murah989 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I recently decided to give my profile another go on Okcupid. Yet, I'm starting to get down in the dumps again over who responds/ doesn't respond to my messages. It's just frustrating, because I'll write a decent message trying to get a conversation going, or just winging it and being fun, yet they won't even bother to look at my profile....I just get ignored completely. Perhaps it's my profile image?? I read another thread on here about women who receive hundreds of messages on online dating sites. Am I just losing out to more attractive people? Or are they just too busy or overwhelmed to respond to me. I've even messages people who live super far away from me, just to talk and get to know one another...apparently I'm not even good enough to be friends with?? Feels bad man.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I recently decided to give my profile another go on Okcupid. Yet, I'm starting to get down in the dumps again over who responds/ doesn't respond to my messages. It's just frustrating, because I'll write a decent message trying to get a conversation going, or just winging it and being fun, yet they won't even bother to look at my profile....I just get ignored completely. Perhaps it's my profile image?? I read another thread on here about women who receive hundreds of messages on online dating sites. Am I just losing out to more attractive people? Or are they just too busy or overwhelmed to respond to me. I've even messages people who live super far away from me, just to talk and get to know one another...apparently I'm not even good enough to be friends with?? Feels bad man. Who's to say it has anything to do with you? There are 100 reasons why a woman didn't respond that have nothing to do with you. Maybe she doesn't check her messages. Maybe she is currently seeing someone that she likes. Maybe she just created a profile because her friends pushed her to. Maybe she created her profile just to browse Maybe she's nervous about talking to someone online Maybe she created a profile, but met a guy at work and is going out with him now Maybe she just like the funny questions to answer on the website. Maybe she just had a bad date experience with a guy and she's giving it a rest. Maybe she created the profile to get back at her boyfriend/or thought her relationship was going south but things worked out and they're back together. There's a million possible reasons that have nothing to do with you. It's all about catching a girl at the right time, and all you can do is keep trying. Try to focus on girls that are a good match for you based on their profile, don't just email every pretty face you can find.
Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I recently decided to give my profile another go on Okcupid. Yet, I'm starting to get down in the dumps again over who responds/ doesn't respond to my messages. It's just frustrating, because I'll write a decent message trying to get a conversation going, or just winging it and being fun, yet they won't even bother to look at my profile....I just get ignored completely. Perhaps it's my profile image?? I read another thread on here about women who receive hundreds of messages on online dating sites. Am I just losing out to more attractive people? Or are they just too busy or overwhelmed to respond to me. I've even messages people who live super far away from me, just to talk and get to know one another...apparently I'm not even good enough to be friends with?? Feels bad man.I'll go with overwhelmed. I had a profile with no picture and no information other than that I was a girl. I was swamped with responses. I have no clue why people would have written a blank page. But anyway, put a pic and some info with that and you get even more. There are tons of guys who I thought were wonderful. Nothing wrong with them at all but I didn't have the time to give them the attention they deserved. And besides being overwhelmed there are lots of other reason as GivenUp pointed out. So please don't let it make you feel bad. Keep trying and good luck.
sally4sara Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I'm sure some of them do refrain from responding because they: don't find you attractive don't like something you said in your profile perhaps your age or location knocks you out of the running And to that end - do you want them to respond telling you what it is they nixed you over? What would be gained in hearing their reasoning? Its not like you can do much about what they find attractive or being out of their preferred age range, it wouldn't be sincere if you appealed by saying your views are not firm on whatever they didn't like, and its not as if you're going to move just so they will reconsider you. I'd just take a lack of response as a lack of interest and look elsewhere. Besides, online dating doesn't give men much benefit. It has little room for you to signal to women in the way they respond to best. You become a menu item or a rack of shoes. Ever gone shoe shopping with a woman? Takes FOREVER and she might well leave the shoe store with nothing. Online dating works best for women because it caters to the male tendency for visual stimulation. One of my friends made a profile last year after her break up. She showed me what she gets messaged with and it was painfully obvious that many men don't even read the profiles. They simply see a pic they like and start typing their pitch. But her? She will see a pic she likes and read over the profile. The slightest hint of incompatibility and the guy gets passed over. But I firmly believe that the same guy could run into her in public and perhaps impress her in a way his profile will just never achieve. He could even impress her in a way that makes her overlook things that his profile would have her nixing.
