Woggle Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I understand that it sucks to have your gender generalized. I have heard enough men are pigs rants to show me how this feels. That being said why is it that when men on here who have clearly been through some serious drama vent about what they feel they are raked over the coals? Why is it so hard to fathom why a man who has had his kindness and gentlemanly behavior used against him would be leery of being so good to a woman again? Do women really think men should have no emotions whatsoever and be ready to jump blindly into the fire again after being burned?
Kamille Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I don't think this is true of every poster here. I know I don't mind chatting with some of the guys here who generalize about women and consistently try to prove that women are some version of evil. I did have a phase when it bothered me, right after the SS invasion. No thread could be started here without it turning into a gender war. My questions is: Where are the bitter women? Do I just not notice them?
denise_xo Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I don't throw the bitter word around. But to try to answer your question: I generally have little empathy with people who stigmatise whole populations (whether that's religion, gender, race, religion) because of their personal experiences. I have much more patience with people who vent for hours on end about the specificities of their particular situations. I think most people have a great deal understanding for this: Why is it so hard to fathom why a man who has had his kindness and gentlemanly behavior used against him would be leery of being so good to a woman again? Do women really think men should have no emotions whatsoever and be ready to jump blindly into the fire again after being burned? But they're not interested in listening to a whole lot of crap about it being their fault (simply by virtue of their gender, through the 'my ex was bad so all women must be bad' logic) when they really had fu_k all to do with it. I'm sorry you're hurting, Woogle. I genuinely am. What you went through sounded like more than most people have had to deal with. As I've said in other threads I sincerely wish you the best and I hope you'll just grow stronger and more confident in your current marriage. But in general I'm not going to spend my time on LS expressing empathy with people who consistently tell me that I am [insert range of negative adjectives] simply because I'm female. Does that make sense? ETA: and for the record, yes I feel the same way about female posters with the same attitude.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 It's the generalization of the boards, not the bitterness. Just because you've been burned doesn't give you the right to start assumptions about an entire gender. I've been burned myself, but do I go around saying all men su-k?
Author Woggle Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 This is isn't even about me that much. I am reading these threads about men paying or not paying on dates and I am just flabbergasted. Do people truly wonder why a man in this economy would be hesitant to spend good money on a woman he just met? It is a complete lack of empathy for the man's perspective.
denise_xo Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 This is isn't even about me that much. I am reading these threads about men paying or not paying on dates and I am just flabbergasted. Do people truly wonder why a man in this economy would be hesitant to spend good money on a woman he just met? It is a complete lack of empathy for the man's perspective. I don't understand those 'men paying for dates' threads, either. I strongly believe in gender equality and the 'man has to pay for dates' custom has no part in that picture, IMO.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I don't throw the bitter word around. But to try to answer your question: I generally have little empathy with people who stigmatise whole populations (whether that's religion, gender, race, religion) because of their personal experiences. Me too. And I don't care what the gender (ethnicity, religion, nationality) of the bitter person is; with rare exceptions I won't empathize with them. An exception could be, for example, a Holocaust survivor who was bitter. That being said, I have known personally a survivor of the Holocaust who eschewed bitterness, and that was the person who I had more respect, awe, compassion, and love for than any other person I've ever known. I know women who have been raped who do not hold the entire male gender responsible for what happened to them. These are the kind of people who my heart goes out to and who show the rest of us how to live ... and, who are able to have a fulfilling life that includes love IN SPITE of what happened to them.
denise_xo Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Sorry I always write Woogle not Woggle. What is woggle anyway?
somedude81 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 My questions is: Where are the bitter women? Do I just not notice them? That's the sort of question that starts a gender war. All I'd have to do is give my answer of why I think there aren't any bitter women, then we'd get page after page arguing back and forth.
