Boyfriend's Ex is engaged...but she won't go away!!

[yellowgreenlight]

Hey everyone,

I'm not a frequent poster on this site, but I'm in need of impartial third party opinions...so I appreciate your help!

I'll try to make this brief, as long posts get a little boring...

To make a long story very, very short...my boyfriend and I have been dating since July 2010, but seeing each other for over a year now. When we met (December), he just broke up with his ex, Steph, whom he saw on/off (a college fling) for 2 1/2 yrs--nothing super serious, more best friends than anything.

They struggled to get over each other for months, but she began dating a new guy in March and he eventually started dating me. They didn't talk hardly at all after that, just an occasional text here or there.

In November, she got engaged to her boyfriend. Yet, she still seems to linger in his life...and at this point, I don't know who is to blame. My bf seems to maintain that she is a great person, even though all of his friends tell me she's crazy, and thinks her occasional texts are completely "innocent." She texted him around Christmas, commenting on a picture of myself with his parents and family, saying that "its nice that fit in so well with the family." He says it was just a nice compliment, but does anyone else think that's weird?

Most recently, this past Valentine's weekend she texted him on Saturday night about relationship problems with her fiance...which turned out to be very, very petty problems. He seemed rather surprised that she was texting him about it, as they supposedly hadn't talked since Christmas, and said she couldn't possibly "mean anything by it because she's engaged." But, I couldn't help but wonder why she would bother texting him, especially in lieu of one of her girlfriends?? Her texts overall aren't frequent enough to be alarming (as far as I know--we're in a semi-LDR) but occur just enough to make me wonder.

 

So, what do you all think? Can friendship after a relationship really be genuine? I can't help but think she has ulterior motives...and wonder why he can't seem find his "mean streak" and tell her to move on?

[Arabella]

I am in a very similar situation right now.

 

I was in a relationship with someone for six years. I eventually left him and moved away, but we remain excellent friends and talk frequently (about once a week).

 

We are both in new relationships and happy for each other. Neither has any ulterior motives but to maintain a friendship that always worked well.

 

Just because two people aren't good for each other in a romantic context, doesn't mean they aren't good for each other in a friendship.

 

If he still finds value in maintaining occasional contact with her, then give her some credit. After all, until she makes a move, you don't have any reason to suspect her.

[Lucky_One]

Unfortunately, people don't struggle for months to get over a "casual college fling". I would say this was a far more serious R than you are wanting to believe.

 

I also know way too many people who date someone while they are still hung-up on a prior BF/GF and end up in lifetime commitments (married, accidental pregnancy, living together) before their heart is really ready to be tied to someone so closely. The classic "rebound relationship".

 

As for her comment on the picture, it sounds fine to me. I don't see anything weird about it, but actually think it is sort of nice.

 

Have you told BF that her texts really do bother you, but that it is really the lack of his boundaries that bother you most, and you would appreciate it if he would block her number and unfriend her off FB?