Leeway Harris Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 It's just frustrating, because I'll write a decent message trying to get a conversation going, or just winging it and being fun, yet they won't even bother to look at my profile....I just get ignored completely. Perhaps it's my profile image?? I read another thread on here about women who receive hundreds of messages on online dating sites. Am I just losing out to more attractive people? Or are they just too busy or overwhelmed to respond to me. The thing is, you'll never know. You can experiment, tweak your profile, shuffle your images, but that's probably more trouble than it will be worth. And apart from that, there's not really anything you can do to increase your response rate. You can either get used to it and not let it bother you, or give up on the whole online dating thing altogether. Personally, I opted out of it, I'm just not cut out for OkCupid. But everybody's different.
irc333 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yeah, usually that's when I strike when the iron's hot when a NEW woman JUST joins a dating site, I typically have more success with new people. Though afterwards, they take their ad off, and they even tell me they get overwhelmed, so they give up on online dating for that reason. I'll go with overwhelmed. I had a profile with no picture and no information other than that I was a girl. I was swamped with responses. I have no clue why people would have written a blank page. But anyway, put a pic and some info with that and you get even more. There are tons of guys who I thought were wonderful. Nothing wrong with them at all but I didn't have the time to give them the attention they deserved. And besides being overwhelmed there are lots of other reason as GivenUp pointed out. So please don't let it make you feel bad. Keep trying and good luck.
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yup, as the ladies above have alluded to; online dating is a joke for men. Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack then there really isn't any point in trying.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 The thing is, you'll never know. You can experiment, tweak your profile, shuffle your images, but that's probably more trouble than it will be worth. And apart from that, there's not really anything you can do to increase your response rate. You can either get used to it and not let it bother you, or give up on the whole online dating thing altogether. Online dating for guys that are just below "better than average" lookswise are wasting their time online. Its useless because everyone only looks at the pictures first. You have a much better chance with the same women in person. You have to go places and talk to these women in person because the initial meetup is out of the way immediatly, and if youre a great personality you'll get alot further faster than anyone would online.
oaks Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I recently decided to give my profile another go on Okcupid. Yet, I'm starting to get down in the dumps again over who responds/ doesn't respond to my messages. Change your frame of mind to one where you assume they won't respond. You still need to be respectful and positive in what you write, but if you assume that the chances of them responding are slim to none in the first place then you'll be happy when you get a reply rather than sad when you don't.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yup, as the ladies above have alluded to; online dating is a joke for men. Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack then there really isn't any point in trying. Lol it's funny that you said this, cause when I wear my lab coat around Public, women give me WAAAAAAAY more green lights rather than say, me in a hanes t-shirt. Wow, bunch of gold diggers. Women suck.
creighton0123 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Try responding to the women who view your profile only. If you don't mind sharing, what is one kind of message that you would send as a first contact?
Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Lol it's funny that you said this, cause when I wear my lab coat around Public, women give me WAAAAAAAY more green lights rather than say, me in a hanes t-shirt. Wow, bunch of gold diggers. Women suck.Only if you're lucky.
SmileFace Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yup, as the ladies above have alluded to; online dating is a joke for men. Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames then there really isn't any point in trying. :lmao:
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Yup, as the ladies above have alluded to; online dating is a joke for men. Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames then there really isn't any point in trying. :lmao: lol though near flames? How about Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames wearing a fireman hat then there really isn't any point in trying.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 lol though near flames? How about Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames wearing a fireman hat with a fire hose in between your legs shooting out 100 dollar bills then there really isn't any point in trying. Oh, I fixed it for you.
