Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Ladies your overthinking it. Most "nice guys" think they are that because a woman broke up with them by saying "Your a nice guy but I can't date you". "Your too good for me". etc That's where the term "nice guy", used in a dating context, comes from.
daphne Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm not sure why CalifMan said the OP was filled with lies. The OP watched a show... so he lied about watching a show? Sounds like CalifMan is just trolling. You're just now noticing? He's an angry little troll.
irc333 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I kind of think of it this way, remember in Back to the Future where Marty changed the past, and made George McFly a bit more confident? And when Biff washing and waxing his car, and George asked him about wether or not he put 1 or 2 coats, and he said, "Now Biff, don't CON me!" And Biff fessed up? George was a nice guy, he was giving Biff his business, but yet didn't want him taking advantage of shoddy work being done on the car. Something like that. Alright i wanna just point out that the people on LS really have twisted the idea of what it means to be a nice guy. You guys say pushover, doormats, guys with no confidence or whatever other nonsense could only count as being half true. And you guys associate "jerks" as guys with confidence, manly, and etc. Again only partly true in some cases. To be a nice guy means to be someone who cares too much or get too emotionally attached to a woman too soon. As in the guys who wear their heart on their sleeves. They normally don't provide women much of a challenge when it comes to dating. They put the women on a pedestal. And as such. They get stomped on. They'll take an emotional beating in the name of love or infatuation. All to be with the women. Whether it be out of morals, or their idea of being a man. I watched a show today where a man had to watch his fiancée go on a date with her ex. he watched them kiss and reconnect. She did it in order to tell if there was sparks left because she had left over feelings for her ex. In the end they stayed together. He cried on the show but decided to forgive her right then and there because he loved her. And the host of the show called him a real man for that. Is he being a nice guy? somewhat. is he being a pushover? yes. Are they the same? no. Do you think he is a real man for forgiving and wanting to continue the relationship through thick and thin? you decide. He would do anything and endure anything to be with the women he loves. Hearing someone say that would you still call him a pushover? Most would probably say no but still call him a nice guy. I hope most of you are getting my point. Nice guys aren't necessarily chumps. They are just. Too nice. In a sense. Too safe. A nice guy is a woman's safety net relationship. But im not going into details My point is. Don't confuse nice guys with doormats. And not every guy who claims to be a nice guy is a nice guy. Thats just something you gotta remember when responding to people who claim to be a nice guy. In the end every man who thinks their a nice guy gotta ask themselves. What makes me a nice guy? Just because your a doormat. Doesn't make you a nice guy.
irc333 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Girls want sex wihin 3 dates or they dump you I don't understand.
Author Mangomonkey Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 My suggestion to you is to read through alot of these threads on the boards. Like you i was bitter about being too "nice". My flaw was that i gave too much, was naive about what a women wanted, and believed that money alone was what it mainly took to get a woman. Truth is its partly true you can get a woman like that. But it doesn't mean your get a quality woman. It all depends on what you want. A woman. or a quality woman. I learned that you gotta expect as much as you give. And i don't mean paying for dates for sex. I mean care as much for as person as they would you. Or else it won't work for the long term. The thing is its really hard to say you care for someone you just met. So for a woman it can appear kinda bogus for a guy to say i really like you for any reason other than their looks when they first met. So you can't go crazy with the gifts and dates unless you really know what kinda person your dealing with. At the very least i think so. I came to this site about 2-3 years ago bitter about many things. I never posted but i just read many of the threads. For me it got to the point where i can and will do nice things for a girl. But it will be for someone who deserves it. Not someone i just met. A girl has to win me over just as much as i gotta win her over. Cause if she thinks the world revolves around her then i step out. Or have fun with her either or. Don't gotta be bitter over being nice. Nice is a good thing. But people like to take advantage and exploit it. I can understand why you might be upset. But the real challenge is getting back up and enduring all the blows life dealt you. And trying to redirect it positively.
carhill Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Great advice, especially about the balance of care. Hindsight can be a remarkably clear, if brutal, lens.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) I think a lot of stereotypical "nice guys" also tend to be guys who don't date a lot or have a lot of opportunities to date, and because of that they tend to over think things when there is any possibility that a woman might be interested in them. They think that they have to do everything ever so perfectly (i.e. put gas in her car etc.) because otherwise she'll lose interest and/or hate them. This obviously relates to a general lack of confidence which then feeds into the doormat issue. I personally have never met anyone who uses niceness as a passive aggressive tactic, perhaps that's because I hang out with relatively normal people. This is a great point. It almost describes me perfectly. The only difference is that I already learned that there is nothing to gain from being a doormat. Also I think nice guys are "nice" because they don't know how else to act or be a challenge. This ties into them not having a lot of dating experience. It's really hard to learn what to do right when you get very few chances to practice. About jerk versus the nice guy. From what I've seen, the guys who are seen as jerks do things that the nice guy see as mean or socially inappropriate. Things like slapping a girl on her butt, talking about recent sexual experiences or doing other things that seem to make girls uncomfortable. They also are not afraid about showing interest, hiding nothing back. What these things have in common is that it shows that he has an "I don't give a f**k attitude." It's the cockiness that attracts women. Edited February 19, 2011 by somedude81
Duckduckgoose Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 A woman who doesn't want a nice man hasn't been burned by enough jerks yet.
