valdeetz1 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 So here I am, 8 weeks into the BU of a near on and off 8 yr relationship- 6.5 years this last time. I'm NC for 7 weeks, doing good, all that jazz. Driving to work this morning I hear a band I like is going to be playing in a club near here next Saturday. I've been a homebody or mooching on friends the last few weeks- and its been awhile since I saw them (2007). I think- cool, I can go to this. Well I'm calling around asking friends if they wanna go and find out that my ex is going with his new gf- the one he left me for. So now I'm debating. I know the place is big, chances are slim we'll see eachother- but I also know I have Irish luck and it WILL happen. I'm that cursed. And I'm not sure how I will react to them at all- let alone with booze in me. I personally feel this new relationship is a sham and she's sucking him dry to toss him out- and he deserves it for what he did to me. I still love him, but I'm not sure...like I havent felt bad, but the thought of seeing them- actually seeing them together made my heart ache for the first time in a month. So...too soon? Or should I say to hell with it and go anyway- they arent controlling my life. I could see them and ignore them- but...I dont know if that girl will have the sense to not speak to me. That is what worries me. Advice?
Rose T Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 It's a tough one. I do think, you shouldn't live your life around your ex, but seeing him and her there would be awful, I imagine. By the way Valdeetz, you can tell us - - did you have any idea your ex might want to go to the concert too, hence your ringing round friends? Were you kind of hoping you might see him there? I say, if you had no thought of him and just really want to go to see this band, then go for it. If it was at all motivated by him, maybe you're going to get hurt. If you do go, try and get a good group around you, look hot and go to enjoy yourself. If you're looking over your shoulder all night that wouldn't be so much fun.
Author valdeetz1 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 In all honesty I didn't think about it until I was thinking of who to go with- because we have mutual interests, but I figured with them having moved in together so far away they wouldnt go since one of them works the next day- as far as I know. The last time I went the ex didnt go with- he was out of town. So I texted a mutual friend to see who he was going with- I figured if he was going it would be with them.( so yes I was ringing THOSE friends for that reason) He was going, but not with them. I was like- ok cool, then I can go- then I get another text back saying they were also going- just not with him. He knew what I was beating around the bush for. So actually I really just wanted to go see Saving Abel and Hinder at this place <3 but the moment I thought it would be fun to go I also knew there was a chance he would be there too. It was kind of like: Oh that will be epic- I can totally go and...oh snap I bet he'll be there with her -_- And thats the thing- I dont want to be looking over my shoulder all night. But I think if I get the right friends to come I wont worry about it. But then again who knows. Tis why I have petitioned LS for advice.
D78 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 ...So...too soon? Or should I say to hell with it and go anyway- they arent controlling my life. I could see them and ignore them- but...I dont know if that girl will have the sense to not speak to me. That is what worries me. Advice? If seeing them together makes your heart ache, I wouldn't risk it. If his new girlfriend is going to talk to you, is there a chance you might lose your cool or do something embarrassing? I went to see my ex's friend's band play on New Years. I was pretty sure he wouldn't be there, but there was a chance. The show was awesome, and he wasn't there. Here's what I did to decide if I should go: I imagined him making out with some really awesome girl. Then, I imagined him making out with some really not so awesome girl. When neither one of those images made me cry, I decided I could go. That also made me realize I didn't really care if he was making out with whatever kind of girl. He wasn't with me, so why should I care...?
Author valdeetz1 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 If seeing them together makes your heart ache, I wouldn't risk it. If his new girlfriend is going to talk to you, is there a chance you might lose your cool or do something embarrassing? I went to see my ex's friend's band play on New Years. I was pretty sure he wouldn't be there, but there was a chance. The show was awesome, and he wasn't there. Here's what I did to decide if I should go: I imagined him making out with some really awesome girl. Then, I imagined him making out with some really not so awesome girl. When neither one of those images made me cry, I decided I could go. That also made me realize I didn't really care if he was making out with whatever kind of girl. He wasn't with me, so why should I care...? I'm fairly sure the response I would give the witch is that if she doesnt cease speaking to me and avoid me the rest of the night we will both be spending Sunday morning in jail. This is a girl I've known for 3 years, who was dating my ex's brother for 2.5 years and was my 'friend' That might give you an idea why I'm apprehensive that she might go out of her way to talk to me. It's not so much them being togehter. I can flat out tell you what will happen- she will remain purpsefully in my view of vision, hanging all over him whilst he remains blissfully unaware. My GF says we should go, to hell with them, and bring dates for distractions. IDK guys- its just rough. the situation sucks all the ay around, but knowing what and WHOM I'm dealing with makes it worse. Immaturity is such a downer. And I just dont want to deal with her BS- but at the same time I dont want to not go because of her >.<
Whimsical_Ninja Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I can tell you right now that you're not going to be enjoying that band - you're going to be thinking about them whether you see them or not. If you're posting about it at this kind of length, for sure it's going to be dominating your mind the night that you go. I've been there! I say find a different band to go see, one you can enjoy free and clear. Getting out is good, getting out where there is no shadow of your ex lurking around is even better! That's just my take
D78 Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Yeah, I agree with Whimsical_Ninja. Don't go. I respect the "you don't control me" message that you want to send. If you go to the show to send the message, you're letting them control you. You should go somewhere they would never go, and send yourself the message that they don't control you. It will mean much more to you than it will to them. You should stay as far away from them as possible. It's all unnecessary drama that you should avoid, so you can focus on healing and getting your 'awesome' back
EmperorR Posted February 19, 2011 Posted February 19, 2011 Its not worth it, setbacks suck continue on
Recommended Posts