loop. But it will all work out okay. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Author nwsingleguy Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Update... So she actually called me today at lunchtime and asked me out for this weekend. I'm going to go out with her, I think posting on here has helped me though. I'm going to go out and enjoy the evening with her...whatever happens after that happens.
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