postgenesis Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hey, so broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months 3 weeks ago. Theres an 11 year age gap between us , she being 25 and me 37. We had 6 fantastic months together, spent so much time with each other, went on holiday and out all the time but mostly just with ourselves. I thought , could this be the one, and then over the final month she would be hot and cold with me, cuddles one day then none the next, to one word answers to my questions and not returning my texts to just being somewhat moody with me. I still felt the same as i always had about her but knowing something wasn't right and that she was unhappy/miserable i pre emptively ended the relationship. The moment i left i instantly questioned wheteher i had made a mistake and texted her the same day saying as much. She said some really nice things by text about how i didnt deserve to be treated the way she had been treating me, how she loved me so much and didn't want to cause me any hurt, how she'd miss me so much but that how it was as i had said when i broke up with her 'For the best'. Now, the thing is, i love her to bits and really want her back. I have sent her a few texts since saying as much and seen her on 3 occassions over the first 2 weeks of the split at her work in a bar. This is despite her texting me back that she wanted to be given time to be herself and think about things and that i seemed pretty definite about the split when i left and that she believes that if something dosent work the first time then its not going to work at all. The last time i saw her in the bar she pretty much ignored me. After that i sent her a text saying i was finding the break up hard to deal with and that until i was able to deal with it better i would be staying away but that i hoped after some time we could be good friends ( i really want to get back with her though ). Since then, a week ago i've stuck to NC and intend to do so for a further few weeks at least. My plan after that is to phone and say hi, how you doing etc and that ive had time to settle my mind and accept things and i may be back through in her work that weekend, as i also socialise with a lot of friends there and have done for some years, even more than she's worked there. Do you think this is wise? I've been going through real pain and some really bad days since the split, usual symptoms - not eating, thinking about her incessantly, over analysing everything etc. I still don't even know why she'd changed in the last month and even she says she dosent know what happened???? Im hoping that my contacting her and going to her work in the first 2 weeks after the split hasnt ruined any chance i had of a reunion.
Bluebelle38 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Hi there it sounds to me like she wanted out of the relationship but didnt have the guts to do it. She effectivelt treated you like you meant nothing so you would get fed up and do the deed yourself. I think she was glad you did it. if not, she would have tried to make it up to you, she would look at her behaviour and give you an explanation for it. i really dont think you will get back together. I think you should have a read of gator's NC guide and stop contacting her. You are just looking needy and desperate. I know how much it hurts... it's really awful, but you have to look after yourself. She doesnt appear to have given any indication she wants to make it up to you or reconcile. I am quite new to this forum so i hope others will give their perspective which may well be totally different to mine. Take care
Author postgenesis Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Yeah, all of what you say makes sense. When i asked her if we we're being too hasty and should we try giving it another go she said ' I don't know what i want to do, i think i just need to be by myself and think about things' . I just don't know. Oh well, just need to wait and see. patience in such matters is a hard art however .
2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) Hi I had a similar type of experience, going out about the same time etc, we got on really well and it seemed like she really liked me, and I liked her too, we could talk till the cows came home, then suddenly she went cold. I do know she had personal issues and insecurities and was very sensitive - she told me on chat before we even met lol So what I would say is you should really go NC from now on, she is obviously confused, doesn't know what she wants, maybe has personality issues or is a commitment-phobe, and if you keep contacting her she will definitely know what it is she doesn't want, and it'll be you! NC is for you to heal and her to think! She will come to one of two conclusions at some point, in other words you will either hear from her again or won't, but you have to move on and go about your daily life as if you are moving on, which you are, you have no choice but to move on. If you do hear from her beware it might be crumbs and she is trying to rid herself of guilt and see if you are still no the backburner, and you really shouldn't contact back unless you think it is about them wanting to get back together. Don't ever mention the problems or anything to sdo with the RL unless she brings it up. IDK I keep hearing these stories you know 3-6 months and then she went cold, I think with some women there are complex issues, in addition to a RL, makes it dificult for them to cope with it all. Men are just thinking, go out, do things, have a drink, talk etc they are thinking all sorts of things about the future, things you say, things you do, where you live, what living with you might be like, what having kids with you might be like, what is your family like, can you provide security and comfort etc etc if just one of these raises a doubt in her mind then she will cold shoulder you until she has thought more extensively about it; I think it's a kind of defense mechanism. And so it goes and on so i'd imagine these kind of thoughts can be overwhelming and that's why this kind of thing happens. If a woman sees you as just a friend or a F***Buddie then they will not have these things going through their mind because you aren't really important and they wouldn't really consider you as long term material. What I think in my case is we met, we liked, got on and I think she thought we could have made a couple, I was thinking this too but she had some doubts and went cold, even though she said she did still want to meet, and we kept in contact for about a month after that, I decided to go NC as it was not productive for me to move on; nearly a month NC so far. 2011 Edited February 17, 2011 by 2011
holly4u Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 If you want her back like you said then go for it make the right effort and win her back
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