mind games

[CuriousCat]

Hi I'm new around here and I guess I really needed a place to vent, everything's kind of all jumbled up in my mind. I apologize in advance for the messiness of this post.

 

 

So I guess I’ll just lay it out there: I’m part of a forum which is more like an online community because there are a lot of events organized where members meet, hang out and go out like you’d do with any ‘normal’ IRL friends. And at one such event, last summer, I met this girl (let’s just call her Goldilocks for simplicity’s sake ). I didn’t think much of her at the time, sure she was cute but I mostly talked with other members and we were both in a relationship.

 

Then in December we started PM’ing each other, in the beginning it was just to gossip about other forum users but then we continued messaging, at least once a day, sometimes more. We both found out we were now single but I didn’t dwell on it much: we’re doing the same kind of studies and at that time we were both studying hard for our exams so the daily messages were a nice kind of distraction and motivation.

Eventually our exams ended and yet we kept on PM’ing, a bit less often since classes started again etc but there was definitely still a connection and flirting involved (The devious woman actually sent me pictures of herself for no good reason and complimented me quite a bit). Oh and I probably should’ve mentioned this earlier but we live 355miles away and we both got out of our first long distance relationship and both thought it sucked pretty badly and the concept isn’t all that great. But I’m ranting again and this little piece of info was just to explain why we’re not seeing each other face to face or why I’m reluctant to admit that I actually have a crush on her.

 

So now here’s the problem: a few days ago she asked me if anyone had caught my eye (she asks me regularly if I’m still single, mostly in indirect ways) and I had the folly to say yes. Since then she’s been bugging me non-stop to find out who it is, she’s convinced it’s someone that’s part of our online community even though I didn’t say anything. Obviously she’s not stupid, and I’m pretty sure she knows exactly who I was thinking about when I said ‘yes’. And yet we’re now playing this ridiculous guessing game where she asks me if it’s a guy or girl, what span of age is she in, does she wear glasses etc. Meanwhile she says she isn’t interested in anyone and has composed a top three of users she finds physically attractive so I can guess. I know for sure that I’m not in those three but she’s insisted a couple of times on the fact that it’s just physical and that it by no means signifies that those are people she’d like to date (also most of them are in relationships). And then she goes and tells me that her ex who is also her best friend saw the PM she wrote to me and thought that she (Goldilocks) was crushing on me and so even though they joked about it I shouldn’t be surprised if I hear that kind of rumor around the forum.

And then another piece of info that is pretty troubling: I told another user/friend of the situation and he warned me that Goldilocks is a handful. Apparently she takes, uses and then throws away. But if she’s really that much of a b**ch how come her ex is still friends with her? Also to my notion she’s only dated one other user on the forum.

 

 

So as of today I’m pretty crossed and frustrated: am I crazy/is she innocent and have I completely misinterpreted her messages? Is she messing with my head?

I don't know if I want anything with her (and rationally it's a terrible idea: we live far away) but I can't help asking myself questions such as: should I just come out and tell her she's the one or lie and say it's someone else?

 

 

Thanks to those who had the courage to read my crazy ramblings till the end.

[whichwayisup]

What do you want to happen? If you tell her, are you okay with her response, whether she likes you the same way or isn't interested? you two live far apart, so if you meet her, and click, what then?

 

Mind games online seems so - Pointless!