Mangomonkey Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) Alright i wanna just point out that the people on LS really have twisted the idea of what it means to be a nice guy. You guys say pushover, doormats, guys with no confidence or whatever other nonsense could only count as being half true. And you guys associate "jerks" as guys with confidence, manly, and etc. Again only partly true in some cases. To be a nice guy means to be someone who cares too much or get too emotionally attached to a woman too soon. As in the guys who wear their heart on their sleeves. They normally don't provide women much of a challenge when it comes to dating. They put the women on a pedestal. And as such. They get stomped on. They'll take an emotional beating in the name of love or infatuation. All to be with the women. Whether it be out of morals, or their idea of being a man. I watched a show today where a man had to watch his fiancée go on a date with her ex. he watched them kiss and reconnect. She did it in order to tell if there was sparks left because she had left over feelings for her ex. In the end they stayed together. He cried on the show but decided to forgive her right then and there because he loved her. And the host of the show called him a real man for that. Is he being a nice guy? somewhat. is he being a pushover? yes. Are they the same? no. Do you think he is a real man for forgiving and wanting to continue the relationship through thick and thin? you decide. He would do anything and endure anything to be with the women he loves. Hearing someone say that would you still call him a pushover? Most would probably say no but still call him a nice guy. I hope most of you are getting my point. Nice guys aren't necessarily chumps. They are just. Too nice. In a sense. Too safe. A nice guy is a woman's safety net relationship. But im not going into details My point is. Don't confuse nice guys with doormats. And not every guy who claims to be a nice guy is a nice guy. Thats just something you gotta remember when responding to people who claim to be a nice guy. In the end every man who thinks their a nice guy gotta ask themselves. What makes me a nice guy? Just because your a doormat. Doesn't make you a nice guy. Edited February 18, 2011 by Mangomonkey
Ay Diesel T Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Guy sounds like an idiot. I'm sure his fiance is boning other men.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 It doesnt matter what YOU define as a nice guy, but when a woman calls you a nice guy, their definition is undatable. So if you want to stay undatable, you can be called a nice guy. Anyone calls me a nice guy, I tell them to F*ck off.
nwsingleguy Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think you make a good point. To me being a good human being in general is being a nice guy. Doing anything a pretty girl says and being a doormat to her because she is pretty is not being a nice guy. Ultimately their are plenty of very attractive people that are spoiled and self centered. Women aren't the only one's that fall for jerks. The key is to be a decent human being with boundries on what you are willing to put up with as acceptable treatment from others, that is when you are truly a nice guy.
alexandria35 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I agree with every word Mangomonkey. I have heard the 'all women actually want to be with jerks' line more times then I care to remember. However usually the guys saying this are simply deluded as to what makes a nice guy, a nice guy. First of all there is nothing all that remarkable about being "nice". Anyone can do it, being nice is simply being non offensive and behaving in a socially acceptable way. Secondly women like kind men not nice guys. There is an important difference between the two. A kind man is truly caring compassionate loving being. A nice guy can be the most manipulative coniving passive agressive person on the planet. Women like men who are in charge of their own lives and who can speak their minds and say what they want. How many nice guys put themselves at a woman's beck and call but are never honest enough to come out and say what their expectations are. They will bend over backwards doing all kinds of favors for her (often unsolicited) and then sulk when they don't get the desired results. Like she is just supposed to fall in love with you (general you) because you put gas in her car. Of course when people are falling in love or are in love they will do nice things for each other, but we don't generally love people simply based on what they do for us. So behaving as a doormat, living at someone else's beck and call, not only doesn't work, it's manipulative and it's not attractive. Most men also won't fall in love with a woman simply because she is trying the hardest to please him. Different men look for different things. Some appreciate a woman with an education, some like active athletic women, some won't date a woman who doesn't have a great sense of humor, some like shy girls, some like boisterous outgoing women, etc etc...Why can't women also have these same preferences? Why does a man think that if he is simply nice to a woman she owes it to him to fall in love with him? Like all she should want in a mate is someone who will change her flat tire. Women are people with likes, dislikes, preferences and priorites just like men. To say a woman should fall all over a guy simply because he behaves nice towards her really diminishes the woman as an individual. Dogs willl generally love whoever cares for them, but people are a little more complicated than that. I am not a nice girl, I am a kind person. I enjoy giving to those I love but I won't do so to my detriment. I have my own life, my own interests, my own activities. When I carry out an act of kindness towards someone I usually have no expectations from it. I simply want to make someones day a little better or their life a little easier in the moment. If I find myself doing things for someone in the hopes of getting some expectation of my own met, I will take a step back and deal with those feelings myself, because I understand that doing that is not being honest and upfront. It's being manipulative and underhanded. I say "nice guys" need to stop the act and get honest about what they want and then go after that. If you feel attracted to a woman, ask her out. If after a few dates she is obviously not heating up to you, cut her loose. And then get over it and move on. There could be any number of reasons that she wasn't into you and it wasn't likely because she only likes jerks. Obviously we don't spark with everyone we meet. It's there or it's not, so don't decide to throw yourself at a woman who clearly isn't interested, find a woman who is.