Author Woggle Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 There are plenty of bitter women. I really don't understand how people don't see that the hatred goes both ways.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I think men become bitter, because there is a double standard. If you're too kind, you're a pushover. If you're too angry, you're misogynistic. And so on. It's enough to turn any man bitter, after a while. I know I'm one who was raised to be kind and gentle to people, and despite people treating me poorly for it, I continue to do it...why? Because it's the right thing to do. No, it doesn't get me dates, and actually turns women off of me, but I hope that someday being a kind person will make me attractive to a woman. Or make me not appear to be hiding anything. Just because you are a gentleman does not make you a serial killer.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 This is isn't even about me that much. I am reading these threads about men paying or not paying on dates and I am just flabbergasted. Do people truly wonder why a man in this economy would be hesitant to spend good money on a woman he just met? It is a complete lack of empathy for the man's perspective. Woggle, I admit that thread went a little out of hand. The problem isn't why the guy was going dutch, but why had he been trying to stickOP with a 60 pounds tab? If I had any part in diverting that thread, I really do apologize, I should have formed a better argument as Nexus_One had- for the OP to suggest another venue where the bill per head weren't so high. This has nothing to do with empathy in my opinion; I'm empathetic to the fact that both genders have faults and that we all hurt each other, intentionally or not.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I have empathy and sympathy..But only for so long. If one isn't trying to get over the bitterness and they allow it to take over, that's not good. To wallow in one's self pity, whether it be down, out and depressed or being hurt/bitter/angry for years isn't healthy.
dispatch3d Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 If they are showing no empathy towards you then by definition they can't see things from your perspective. The women who show little empathy are probably just reacting to the man hate rather than considering what sort of factors could have led to such a perspective of women. Women do lots of things to men that aren't very nice. Quite frankly, us men aren't that nice to them either. It's better just to focus on the ways in which we are nice to each other rather than focus on how many times you've been wronged.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 My questions is: Where are the bitter women? Do I just not notice them? Women don't tend to handle things in the same way. Plus the overall expectations on them are different. The women who fall into this category are Like SACWA and Shadowplay and Leigh87. I consider those the female equivalents of the WayneBrady and Steve80 type guys. The guy that posts about how he has fine tuned his body for masturbation has no equivalent. I have empathy and sympathy..But only for so long. If one isn't trying to get over the bitterness and they allow it to take over, that's not good. To wallow in one's self pity, whether it be down, out and depressed or being hurt/bitter/angry for years isn't healthy. I'd like to see what measuring stick you use for this?
Feelin Frisky Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I don't know what you're referring to Woggle. But there is a shortage of empathy in the world in general. Lots of cold hearts willing to summarily write off other people.
MrNate Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 The answer is simple: After a while, whether you're a male or female, the bitterness gets old. Who wants to be around negative people?
depplover_1980 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I tend to ignore bitter posts and just click onto another thread until I find something I want to post on. True equality lies with just getting on with things and acting equal - on both sides.
alphamale Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 there is little empathy for bitter anybody
alphamale Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 My questions is: Where are the bitter women? Do I just not notice them? believe me sister, they're around
Kamille Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 believe me sister, they're around I've met bitter women. In real life. I don't see them so much on LS. Is it a blindspot?
alphamale Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I've met bitter women. In real life. I don't see them so much on LS. Is it a blindspot? maybe they are too busy being bitter to learn the computer?
Eddie Edirol Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Do people truly wonder why a man in this economy would be hesitant to spend good money on a woman he just met? Youre not supposed to be hesitant, because youre not supposed to spend "good" money on a woman you just met. Youre just supposed to get coffee.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Youre not supposed to be hesitant, because youre not supposed to spend "good" money on a woman you just met. Youre just supposed to get coffee. I've heard plenty of horror stories about dinner dates that turned out to be "free meals" for the woman, and once she finishes it, she leaves the check for the man and bolts, never to be seen again.
zengirl Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I understand that it sucks to have your gender generalized. I have heard enough men are pigs rants to show me how this feels. That being said why is it that when men on here who have clearly been through some serious drama vent about what they feel they are raked over the coals? Why is it so hard to fathom why a man who has had his kindness and gentlemanly behavior used against him would be leery of being so good to a woman again? Do women really think men should have no emotions whatsoever and be ready to jump blindly into the fire again after being burned? Do you really think you get no understanding or empathy here, Woggle? I think there is simply a limit to empathy, and (personally) my empathy for anyone who's bitter, for any reason, has limits --- I assume everyone is the same. And, for the record, I don't think any sane person would suggest men should have no emotions. We do stifle male emotions too much, but men are as guilty of that as women, if not more, and it is getting better with every generation.
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