iheartsuki Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 i just posted a long post - specifically about my relationship - but i'm wondering, more generally, what is and is not ok regarding friends while you're in a serious relationship? is it ok to pursue members of the opposite sex as friends? or let them pursue you as a friend? and what about people you know you might be inclined to date/pursue romantically if you were NOT w/ you current so? specifically, people who have come along AFTER you met and started seriously dating your so? is it ok to pursue THEM as friends, or should they be avoided out of respect to the other person? i really would like to know what you all think....
jadedone Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 Someone in a relationship should not pursue new friendships with the opposite sex. if you had an opposite sex friend from before the relationship that is different, but should minimize spending time with that friend alone.
PegNosePete Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 You should not "pursue" friendships at all. Friendships should develop naturally. If you are pursuing someone then it is not friendship that you're interested in.
ver13 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 i just posted a long post - specifically about my relationship - but i'm wondering, more generally, what is and is not ok regarding friends while you're in a serious relationship? is it ok to pursue members of the opposite sex as friends? or let them pursue you as a friend? and what about people you know you might be inclined to date/pursue romantically if you were NOT w/ you current so? specifically, people who have come along AFTER you met and started seriously dating your so? is it ok to pursue THEM as friends, or should they be avoided out of respect to the other person? i really would like to know what you all think.... Do you want your NU lover to be out there doing the samething? I mean if it's okay with you that he or she is pursuing other people for whatever reason. Then it shouldn't be a problem for you to tell them what you are up to right, you want an honest relationship right? Based off a solid comment to each other right?
Analeigh Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 In the past, I would have said that it was fine. But in my current relationship this has happened, and I have been fairly quick to cut it off at the knees. Male work friends have invited me out outside of work (they know I have a BF, and they know him marginally) and I will turn them down because my boyfriend and I agree that it's best not to have new friendships with members of the opposite sex. My existing male friends that I have known for years, I will go out to lunch with or meet up with in very non-date situations. No dinners alone together, no movies in the dark, nothing that could be misconstrued. It works for all of us, as my boyfriend and I are comfortable, any outsiders don't start gossip, and the friends don't get the wrong idea.
trippi1432 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Someone in a relationship should not pursue new friendships with the opposite sex. if you had an opposite sex friend from before the relationship that is different, but should minimize spending time with that friend alone. You should not "pursue" friendships at all. Friendships should develop naturally. If you are pursuing someone then it is not friendship that you're interested in. I agree with this on both counts. If you are in a romantic, physical and emotional relationship with someone, but want to "actively pursue" any type of relationship (or hide it as friendship) with someone of the opposite sex then you are not being honest to yourself or your romantic partner. Essentially, it can be looked on as the beginning stages of a cheater or playing with someone's emotions. If you are no longer interested, or as interested, in your romantic partner and want to play the field...then by all means, be honest and tell them. Don't string them along or keep them as a "backup plan"....because eventually that is what they are going to see it as...even if it wasn't the intent in your mind. Just read your other post...and yes, your BF needs to quit playing games with your affections....I hate the jealousy game...good luck. Edited February 20, 2011 by trippi1432
spackle Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Someone in a relationship should not pursue new friendships with the opposite sex. if you had an opposite sex friend from before the relationship that is different, but should minimize spending time with that friend alone. the use of the word pursue worries me a little, if you make new friends through shared social activities, work etc that is fine but I would want to know how close a friend they are or were. This is my dumbass situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264882/ It could be 100% harmless and he now thinks of me purely as a friend and nothing more but I can't shake the feeling that it's wrong. If I met a new guy that had a gf and he looked to be making friends with me I wouldn't think he was up to no good because if he's got a SO - for me - that means you don't play there.
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