aerogurl87 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 My boyfriend is a nice guy who can put me in my place when he needs to (that is so damn sexy ) He's not a doormat or a pushover. But he is a gentleman who knows how to play his role in our relationship the right way, while he lets me play mine. I trust him and respect him, while he does the same for me. I'd take him over any "jerk" or "charismatic wannabe James Bond" any day.
Author Mangomonkey Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 To alex You expressed the words i wasn't able to say. thank you. Anyone who don't really understand my post. read her reply. And there you have it folks A true nice meaning of a nice guy. Just a decent person. At least i think so.
Woggle Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 That guy is an idiot. I am a nice guy if a person deserves but try to abuse or exploit that niceness and they will learn it was the wrong idea.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I think a lot of stereotypical "nice guys" also tend to be guys who don't date a lot or have a lot of opportunities to date, and because of that they tend to over think things when there is any possibility that a woman might be interested in them. They think that they have to do everything ever so perfectly (i.e. put gas in her car etc.) because otherwise she'll lose interest and/or hate them. This obviously relates to a general lack of confidence which then feeds into the doormat issue. I personally have never met anyone who uses niceness as a passive aggressive tactic, perhaps that's because I hang out with relatively normal people.
zengirl Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 The issue isn't niceness. It's that if the best word a woman (or man) can give you is "nice," they really aren't that into you. "Nice" is just a weak adjective.
bayouboi Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 The guy in the OP's example sounds pathetic. He just gave that broad a green light to try and reconnect/connect with anyone just to see if she has sparks for them knowing she can always go back to this chump when things don't work out.
musemaj11 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I'm not a nice guy. I'm a good guy. I will not carry your stuff if u can carry it yourself. But I will do all I can if u r truly in need of help. That's the difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Nice guys don't have principles. Good guys do.
waynebrady Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 To be a nice guy means to be someone who cares too much or get too emotionally attached to a woman too soon. As in the guys who wear their heart on their sleeves. They normally don't provide women much of a challenge when it comes to dating. They put the women on a pedestal. And as such. They get stomped on. They'll take an emotional beating in the name of love or infatuation. All to be with the women. Whether it be out of morals, or their idea of being a man. Isn't that how it usually is anyway?
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Isn't that how it usually is anyway? No. In a real normal relationship the woman gives as much as the man. There are two kinds of people who are called "nice guys". One is people who are what's called "codependant". That is the unhealthy version of being "nice". Such men are clingy and smother a woman. If a man is "nice" like the above...a smotherer...then something is wrong with him. The other is men who are just plain good and decent. The one thing I read in my Eharmony profile that rang very true is "Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light." If a man is accused of being "nice" by just such a selfish person. Then there's nothing wrong with him and everything wrong with the woman. Which one are you Wayne?
waynebrady Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 No. In a real normal relationship the woman gives as much as the man. There are two kinds of people who are called "nice guys". One is people who are what's called "codependant". That is the unhealthy version of being "nice". Such men are clingy and smother a woman. If a man is "nice" like the above...a smotherer...then something is wrong with him. The other is men who are just plain good and decent. The one thing I read in my Eharmony profile that rang very true is "Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light." If a man is accused of being "nice" by just such a selfish person. Then there's nothing wrong with him and everything wrong with the woman. Which one are you Wayne? Since I haven't been in a relationship before(im only 18) so I'm not sure. I doub't I'd be the clingy one... The decent one maybe I don't know, People on here might think I am as bitter in real life as in here, not the case, I behave pretty much like any normal guy does. I'm not sure if that makes me a good and decent guy. I've never treated a woman badly, I always treat women with respect and I'm always reasonably kind to everyone I meet, man or woman. I'm neither clingy or "good and decent"... just normal.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Wayne. When your are older and a better judge of character you'll see... that much of the time... it's not a guy being too nice that's the issue. The problem is the woman not being (or feeling that they) are nice enough for the guy. Another thing that helps when rejected a dumped is to remember the other persons faults. They have no ability to determine that you are undateable. Tomorrow is a weekend. I want you to go up to one mildly interesting woman and just talk to her. Just practice talking to strange women. Try to make them laugh. Then walk away. Don't pressure your self to date them.