Woggle Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 A woman who doesn't want a nice man hasn't been burned by enough jerks yet. Then by the time she is burned by enough jerks she hates men in general and any decent man that gets involved with her has to take the brunt of all that anger.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 To me the real divide is not between nice versus jerk. What's most at issue is that romance is all about "want". The so-called "nice guy" gives himself over to women. He presents no obtacle. He offers "safety". And therefore he tends to build less "want" on the part of his female quarry. His "want" is to "have" someone and to keep having her in safety. His "wants" are measured and differentiated from each other. The so-called "jerk" in the scenario does not measure his wants and isn't detached enough to draw lines around everything. He is a creature of want with short-lived "haves". He presents obstacles to women by way of his sometimes unreadible behavior. His way is risk and not caution. Romance is not about "having"--love is about "having". Romance is about the dimensions of "want"--the more we want something and find we can't have it without adventure to get it, the more in romance we are about getting it. Some women "want" security. But many also "want" the risk we call adventure. So, this is a way to explain why some women seem to prefer the so-called "jerk" or "bad boy" in the scenario. It's not because he is bad or plays by his own rules, it is because he is harder to "have" and keep "having".
Pyro Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 true. and even if she dates a nice guy she'll dump him for a jerk. I will pay you good money if you post something original.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 in the last minute ten more nice guys were dumped for jerks. orginial? instead of crying about it, you could do some research on here and read some threads that relate to you and your issues on why you are having troubles with women.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Girls want jerks and bad boys If that were true, you'd be married.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Could it be that many of you are very young and the women you are after are simply immature. People are driven by instincts tempered by experience. The immature woman is driven by instinct to certain kinds of men weather they are really the best choices or not due to their lack of experience. Most of you guys just need to sit back, relax, be yourselves and eventually you'll find a quality woman.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Could it be that many of you are very young and the women you are after are simply immature. People are driven by instincts tempered by experience. The immature woman is driven by instinct to certain kinds of men weather they are really the best choices or not due to their lack of experience. Most of you guys just need to sit back, relax, be yourselves and eventually you'll find a quality woman. Solid advice right here.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) When is "eventually," whose going to be the "quality" woman? I'll be 30 this year. The last thing I want is to wait 5 more years then end up dating a divorced mother of two as my first girlfriend. Sure she might be a wonderful woman, but it's still a very bad situation for somebody who has no relationship experience. Edited February 19, 2011 by somedude81
carhill Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Hey, typical good man Saturday morning here. Got up early and changed a bunch of locksets and now I'm baking cookies. I hope that's relaxed enough.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 When is "eventually," whose going to be the "quality" woman? I'll be 30 this year. The last thing I want is to wait 5 more years then end up dating a divorced mother of two as my first girlfriend. Sure she might be a wonderful woman, but it's still a very bad situation for somebody who has no relationship experience. Not necessarily. When your 35 you could end up with a 25 year old fresh out of college and grad school with the mental maturity of a 30 year old. Eventually could be tomorrow...or five years from now. You just have to sort of let it happen.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Hey, typical good man Saturday morning here. Got up early and changed a bunch of locksets and now I'm baking cookies. I hope that's relaxed enough. The trick would be finding a way to share the fact that you do such things with a woman who wouldn't mind doing them with you.
carhill Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'll send out a carrier pigeon with a message. Cookies at the carhill ranch. The squirrels are already at the back door. That a woman doesn't notice and/or respond favorably is now a part of my past. Freedom is a pretty cool thing. I will keep an eye out for that balanced lady though. Never know. She might break down out here and need a hand.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Then by the time she is burned by enough jerks she hates men in general and any decent man that gets involved with her has to take the brunt of all that anger. Not necessarily true. I have 100% full intentions of being honest with my next bf/spouse and not taking out any anger from what my stbxH did on him. After all they are the same gender, not the same person. Hell I didn't take out what my past bfs had done to me on my stbxH. If a woman has anger at all men for what some men did (and vice versa with men getting burnt) then it's a personal problem they need to work through before they date.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Believe me, I feel your pain somedude. I'll be 29 this year. I sort of feel helpless, because I'm still attracted to 18-19 year olds, at least physically, despite not having anything in common with them. But then again, I have nothing in common with women my own age, either.
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