SmileFace Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) lol though near flames? How about Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames wearing a fireman hat with a black visa card in one hand and a puppy in the next then there really isn't any point in trying.. A hose will be too flashy NO, I fixed it for you. :lmao: Edited February 17, 2011 by SmileFace
Ay Diesel T Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Only if you're lucky. There's nothing better than good face time from a lovely woman.
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 A hose will be too flashy Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack and standing in front of a sports car near flames wearing a fireman hat with a black visa card in one hand and a puppy in the next then there really isn't any point in trying. :lmao: Awesome, don't forget that the puppy has to be covered in soot. Cause you know, he just rescued it
SmileFace Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Awesome, don't forget that the puppy has to be covered in soot. Cause you know, he just rescued it HAHAHA! I am really tempted to start the female version to this! haha but this thread has gone off topic for too long.lol
sumdude Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) Unless you're a doctor and your picture is you posing with your lab coat open that reveals your six-pack while standing in front of a sports car near flames wearing a fireman hat with a black visa card in one hand, a puppy covered in soot in the other next to a giant fountain in Rome then there really isn't any point in trying. Let's keep 'em coming..lol OP, online dating is a numbers game. For about every 20 - 100 messages you send you might get a reply or two. That's just how it is. It's why so many guys either give up, photo shop their pics, lie about height or go with the copy paste e-mails. Who has the time to write 100 individually tailored messages? Edited February 17, 2011 by sumdude
Author murah989 Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 lol, this thread is entertaining... What really is the issue with me is that I'd understand if they looked at my profile, THEN decided I wasn't for them. But I'm running into the issue where I'll send a message, and they won't even bother to read my profile. I'm not going to get into the " Oh I'm soooo attractive, lawlz, I got six pack abs lollol", I would just appreciate they at least see what I'm all about. I'm confidant enough in myself to know that I'm a good guy, and that I have a lot to offer. I've had successes in the past...I guess after creating then deleting so many profiles, all the women on OKC have seen me and are bored lol.
SmileFace Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Let's keep 'em coming..lol OP, online dating is a numbers game. For about every 20 - 100 messages you send you might get a reply or two. That's just how it is. It's why so many guys either give up, photo shop their pics, lie about height or go with the copy paste e-mails. Who has the time to write 100 individually tailored messages? See , this is why I reply to guys who send me generated messages. Who in their right mind has time to actually send 100 individual messages. I am pretty ok with a simple "Hi,how are you". I don't think it nice that females write guys off so fast online , with out taking into consideration about all the work they do. I can easily come to LS and complain about not having a date. But how can I really do that when I am not actively trying? Yes, I have a dating profile but I barely write guys. No not because I can't find anyone interesting but I don't have the balls too. Don't worry I have no problem admitting that. However, I did write a guy two nights ago but I just told him I thought he was cute and wished him good luck since his profile said he was not looking for a relationship and I am . He wrote me back and told me he wasn't aware of his profile stating that . I found it weird as well - since his profile summary was very detailed and portrayed someone who was looking for a relationship. Anyway - moral of the story. Females a little initiation is good.
mo mo Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 See , this is why I reply to guys who send me generated messages. Who in their right mind has time to actually send 100 individual messages. I am pretty ok with a simple "Hi,how are you". I don't think it nice that females write guys off so fast online , with out taking into consideration about all the work they do. I can easily come to LS and complain about not having a date. But how can I really do that when I am not actively trying? Yes, I have a dating profile but I barely write guys. No not because I can't find anyone interesting but I don't have the balls too. Don't worry I have no problem admitting that. However, I did write a guy two nights ago but I just told him I thought he was cute and wished him good luck since his profile said he was not looking for a relationship and I am . He wrote me back and told me he wasn't aware of his profile stating that . I found it weird as well - since his profile summary was very detailed and portrayed someone who was looking for a relationship. Anyway - moral of the story. Females a little initiation is good. If you had balls I'd have to re-evaluate our relationship....
SmileFace Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 If you had balls I'd have to re-evaluate our relationship.... Well.................. I guess you need to re-evaluate opps
mo mo Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Well.................. I guess you need to re-evaluate opps I'm still pitching and you're still catching
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