Author Mangomonkey Posted February 19, 2011 Author Posted February 19, 2011 Instead of just disagreeing. Can you explain why? and break it down. Love to hear other folks opinions.
alexandria35 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Instead of just disagreeing. Can you explain why? and break it down. Love to hear other folks opinions. Yeah me too! Califman I'm not sure you caught the gist of my post. I'm not criticizing people for being nice so much as I'm criticizing people who use the nice act as a means to manipulate another person. As I said there is a difference between kind men and "nice guys". I'm curious to know which part or parts of my post offended you?
fishtaco Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 I'm not sure why CalifMan said the OP was filled with lies. The OP watched a show... so he lied about watching a show? Sounds like CalifMan is just trolling.
Bj099235 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Being a doormat is unfortunate, but I don't think that means you're a bad person.
Eeyore79 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Nice men are great, and niceness is a prerequisite for a good relationship, but niceness alone isn't enough. A guy also needs to be fun, interesting, enthusiastic about something in his life, compatible, with shared values and goals, physically attractive to you in some way, etc. Some guys assume that niceness alone is enough for a girl to want to date them, but in fact there really needs to be a deeper compatibility than just niceness. The problem is, women will often ignore a lack of niceness in order to date a guy who is compatible/attractive in other ways (hence how women end up dating asses), but they won't ignore a lack of compatibility/attractiveness in order to date someone who is nice. Thus it appears that women want to date asses, when really they don't! They want to date someone who is attractive and compatible, and they often ignore a lack of niceness in order to do so, but they would still prefer a guy to be nice as well. As women mature and get more sense, they realize it's stupid to date an attractive man if he isn't also nice (though some women never attain this realization and keep getting crapped on their whole lives by attractive but not-nice men).
zengirl Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Nice men are great, and niceness is a prerequisite for a good relationship, but niceness alone isn't enough. A guy also needs to be fun, interesting, enthusiastic about something in his life, compatible, with shared values and goals, physically attractive to you in some way, etc. Some guys assume that niceness alone is enough for a girl to want to date them, but in fact there really needs to be a deeper compatibility than just niceness. The problem is, women will often ignore a lack of niceness in order to date a guy who is compatible/attractive in other ways (hence how women end up dating asses), but they won't ignore a lack of compatibility/attractiveness in order to date someone who is nice. Thus it appears that women want to date asses, when really they don't! They want to date someone who is attractive and compatible, and they often ignore a lack of niceness in order to do so, but they would still prefer a guy to be nice as well. As women mature and get more sense, they realize it's stupid to date an attractive man if he isn't also nice (though some women never attain this realization and keep getting crapped on their whole lives by attractive but not-nice men). A good point. Also, niceness is subjective. I see many people who claim to be nice but are weighted down by bitterness or defensive issues. To me, that's not really all that nice. Or they claim to be nice, but what they really mean is they do (little to) no harm. That's more a lack of meanness than any positive trait. It's neutral. Plenty of people claim to be nice who I don't think are particularly nice, kind, or good above average. What they generally mean is they're usually pretty peaceable and not terribly mean. Okay, great, you don't go around kicking puppies, but by wanting a medal for it, you kind of seem petty. People who while about how being "nice" doesn't get them anywhere are kind of missing the point of kindness and niceness, is all I'm saying. If you think the point is to get you somewhere, you aren't really nice. Not that I'm against self-interest in general, but don't confuse it with something it isn't.
SunsetRed Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Some guys think they are nice just because they aren't beating you, using you, screwing around on you or insulting you. They think that just because they can offer you monogamy, they are nice. These are the guys that guilt you into thinking you owe them something just because they didn't abuse you. They are emotional vampires who want to leech on to someone and they are using their "nice guy" tactics to serve their own need. I've had several guys get angry because I didn't become their cling on gf after having a few "nice" dates. This isn't nice. A true nice guy respects the decisions you make for yourself and allows you to decide what your needs are in that relationship, even if your need is to not be in that relationship at all.
Eeyore79 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 My point is that guys think niceness alone should be enough for a woman to date them, and it really isn't. They see jerks getting all the action while they're not getting any, and they make the usual complaint that women only like jerks. In fact, the truth is this: Women like attractive men. These men may be nice guys or jerks, but they're all attractive. Don't fool yourself that nice guys never get any action; nice guys who are also attractive get plenty of action. So do jerks who are attractive. Pretty much anyone who is attractive gets some action, whether they're nice or not. If you're nice and aren't getting any action, the problem is not that you're nice, it's that you're not attractive to women. Fortunately, to a certain extent this lack of attractiveness is something that can be fixed, by polishing up your appearance and (probably more so) by making your personality more confident and interesting.
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