Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I had a good friend over 20 years ago. Lots of flirting and attraction, but never got together. We broke contact about 15 years ago when our respective spouses objected to the relationship. We both moved away and now live on separate sides of the country. When my husband died, this friend got back in touch with me. He called me every single day for 3 months and listened to me cry for hours and hours. He talked to me until I would fall asleep every night. I honestly think he saved my life. His wife had just left him so he was sad and lonely too. I came to depend on him. Then his wife came back. He wanted to try with her, so we broke contact again. It was really, really hard for me as I was a mess and needed him. But I got over it and I think I became stronger because I didn't have that crutch anymore. Then his wife left him again, and he came back. That was great, but I wasn't willing to use him as a crutch anymore. I'd learned to live without him and I think he resented that. Then he told me that he loved me. Yes, I love him too. But I love him as a friend and I let him know that. Whatever feelings had started to grow, died when he left me for his wife. I couldn't take another loss. I'm also afraid he is just lonely and hurt because his wife cheated on him and left him. He seemed to accept my decision until I started dating again. He became angry and insisted that we belong together and that I was afraid. Maybe he's right but it doesn't matter. I'm not willing to move out there so its a dead end anyway. He went NC on me about a month ago. He said if I ever wanted him, to give him a call. It hurt him to know I was with someone else. I'm going crazy. I think about him all the time. When something bad happens, its him I want to run to. Not my boyfriend. But that's because we've been best friends for so long and he carried me through hell. He knows everything about me. My relationship with my boyfriend is still very new. I miss him so much. I want him back desperately. Is there anything I can do???
Trovador Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 When something good happens, do you want to run to him? I think you don't... you should let him go his way, you can't give him what he needs, you don't have the right to keep him at your side... by freeing him, you are making him a big favor... But clarify this to me: friends don't think about each other all the time, right? Or am I missing something here?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 If this was any other poster I would accuse them of being an emotional cheater... but you're a smart cookie and certainly not fallable enough to do something drastic as going behind your bf's back.... so really what is it that you want? I do think you deserve alot better than empty words from a guy who's back with his ex.
Author Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Yes, I do want to talk to him about good things too. And I miss hearing about his life too. He's no longer with his ex and they have signed the paperwork for the divorce. He lives on the other side of the country - I haven't seen him in person for 15 years. I don't want a romantic relationship with him and I'm firm on that. It might have happened at one time, but it didn't and it's not ever going to now. Yeah, I love him, but only as friends and I don't want anything more. What I want is my friend back. I want him to not be in love with me anymore. I want things to go back the way they were.
GreenPolicy Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 What I want is my friend back. I want him to not be in love with me anymore. I want things to go back the way they were. Well both of you are in the same boat in that you're not going to get what you want. He needs to heal if he can't be with you romantically, so let him be as hard as it is for you. Maybe one day he can handle a friendship, but not now.
Author Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) I honestly don't think he is truly in love with me. He loves me as a friend and just built it up because he is lonely and hurt. I guess I just have to wait and hope it all works out. I can't help being annoyed with him for pulling this on me. Selfish, I know. But we should be helping each other right now. This is just adding to the pain. Edited February 17, 2011 by Jazzari
GreenPolicy Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I honestly don't think he is truly in love with me. He loves me as a friend and just built it up because he is lonely and hurt. I guess I just have to wait and hope it all works out. I can't help being annoyed with him for pulling this on me. Selfish, I know. But we should be helping each other right now. This is just adding to the pain. You can't make somebody feel what you want them to feel. I didn't want my ex-fiancee to leave me, but I have to respect her decision. And so you must respect his.
Author Jazzari Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 If this was any other poster I would accuse them of being an emotional cheater... but you're a smart cookie and certainly not fallable enough to do something drastic as going behind your bf's back.... so really what is it that you want? I'm not sure what an emotional cheater is?
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